Wonkette

Our girlfriend Peggy Noonan has been more enjoyable than usual this year, as a tragically drawn-out Democratic primary battle provided her with endless opportunities to touch herself while Barack Obama spoke pretty things, and to then guiltily wash her hands and realize that Obama was, in fact, the Democrat and not Ronald Reagan and, indeed, kind of “multicultural,” if you get our drift. But all that tortured eloquence has vanished from Peggy’s column, because the oxycontin/vodka cocktail hit hard as soon as she finished typing the relatively sane setup of today’s “Declarations.” MORE »

Even more bad news for Republicans and John McCain today, courtesy of Reagan Revolutionary Peggy Noonan: Everybody loves Obama and hates the GOP, the end. Ha, not really. Peggy has a whole column to write, so she needs to explain exactly how badly the Republican Party will be stomped by the Democrats in November, even in slave states like Mississippi, where only Trent Lott’s family can legally vote. Let’s see what kind of weird new words and phrases Peggy makes up this week, after the jump. MORE »

Ever since Reagan-era propagandist Peggy Noonan started reading Wonkette this month, we’ve all noticed a spring in her step and a bee in her brain. Peggy is back, and people have taken notice. According to an anonymous “liberal journalist” who tipped William Powers at the National Journal, Noonan now has “the best political column these days, by far.” Congratulations, Peggy! You are our shining city on a hill. [National Journal]

It’s not every day that Ronald Reagan’s favorite speechwriter admits she not only reads Wonkette, but laughs at it. So we were very pleased this morning to see that Peggy Noonan, our nation’s most beloved newspaper columnist since 1911, mentioned our New Hampshire coverage and a particularly Victorian bit of high-minded satire we dropped along the way: MORE »

Dennis Kucinich was this close to winning both the nomination and the presidency when Rupert Murdoch’s evil new Wall Street Journal brazenly brought up that whole UFO incident, which everybody had completely forgotten because it was only a widely reported and heavily mocked part of a nationally televised Democrat debate a few months ago. MORE »

The Wall Street Journal has kindly made its end-of-year News Quiz available even to you, the person without a WSJ account because it’s not like you’ve got stocks or whatever. This is a way for the Big Money people to reward you for taking an interest in national and world affairs, despite your unenviable position on the Wealth Ladder. MORE »

MORE »

Proving that everyone is allowed at least one redeeming quality, we quote a Wall Street Journal letter to the editor written by Robert Bork:

What counts in mixology is the “original understanding” of the martini’s essence by those who first consumed it. The essence remains unaltered but allows proportions to evolve as circumstances change. Mr. Felten’s “near-perfect martini” is the same in principle as the “original-understanding martini” and therefore its legitimate descendant. Such latter-day travesties as the chocolate martini and the raspberry martini, on the other hand, are the work of activist bartenders.

Hear, hear. (Oyez, Oyez?) To this we’d like to add that the “wacky” or “funky” martini glass (without a stem, with a glass ball instead of a stem, anything featured in a Bombay Sapphire ad) is a consequence of attempting to legislate from the bar, opportunistically insisting on the existence of a “penumbra” around the martini glass. This allows for interpretations far beyond those intended by the Founding Fathers.

Bork’s full letter after the jump.

MORE »