Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.” MORE »

Oh lord, what is happening here? Is the Elephant Man in the flower-print pillow-case mask the “grocery cart”? Which one’s Susan and which one’s Gabriela? Oh Arkansas, WTF? Ha ha, it is just a misplaced caption! This is really just a harmless photo from the terrorism in Mumbai! Thanks, “Xavier O,” for the tip. [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]

Larry King doesn’t just hate the Internets — he also hates Christmas! But CNN’s star Yoda-muppet is so powerful that he got this gruesome picture immediately pulled from gossip site TMZ.com, which is also owned by Time Warner. Brilliantly disguised as a homeless man, King was apparently wandering around a Los Angeles mall trying to kill Santa Claus.

An eyewitness reported, “I first saw him at Santa’s door, I think he shook the doors. They were closed because Santa wasn’t seeing kids at the time. Larry forced the doors open and went inside, apparently searching for Santa. Two of Santa’s helpers escorted him out, and said something about Santa being available in 45 minutes.”

UPDATE: Now the picture’s back, but with new text claiming Larry “loves” Christmas. Sure he does, sure he does ….
Larry King — Grinch [TMZ]
Larry King Actually Loves Xmas [TMZ]

Nothing says “War On Christmas” like a bunch of lousy little gifts bought in bulk for $28K-a-year junior staffers, or the local crack addict ringing the (fake) Salvation Army bell outside the CVS, or the office shitbird who brings a $2 bottle of undrinkable Charles Shaw to your holiday party you spent a thousand bucks stocking with good food and wine, or the 6 lbs. of LL Bean and Crate & Barrel catalogs crammed in your broken mailbox every single day, or the giant DC rats gnawing through the caterer’s trash on Embassy Row, or the cheerful sight of an abandoned date-rape preppie gal passed out in the gutter a half block from Smith Point.

Something really is the Reason for the Season, and that’s why we’ve spent far too much time preparing this special little Wonkette War On Xmas Gift Guide. We’ve got the stuff you need to purchase for your few friends and many enemies, after the jump.

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Nothing says “War On Christmas” like the Capitol being attacked and destroyed by a 500-foot-tall pagan xmas tree. MORE »

What if you hate your relatives in a more direct way? Then here’s the “War on Xmas” gift that will make your sentiments perfectly clear: an old Ann Coulter book from the remainders warehouse. Plus, this gift totally keeps on giving, because NewsMax will also mail your victim four crazy newsletters about Mexicans. MORE »