• The Junior Senator from France, Nicolas Sarkozy, has started up with some anti-imperialist rhetoric in Prussian capital of Munich of all places. On the bright side, this new WWI with France and Germany will save the economy for sure. [Matthew Yglesias]
• Jeb Bush will offer Constructive Criticisms regarding the stimulus bill in the form of pop quizzes about Latin conjugations directed toward a single Miami Herald reporter. [Ben Smith]
• Schadenfreude is on the way: Failed criminal Bernie Madoff and the SEC have probably reached a deal in which Madoff won’t be given back his fortune and he will have to pay a fine. All this plus those criminal charges you were hoping for. [The Daily Beast]
• Michelle Obama will be on the cover of March Vogue. She was photographed wearing Billy Ray Cyrus’ soiled duvet cover by Edgy lesbian Annie Leibovitz. [NYT Caucus]
• Obama will not stop his horrible provocations until influential Canadians — both of them — convince the Chinese to join them in initiating bloody Trade Crusades against America’s hardworking middle class. [RedState]

It was so scary when little Iranian motorboats did loops around American warships in the Persian Gulf last week. The U.S. ships were apparently seconds away from blasting the tiny speedboats, all because of a threatening radio message assumed to be from the scary Iranians. Now the Navy says the scary transmission could have come from a well-known “radio prankster” called the Filipino Monkey. MORE »

15 members of the British navy are still being held by Iran, who says they’d encroached (500 yards) into Iranian waters. Britain, meanwhile, has a series of very detailed charts that suggest otherwise. Accordingly, the UK will “freeze all bilateral business with Iran.” MORE »

You can all go home, kids. Nothing else today could possibly be funnier than this headline. MORE »