Tag Archives: year in review

  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Nope, no rape news this year
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  country matters

Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper’s Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)

In what may be the best — at least the weirdest — ripple effect of the Rob Ford strange-o-palooza, here are Anderson Cooper and Friend of Wonkette Dan Savage talking Thursday about the best news stories of 2013…until the conversation takes a turn for the disturbing. Or the awesome. We can’t decide. Cooper asked Savage what he thought the best scandal story of the year was, and Savage went with Rob Ford’s series of very public embarrassments, adding “I love a good cunnilingus joke on the evening news.” And really, who doesn’t? Read more on Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper’s Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)…
 

Unveiling Wonket’s 2012 Hu-Man Of The Year

Wonket’s Hu-Man of the Year was a hard-fought contest. There were strong cases to be made for Donald Trump, and Rick Santorum, and the cast of Fox & Friends. But in the end only one hu-man provided such grand doses of befuddled misanthropy, who proved to be SO FUCKING BAD AT HIS JOB, who could not open his mouth but to insult the help (everyone is the help), whose wife was a bigger fucking cunt than he was. Oh, this could have been a Republican year. Everyone thought so mostly! Except then the Republicans went and nominated His Lord High Hairgel, Mittens of Romney, who literally said half the country refused to take responsibility for their lives, and no one was surprised. BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS GAFFES? Let us relive, together, the power and the glory forever and ever hallelujah amen! Read more on Unveiling Wonket’s 2012 Hu-Man Of The Year…
  sadface

For Fox & Friends, It Was A Very Bad Year

We at your Wonket are liberals and Obamatards, and so it hurts us to see anyone in pain. (Ask us sometime about our “mirror neuron” seminar, and how our mirror neurons are the strongest, ass-kickin’est mirror neurons in the world!) It even hurts us to see Gretchen Carlson, and the Dooce, and the rapey one in pain! And yet, there is no shirking when there is work to be done, and in this case it is holding up these fucking dunces for yet another round of Jesus Christ, WHAT??? Here are a few of our favorite things. Read more on For Fox & Friends, It Was A Very Bad Year…
  Where is it in the Constitution huh?

You Got Your Government In My God: The Year In Churchstate

Congratulations, U.S. America and such as! You have survived yet another calendar year without the establishment of a theocracy or the utter banishment of religious faith! It was a year in which the most momentous SCOTUS decision on church and state was a fairly narrow (and stupid) ruling that allows churches to ignore fair employment practices as long as the employee is a “minister” of some sort — which certainly sucks if you teach at a church school, and like everything out of the Roberts court, keeps narrowing who can sue for employment issues, but doesn’t exactly reshape the basic church/state relationship in a fundamental way. Which is not to say that there weren’t plenty of attempts to tear down that wall of separation, deny it exists at all, or claim that the Atheist Muslim Secularist in the White House wants to put all Christians in a gulag. And so, let us review just a few of 2012’s finer religio-political collisions. A caveat: We won’t have much of anything to say about Mitt Romney’s Mormonosity, because really, how many magic underwear jokes does the world need? Read more on You Got Your Government In My God: The Year In Churchstate…
  don't pretend you don't want it

Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective

It has been a banner fucking year for the teh gheys. There was tons of election-winning, gay-marrying, company-wrecking, and general ruining of morals and common decency everywhere. Shockingly, we learned that a lesbian cabal runs the DHS, because when the revolution comes it will damn sure start with ‘mos taking over executive agencies. We watched as the heroic group known as “One Million Moms” declared victory against JC Penney and Ellen Degeneres by deciding that they wouldn’t fight anymore (WHICH IS TOTALLY WINNING YOU GUYS) until they decided to get mad all over again, because history’s greatest monster lesbian played an elf in a Christmas TV commercial. Will Ellen’s reign of terror never end? Also, too, One Million Moms is apparently mad at a whole ton of gay things: Read more on Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective…
  that's not racial transcendence

Tucker Carlson’s Post-Racial Year

There are not enough pixels in the universe to reproduce every stupid watermelon email sent out by a GOP official, or even every racisty thing spewed by NRO. So we shall have to limit our examination of the Year In Racial Transcendence to just those sage comments espoused by the not at all spittle-flecked ranters at Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller. Join us, on the other side! Read more on Tucker Carlson’s Post-Racial Year…
  binders of big birds

