It’s been a long hard road, people. We’ve had some hard times, havin’ some hard times still. But fellow Americans, one thing is true, so undeniably true: George W. Motherfucking Bush Junior is gone. Yes he is! Feels good. Feels good knowing that ignorant motherfucker is back in Dallas, let Texas have him back, right? Back with his own goddammned people, the old America, the old dumb America. Let’s drink to Change tonight, and Hope, and to a variety of other words and phrases we expect to hear as President Barack Obama makes his first address to a joint session of Congress. It’s the first-ever historical President Barack Obama drinking game! MORE »

Here’s something you don’t see too often, these days, during the Great Big Depression: the launch of a new publication! It’s called Wonkabout, and it’s your guide to all that is fun and interesting and weird and tasty and boozey in Washington D.C., the new capital of the world. Yes We Can! MORE »

Republican never-was Michael Steele just barely managed to beat a South Carolina segregationist for the GOP chairmanship on January 30, and it only took a week for the Washington Post to run a front-page story about the current FEDERAL INVESTIGATION of Steele’s latest campaign-money scandals. MORE »

Congratulations to Michael Steele, who finally beat out that actual Confederate slaveowning plantation owner to become the first African-American President of the United States! Maybe we should celebrate with something fun, like a national WAR WITH IRAN, hmm? Well, even though we were *praying* for the old white guy — a member of a whites-only country club! — to come from behind and “steele” the black person’s victory at the last minute, we are “steele” satisfied with Michael “Steele.” Let’s “steele” away to our Wonkette Time Machine and revisit a hilarious chapter in state political history: Michael “Steele’s” brief and mostly unsuccessful political career in the important state of Maryland! MORE »

Hooray for progress! The Senate Judiciary Committee just approved Eric Holder for the Attorney General spot, by 17-2, which means the full Senate will now happily okay his nomination and America will have its first-ever African-American head of the Justice Department. There is a certain justice to this development, MMMHMMM? Anyway let’s hope Holder is a little bit better than the first Mexican attorney general, jesus fucking christ. [Reuters]

Filthy cock jackal Eliot Spitzer has written another one of those columns for the online Slate magazine, and he’s already mastering the “Slate Style,” which is to take a widely accepted belief (e.g., “Dogs make good pets”) and write a cool 600 words arguing why its opposite is SECRETLY truer (”Why all dogs should die”). In this column he tackles Obama’s big infrastructure plan, saying that instead of funding immediate road repairs and stuff for short-term stimulus’ sake, we should invest in transforming the foundation of America’s infrastructure. It is a stupid article because, um, Obama’s plans do include all of that, which is kind of the point. This leads us to Spitzer’s ace-in-the-hole, which is of course the massive federal funding of Robot Construction. MORE »

SAY IT AIN’T SO JOE: On November 5, America will drop Joe Lieberman down a sewer pipe of radioactive horror snakes. [Washington Post]

Some Obama freaks have trained their parrot to speak some of Barry’s popular catch phrases, including “Yes We Can” and, well, “Obama,” which is actually just his name. The brainwashed monster also says what sounds like “Oh My Cow,” so this household is obviously a local bestiality bath house. Also: this bird is Elitist. If John McCain were buying a goddamned bird, he’d go straight for the parakeet — the Working Man’s Bird. [YouTube]

A Barack Obama “Hope office” in Vincennes, Indiana was vandalized around 2:00 a.m. this morning. “One large window was smashed and several other windows spray painted with racial comments,” but no one was hurt. Damn racist teenagers and their Hillary obsession! [iReport]

HMM, GO ON?: “I can’t but help think that Ron Paul is a tool of the Messiah. The Bible does not mention America in the end times or does it?” [Daily Paul]

So much for Mark Penn’s Hillary Clinton’s brilliant “happy poverty” plan. Now Barack Obama’s going to stomp around for the next two weeks eloquently reminding poor Pennsylvania voters that they stay poor no matter if the Clintons or the Bushes are president. [YouTube] MORE »