Tag Archives: wtf

  clipbait

Rob Ford Has Entered Full Andy Kaufman Mode

A new video of performance artist/Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has surfaced; in the video, reportedly taken Monday night at a Toronto fast-food establishment, the very drunk mayor rambles and says many swears in both English and in Jamaican patois. If Toronto can’t fire him, they may just install him in a permanent performance space. Read more on Rob Ford Has Entered Full Andy Kaufman Mode…
  baby its trolled outside

James Inhofe: Don’t Extend Unemployment Benefits, Because God Is in Charge Of Climate Change (Which Is Fake)

Listen up, heathens. Oklahoma Sen. James Inhofe just needs to explain a thing or two to you people who think we need to extend emergency unemployment benefits that ended December 28. He has just two words that explain why we don’t need to do that: Polar Vortex. It’s easily the best cryptic advice since that one guy told Anne Bancroft’s little boy-toy “Plastics.” For that matter, we bet Inhofe is big on those, too. Read more on James Inhofe: Don’t Extend Unemployment Benefits, Because God Is in Charge Of Climate Change (Which Is Fake)…
  2nd-dumbest man on the internet

Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals

Oh, golly, you know sometimes Yr Doktor Zoom goes a few weeks or more without encountering the odd mental oscillations of Wonkette frenemy Bradlee Dean, who keeps failing to sue us so we can get all his money. We still think that Jim Hoft richly deserves his title of Stupidest Man on the Internet, but Bradlee Dean is a close second, and since he mostly works the rightwing podcast & “radio” circuit — some of it’s broadcast on AM and shortwave somewhere — we can’t just read Bradlee, we have to listen to him. Which is all by way of saying that every time we hear this man speak, we can feel our brain atrophying. And so it was with some trepidation that we listened to most of Dean’s half-hour interview on the “TruNews” End Times podcast from Thursday, to see if he ever elaborated on his assertion that in New York City, liberal teachers are now “teaching kids bestiality in public schools.” We figured that if he had, Right Wing Watch would have quoted it, because how would you not? And of course, he never explained it at all. Oh, but there was other stuff, too, and we will bring you the worst of it so you needn’t damage your own headparts listening to it yourself. Read more on Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals…
  from the author of 'what's so great about christianity'

For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D’Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D’Souza

Twitter is, of course, the place where people go to embarrass themselves in public. That’s just part of the day-to-day background noise. Throw in a national holiday, and you get all sorts of beautiful new opportunities to be an ass. Case in point, this tweet from conservative intellectual powerhouse Dinesh D’Souza, who’s thankful that America will survive Barack Obama even though D’Souza himself markets rhetoric about Obama being the death of America forever. But, apparently, now the threat that Barack Obama poses to America is not that he’s an obsessive anti-colonialist who wants to ruin America so that America will become more like his beloved Kenya or something. Now, the threat is that Barack Obama is a grown-up version of a scary drug-crazed thug hologram that conservatives have erected over the grave of a dead seventeen-year-old. Haha, it is so amusing, this tweet about a dead boy that D’Souza rather quickly deleted! Read more on For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D’Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D’Souza…
  this is madness!

Strange Man On Horse Yells About Impeaching Obama (Video)

From the tipline, here is a gentleman doing a bit of 300 cosplay whilst muttering something about the need to impeach Obama. He is “Leonidas, from the past,” and he explains that he did not die, but is old. Not sure the gym shorts are historically accurate. Mostly, we feel sorry for his poor horse. Also, something about the truckers and the veterans marching in DC, so we guess this must date from the October government shutdown. Who made this? How did it end up being posted by someone who accurately labels the guy A Idiot? (False flag!!!!) Does the horse qualify for worker’s comp? All unknown. Read more on Strange Man On Horse Yells About Impeaching Obama (Video)…
  seriously let's just forget the chicken this time

North Carolina Cops Interfere In Foster Parents’ Innovative Dead-Chicken-Based Discipline Program

In Monroe, North Carolina, Dorian Lee Harper and Wanda Sue Larson were arrested Friday and charged with child abuse after a deputy found their 11-year-old foster child handcuffed to the couple’s front porch. With a dead chicken tied around his neck. We’re pretty sure that one’s not even in the Bible, though we’re constantly being surprised by what people think is in there. Oh, and Mr. Harper is an ER nurse, and Ms. Larson is a supervisor with Union County’s Department of Social Services (DSS). You know, the agency that runs the foster-care program. And they had four additional foster other adopted [sorry for the error — Dok Z] children in their animal-feces-filled home. So these guys are not weirdos or anything; they’re respectable professionals. Read more on North Carolina Cops Interfere In Foster Parents’ Innovative Dead-Chicken-Based Discipline Program…
  creature features