The Year In Sesame Street Evil

First they came for Big Bird, and we did not care, because dude, old news. (Little known fact: if you stop funding the NEA, Sesame Street and Planned Parenthood, there would be enough budget left over to fund at least three GSA conventions.) They ALWAYS come for Big Bird, because sharing = communism, everybody knows that! Read more on The Year In Sesame Street Evil…
  old handsome joe

The Year In Joe Biden

We at Wonket — the last bastion of pure Joe Biden love — received the following note yesterday, in our tipline, where people go to yell at us: I know you-all play it as though Joe Biden is just a sexy fool, but the scuttlebutt is that the Rs felt Obama wasn’t serious about talks (with Boehner) cause Biden wasn’t involved (granted B is House, while Biden is senate). But Biden (and Geithner) were in talks on Friday AND in the article below, McConnell went off to call Biden during the Senate R. caucus this afternoon. Joe isn’t just sexy–he’s smart/sexy. http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/274917-mcconnell-talking-to-biden-willing-to-drop-social-security-demand US LIBEL. When we pointed out just how libeled we were being, our courrespondente doubled down. YES SHE DID. The whole ‘sexy joe’ thing is funny but a little overdone…so NO libel…truth. UNTRUTH! UNTRUTH! But it did give us an idea for a stupid year-end wrap-up, which we couldn’t think of any before, so thank you to our MEAN, LYING, LIBELING letter-writer, because here is your Year In Old Handsome Joe. Read more on The Year In Joe Biden…
  a nation challenged

A Year of Funny Fotos: 2010 In Dumb Pictures

Wait a minute, 2010 is over already? And here we are still writing “Fuck the Pope” on our checks! Well, whatever, everything must end — even horrible things like “the year 2010.” And who are the handsome Teutonic Princes in this particular photograph? Just some Midwest Nazis kickin’ it old-skool. The one circled is GOP rising star/”young gun” Rich Iott, who was all set to become the new teabagger congressman from Ohio, but then he somehow lost because THE JEWS were upset just because he likes to dress up in Nazi SS uniforms and pretend to be a Nazi all the time. Jeez everybody’s got to be so “politically correct” these days, you can hardly even get away with emailing everybody pictures of the White House surrounded by a watermelon farm. What a wacky year! Read more on A Year of Funny Fotos: 2010 In Dumb Pictures…
  nice try simple racism you lost

The Year In Mosk

ANNOUNCING WONKETTE’S PERSON OF THE YEAR: The guy who can’t spell “Muslim,” “mosque,” OR “Ground Zero,” yet NOES ENUFF to know he should be bigoted against any two of these things aligning. Yes, it was a banner year for hate on Earth yet again, even when we thought Justin Bieber would finally eclipse it. He didn’t! Hate won at the last second. But at least he made it close. The so-called “Muslin Groud Zero Mosk” was the perfect chance for bitter ever-backwards white people to get mad at the world outside the insular hate Tupperware they reside in and for the conservative opportunists to exploit their fear. Yes, it was a year for hope. Read more on The Year In Mosk…
  america's funniest home videos

America In Crisis: 2010’s Dumbest Political Videos, Part II

Many tried to top the Epic Comedy of Christine O’Donnell’s actual political commercial about being a witch, but only one brave man could approach the occult pathos of the Delaware Masturbation Witch’s official campaign advertisements, and that was this guy. Who else made us ashamed in 2010? Oh pretty much everybody, but these six videos won the Special Olympics. Read more on America In Crisis: 2010’s Dumbest Political Videos, Part II…
  shoot your youtube

2010: The Year In Dumb Political Videos

It was a magical year with magical moments, such as this “live mic” (and live camera) recording of vulgar gazillionaire Carly Fiorina running for Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat based on such insights as “Barbara Boxer’s hair is stupid.” In this short video clip, on a single morning in America (June 10, 2010), Carly lost all of her hard-won “cancer points” and immediately became the Mean Girl of the campaign — the kind of person who would fire thousands of people from one of the last American companies that made things, just because it was the mean thing to do. But what else was terrible and also on video this year? Read more on 2010: The Year In Dumb Political Videos…
  can 'em if you got 'em

