Let’s turn our attention ever so briefly to Wilmer, Texas, a town of 3,400 patriotic citizens outside of Dallas. Wilmer has an important mayoral election on May 10. The incumbent, Don Hudson, could lose his seat to James Brian Sliter, 42. Sliter is an accountant by trade (and a real whiz at it, we hear!), and he also really, really likes trying to have sex with 15-year-old girls he meets on the Internet. MORE »

HELP D.C. KIDS FIGHT EVIL NATIONALS BASEBALL PARK: Positive Nature over at 1017 New Jersey Avenue SE is a place for the poor troubled DC kids to hang out and not be shot and to have Hope. But the baseball industry hate kids with problems, so Positive Nature is being forced out of its nice place because of the crazy new property taxes around the new Nationals Park. You could maybe do something good for a change and help ‘em out. [Positive Nature]

Everybody knew 2008 would be a very historic year for various genders and races becoming president, but little did we expect that all of our “melting pot” dreams would come true so soon, and so sweetly. Americans can stand up and feel proud, for we have our first blind governor! MORE »

Clinton campaign manager Maggie Williams has responded to the terrible charges that Hillary’s people are circulating a picture of Barack Obama wearing some funny tribal outfit during a trip to Africa. It turns out this is all Obama’s fault! Why? We don’t know, because it makes no sense! Here’s the statement from the Hillary camp. MORE »

Finally, people are mocking that “Yes, We Can” internet sensation video, a.k.a. the most compelling reason thus far not to vote for Barack Obama. After the jump, two somewhat funny parodies involving John “WALNUTS!” McCain. See, if they’re parodies, they also support Barack Obama, but in a less grating way than “Yes, We Can” does! This parody concept is brilliant. MORE »