Killer Typhoons, Low-Information Congressmen, And Giant Snakes, All In This Week’s Sci-Blog

Hola, Wonketeers! It’s time once again for another frighteningly disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Help yourselves to a bowl of ayahuasca and come on in! Whew! I’ve finally gotten all cleaned up and straightened out from another year’s Halloween. It’s truly a wonderful holiday – all the neighborhood children don clever costumes and run right up to the laboratory door to have their brains removed. So much fun, but so much work! It begins innocently enough with one of your “friends,” a group of kids way in the back of the library, perhaps an older trusted teacher. Someone will come up to you and say “Hey, Kid! wanna read the newspaper?” You act cool. You want to fit in. OK, just one article. you think.  What’s the worst that can happen? You read and suddenly a rush of knowledge hits you. It feels wonderful. I know what’s going on! you think. Soon, you’re sneaking peeks at the paper when your parents are away and watching the evening news in your room with the sound down. Your mom almost catches you in the bathroom with a copy of The Atlantic Monthly but the porno mag cover you’ve stapled on fools her. You start arguing with your teachers about foreign affairs and farm policy.  You stop hanging out with your old friends and all your new friends just happen to be “readers.” Read more on Killer Typhoons, Low-Information Congressmen, And Giant Snakes, All In This Week’s Sci-Blog…
  just as nostradamus foretold!

House GOP No Longer The Craziest People In The House

Just to add that perfect little soupçon of WTF to the end of the Dumbest Government Shutdown In History, the House vote to reopen the government and extend the debt ceiling was interrupted by the House stenographer completely losing her shit: “He [God] will not be mocked,” the stenographer, apparently named Molly, yelled into the microphone as she was dragged off by security. “The greatest deception here is that this is not one nation under God. It never was. It would not have been. The Constitution would not have been written by Freemasons. They go against God. You cannot serve two masters. Praise be to God. Praise be to Jesus.” Read more on House GOP No Longer The Craziest People In The House…
  we will find the folks responsible for this

Texas Rep. John Culberson Wants To Do 9/11 On Obamacare, For Freedom

On Saturday, when House Republicans voted to make funding the government contingent on a one-year delay in implementing the Affordable Care Act, Texas congresscritter John Culberson (R-Derp) had the perfect words to inspire his colleagues. “I said, like 9/11, ‘Let’s roll!'” This line was reportedly met with applause. Because, of course, trying to undo a law passed three years ago by Congress, signed by the president, and upheld by the Supreme Court is exactly like the actions of the passengers on United Flight 93. Culberson’s comparison was widely ridiculed, but we’d like to point out that the analogy is not completely inept: In both situations, there’s definitely a small band of ideologically driven fanatics willing to cause massive destruction to make a point, regardless of the consequences or the nihilistic futility of the act. Culberson’s only flaw is in thinking that he’s with the good guys in the back of the plane, when it’s actually his crew that’s on a suicide mission to destroy the White House. Read more on Texas Rep. John Culberson Wants To Do 9/11 On Obamacare, For Freedom…
  be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

Glenn Beck Turns Hippie Peacenik, ‘Cause War Is A Progressive Trip, Man

Glenn Beck has decided that his favorite conservative anthem is now “War: What Is It Good For? (Absolutely Nothin’).” You see, Glenn had a moment of revelation: This whole Syria thing, man, it’s just about the oil, you know? (Syria doesn’t have that much oil, really, but don’t stop him, he’s on a roll). And war? Oh, man, war is the worst, man, the ultimate bummer trip, you know? On his Monday program, Beck shared his insights (possibly the result of a peyote-fueled vision quest with a shaman) and laid on his audience this heavy message, telling viewers that Read more on Glenn Beck Turns Hippie Peacenik, ‘Cause War Is A Progressive Trip, Man…
  nobody could have predicted

Louisiana Republicans On Federal Response To Hurricane Katrina: Thanks, Obama!!!1!

