Wonkette

A “tipster” sends us this terrible, frightening YouTube video of … we don’t know. We have no idea. It appears to be a zombie murdering a screeching robot in the dark. Or, of course, a novelty item promoting Barack Obama’s candidacy. MORE »

BUSH BUCKLES TO GREENS! Extremely thoughtful President Bush today will set goals for the control of so-called “Greenhouse Gases” by the United States of America. According to a White House press secretary, Bush does “not intend to lay out a specific plan for achieving the reductions.” Barack Obama could not be reached for comment because the Greenpeace-loving candidate was crying at the seashore, petting a baby seal. [New York Times]

This is one of those troubling images that’s been appearing here and there on the Internets for many years … the same many years, in fact, when John McCain was not running for president, in the early 1990s. Our forensic-photography expert Jim Newell obscured Dennis Hastert’s the anonymous partner’s face in this version, so we can concentrate on the Pressing Issue: Is John McCain now or has he ever been a Furry? MORE »

Oh look, a whole church exploded in “downtown Oconomowoc, Wisconsin” on Wednesday. Why is God (or the Devil) so angry at America, and so pissed at Wisconsin, in particular? The answers may surprise you, as will a lot more spooky pictures of this terrible disaster, after the jump. MORE »

U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for “fighting terrorism and promoting world peace,” according to a BBC News report. Bush has successfully promoted peace and democracy in many terrorist nations, including Iraq and Afghanistan, while making Americans safer and more prosperous at home. MORE »

So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, “Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War.” And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler’s Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening? MORE »

Many readers have sent in this very disturbing New York Times photograph of Our Barack Obama surrounded by reporters, plus a creepy lady over there on the right with a bunch of suspicious TV remotes or whatever in her hands. One website suggested she was holding a half-dozen of those little digital voice recorders that the media reporters use these days because they don’t know how to take notes. But that seems a little absurd, don’t you think? She is clearly a time-traveling space alien lady in “human” disguise about to blast our new president with Rays of Anti-Hope! MORE »

Forget Nigeria! The new spammer-scammer hotspot is St. Barack Obama’s homeland of Kenya, where the e-mailers have figured out a foolproof way to get money out of gullible American political satirists. Prepare to be awed by fraud. MORE »