Talking brunette Ken doll Rick Perry said something great the other day: “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” To put his remarks in context, context does not matter when […]

My vegetable love should grow Vaster than empires, and more slow – Andrew Marvel, “To His Coy Mistress” Can we just assume that Alonzo Liverman (yes, that is actually his name, in actual fact) is just a really poetic kind of guy? That might explain his offer to an undercover cop during a prostitution sting […]

An unspeakably ugly one-ton statue has been stolen from the home of former Miss Oklahoma, orange juice peddler, and anti-gay activist Anita Bryant in Oklahoma City. The $30,000 lump of marble was taken May 25th, although Oklahoma TV station KOTV only ran the story Monday, possibly to give the Hostage Statuary Recovery Team a chance […]

The ol’ comment queue is in need of a good hosing-out, so let’s see what detritus is in there. Looks like our stories on the Cletus Cliven Bundy and the Big Cattle Freedom Uprising generated a lot of interest among new visitors to Yr Wonkette, to whom we say Hello, welcome, and thank you for […]

From the How Is This Not Front Page News In Every Paper In The Country? Files, Bloomberg brings us the tale of how our good friends at the National Security Agency (hi guys!) have known about Heartbleed— a critical Internet security flaw that affects “the basic security of as many as two-thirds of the world’s websites”—for […]

Well! Here’s a charming little local business in Enid, Oklahoma, run by a “real character”: Gary’s Chicaros restaurant and bar, run by one Gary James, who doesn’t deny that he throws out any patrons he doesn’t like the looks of. His official restaurant T-shirts say so, with a clever promise of an “n-word-free zone.” (The […]

DOUBLE INDUMBNITY  9:36 am February 6, 2014

Glenn Beck, Private Dick

by Doktor Zoom

Idiot Savant Auteur de Merde Glenn Beck presents this short Noir masterpiece about a guy named Lucky, a legless (or one-legged, because why would you check your script for consistency?) prostitute named Charlie, and a slick grifter named Sam, who’s pushing a crazy unworkable scheme called “MyRA.” In typical Beck Drama Theater of the Airhead […]

To mark a year that saw the Voting Rights Act overturned because it’s outdated at the same time that states made it harder for people to vote, here’s The Daily Show’s Larry Wilmore to recognize some outstanding accomplishments in making us throw our hands in the air and wondering what’s wrong with people. Or as […]

A new video of performance artist/Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has surfaced; in the video, reportedly taken Monday night at a Toronto fast-food establishment, the very drunk mayor rambles and says many swears in both English and in Jamaican patois. If Toronto can’t fire him, they may just install him in a permanent performance space. The […]

Listen up, heathens. Oklahoma Sen. James Inhofe just needs to explain a thing or two to you people who think we need to extend emergency unemployment benefits that ended December 28. He has just two words that explain why we don’t need to do that: Polar Vortex. It’s easily the best cryptic advice since that […]

Oh, golly, you know sometimes Yr Doktor Zoom goes a few weeks or more without encountering the odd mental oscillations of Wonkette frenemy Bradlee Dean, who keeps failing to sue us so we can get all his money. We still think that Jim Hoft richly deserves his title of Stupidest Man on the Internet, but […]

Twitter is, of course, the place where people go to embarrass themselves in public. That’s just part of the day-to-day background noise. Throw in a national holiday, and you get all sorts of beautiful new opportunities to be an ass. Case in point, this tweet from conservative intellectual powerhouse Dinesh D’Souza, who’s thankful that America […]

From the tipline, here is a gentleman doing a bit of 300 cosplay whilst muttering something about the need to impeach Obama. He is “Leonidas, from the past,” and he explains that he did not die, but is old. Not sure the gym shorts are historically accurate. Mostly, we feel sorry for his poor horse. […]

In Monroe, North Carolina, Dorian Lee Harper and Wanda Sue Larson were arrested Friday and charged with child abuse after a deputy found their 11-year-old foster child handcuffed to the couple’s front porch. With a dead chicken tied around his neck. We’re pretty sure that one’s not even in the Bible, though we’re constantly being […]

Hola, Wonketeers! It’s time once again for another frighteningly disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Help yourselves to a bowl of ayahuasca and come on in! Whew! I’ve finally gotten all cleaned up and straightened out from another year’s Halloween. It’s truly a wonderful holiday – all the neighborhood children don clever costumes and run right up to […]