The Year In Fetuses and Their Jars

Can you believe it’s been nearly 38 years since Roe v. Wade was settled? That’s the lifetimes of like two and a half Justin Biebers. So it should come as no surprise that we still have to hear about this thing day in and day out, yes? Good, because that’s the case. Fetuses did not do much themselves this year, but former fetuses, people who think they still know what it’s like to be a young fetus today, did. Among them, of course, was the Bush family, who let us know about the amusing time Barbara had a miscarriage and the fetus was stuffed in a jar that was then stuffed in George W.’s face, still warm. This is always such a fun issue. Read more on The Year In Fetuses and Their Jars…
  more man than us

The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates

This year, we saw some stellar legitimate candidates for Congress who were crazy and won their party’s nomination, such as Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell. But there were also some other, more mentally unstable longshot candidates. These candidates brought interesting new personalities and ideas to the fore, such as the notion of traffic-stop slavery, that had been grossly ignored by the media. They may not have had political connections, jobs, or any campaign organization to speak of. But their faith in the democratic process and the marketplace of ideas gave us hope. And funny YouTube videos. Read more on The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates…
  ipad apps that changed america

Top 10 iPad Political Apps of 2010

Every year, the technology editors at Wonkette review their reviews of the top political iPad apps and then put them together for our popular New Year’s Treasure Chest/Promise Keepers Review Post, “Top 10 iPad Political Apps of 2010.” This year is certainly no different! Whether it’s a cloud-based xml database that tracks liberal disillusionment with Barack Obama’s Republican policies or a GPS-based marijuana/Taco Bell real-time inventory system that crowd-sources whether Bristol Palin is (at this moment) ovulating and in the back of a car with some guy on break from Jiffy Lube while a Kid Rock “rural rap” is sputtering through the one functioning speaker, 2010 brought America some of the best political apps of the previous decade. But which one is Number One, and Who Will Win? Read more on Top 10 iPad Political Apps of 2010…
  slaverygasm

The Year In Secession

Your Jack Stuef has now been an (often “the”) editor for over half of this year, so your affection for all previous editors should now be extinct, and he should be allowed to do year-in-review type things with the consent of the blog-governed. It has been a crazy year in politics (a.k.a. “a year”), so that has been nice for us, as usual, even if that’s not great for, say, mental health. Remember when Barack Obama stoled health care for all the youngs under age 26, for example? And then he became a Republican? And then he came back and passed a gay draft into our military for our gay wars, against the wishes of prominent assumed gays such as Lindsey Graham? Anyway, let us count down some of the important themes of this Great American Novel that was the 2010 shitshow. First up: secession and a return to the Confederacy! Never forget. Read more on The Year In Secession…
  print out ur internets

Wonkette Senate Obstruction Trading Cards Will Ruin Your Child’s Christmas

As we look back on the 111th Congress, we will remember two things: a mediocre (but actually successful!) health care bill and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and a bit and lots of Republican obstructionism. To mark the end of this joyous legislative year, your Wonkette has gone on this Internet thing for children (such as your editor) to make collectible trading cards of the Senate’s top obstructionists. You can even print them out and give them to children for Christmas! If you hate children, that is. Read more on Wonkette Senate Obstruction Trading Cards Will Ruin Your Child’s Christmas…
  year in rear view

2008: Year of the Furries

In honor of the American god Jesus, who was buried in his Christmas fur suit 6,000 years ago today, let’s remember the furriest year of all. To start off the furry fun, here’s the evil half-muslin ACORN Squirrel raping teevee star Harry Smith! Read more on 2008: Year of the Furries…
  year in rear view

2008 In Stupid Pictures

How many half-assed Sarah Palin costumes did you see last Halloween? Let’s remember all the dumb crap from 2008, in pictures, including this beautiful office shot by Miz Ginevra. Read more on 2008 In Stupid Pictures…
 

‘Twenty Dollar’ Bob Resurfaces in Rolling Stone

Former Florida state Rep. “Twenty Dollar” Bob Allen, the homosexual Republican who was tried and convicted for trying to blow this dude in a Florida potty, is back on our gaydar after landing in Rolling Stone’s “Yearbook 2007″ issue. No, no, it’s not for the “Top 5 Florida Legislators of the Year” list, but for the one chronicling 2007’s best GOP sex scandals. Holler to Rolling Stone: We don’t really read you, but we respect you. -ish. [WESH] Read more on ‘Twenty Dollar’ Bob Resurfaces in Rolling Stone…