More Louisiana Republicans fingerpointblamegame Barack Obama for the feds’ poor response to Hurricane Katrina than fingerpointblamegame the actual president at the time, George W. Bush. We imagine this new and intriguing take on “facts” was first promoted by Eric Golub and Jim Hoft. Read more on Louisiana Republicans On Federal Response To Hurricane Katrina: Thanks, Obama!!!1!…
  police blotter

Slap-Happy Newspaper Publisher Just Can’t Stop Slapping People In The Face

Ahem: WestView News publisher George Capsis slapped a young man several times across his face during an 11:30 a.m. rally [for New York mayoral candidate Christine Quinn] at the base of St. Vincent’s Hospital, according to witnesses. Well, we are sure that happens all the time, right? Sadly, yes! Read more on Slap-Happy Newspaper Publisher Just Can’t Stop Slapping People In The Face…
  the mayor of simpleton

Anthony Weiner. Dude, What Is Up?

Dear Anthony Weiner, Sorry to be rappin’ at ya in the form of an open letter, as those are kind of whatever, lame, but considering what could happen if you actually had our contact information, we will just keep this in a nice public place. We say that because you are gross. Now. Anthony. Baby. Bubbeh. Are you okay? Do you need a cold compress for your forehead? Would you like to sit down? We ask because WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON WITH YOU ARE YOU RUNNING FOR MAYOR OF CRAZYTOWN???!!! Why are you being super rude to very nice, earnest reporters? Why are you calling people Grandpa — like, in a mean way — at AARP forums? Why — with 10 percent in the polls, which is basically in the margin of error of ZERO PERCENT IN THE POLLS — ARE YOU STILL IN THIS FUCKING RACE? Read more on Anthony Weiner. Dude, What Is Up?…
  we won't ask so please don't tell

Happy Day! Latex And Marshmallow Fetishist Glenn Beck Comes Out In Favor Of Birth Control

The Internet has given us many wonderful things. Porn, obsessive coverage of the royal babby, ways to buy groceries without leaving the house, and, of course, porn, also, too. Downside: it ha also given us a chance to see some things we would never see, like a full-blown meltdown of a once-major news commenter. It is really sad about Brian Williams, isn’t it? Haha of course we are not talking about Brian Williams (he’s fine, we think?), we are talking about Glenn Beck because Jesus things are getting weird. For example: Beck’s stylish new birth control attire: Read more on Happy Day! Latex And Marshmallow Fetishist Glenn Beck Comes Out In Favor Of Birth Control…
  creature features

‘Manhattanhenge,’ The Ass End Of The Solar System, And An Actual Sarcasm Detector, All In This Week’s Sci-Blog

Welcome, Wonkeratti, to another bizarre and disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Have another dose of Soma and come on in! Today and tomorrow there will be a unique astronomical event, visible only to the lucky residents and visitors of Manhattan Island in New York City, USA: “Manhattanhenge”! Manhattan’s streets are laid out in a right angled grid pattern and twice each year, the setting sun is positioned at such an angle that it shines directly down the grid. Anyone who’s ever seen this phenomenon knows how awe inspiring it is to see the city illuminated like this.  For a town  so lit up at night that almost all other astronomical events are washed out,“Manhattanhenge” is a nice compensation. Read more on ‘Manhattanhenge,’ The Ass End Of The Solar System, And An Actual Sarcasm Detector, All In This Week’s Sci-Blog…
  creature features

Everybody’s All-American Rocket, Head Transplants, And Cephalopod Cloaking Devices In This Week’s Sci-Blog

Hola Wonkeratti! It’s time once again for another terrible Wonkette Sci-Blog. Mix yourselves another drink and come on in! Today, in honor of this week’s American Independence Day  we’re paying  homage to skyrocket and All-American Success Story,  the Saturn V launch Vehicle. The “Moon Rocket” we all saw (well, some of us saw) launched from Cape Canaveral Florida in the late 60’s and early 70’s, the “Five” was the largest of NASA’s Saturn series of  multistage liquid fueled heavy lift rockets. 13 S-V’s were launched, from 1967 until 1973, carrying all of the Apollo Lunar project missions and lifting the Skylab manned research station to orbit. The Saturn V is the current record holder for the heaviest payload ever launched and remains the tallest, most powerful operational rocket ever made. Read more on Everybody’s All-American Rocket, Head Transplants, And Cephalopod Cloaking Devices In This Week’s Sci-Blog…