Tag Archives: wsj

  Night of broken Google Glass

Tech Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Warns Of New Holocaust: People Complaining About Google Buses

Meet Tom Perkins. He is an uber-gazillionaire tech dude who once killed a man with his yacht. But that’s just an interesting footnote to his biography. See, Tom Perkins is apparently hiding in an attic in San Francisco just like Anne Frank, where he was somehow able to smuggle out this secret diary entry to the Wall Street Journal to warn of the coming Holocaust: Writing from the epicenter of progressive thought, San Francisco, I would call attention to the parallels of fascist Nazi Germany to its war on its “one percent,” namely its Jews, to the progressive war on the American one percent, namely the “rich.” In case you’re thinking that sounds a tad hyperbolic, rest assured, Perkins has EVIDENCE that the progressive war on wealth inequality is pretty much exactly like Nazi Germany: Read more on Tech Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Warns Of New Holocaust: People Complaining About Google Buses…
  mansions are people my friend

Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!

Hey, Serious Journamalists, are you looking for a new challenge? Maybe you’ve done your embedded time in the Iraq or the Afghanistan, and you’ve done your fair share of reporting on blowed up limbs and now you’re like, meh, how can I really push the limits of my reporting skills? Well, polish off that résumé because the Wall Street Journal — our nation’s newspaper of record for people who wake up in the dead of the night cold-sweating about their stock portfolio — has an exciting new opportunity for you to really earn your journamalism stripes: Read more on Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!…
  the luckiest duckies in the world

Wall Street Journal: Homeless People Just In It For All The Free Soup

Hedge fund manager Andy Kessler has figured out the true cause of homelessness: people lose everything and live on the streets because interfering do-gooders provide all those sweet cots and delicious soup-kitchen meals, and if people really wanted to help the homeless, they’d stop wasting their time volunteering, make more money for themselves, and go create some jobs. This insight is folded into Kessler’s larger point, which is that these awful millennial kids are all well-off and spoiled, like his 16-year-old son, and just volunteer to assuage their guilt or because it looks good on their college application. The real question is why Andy Kessler isn’t hard at work drafting the 2016 GOP platform. Then again, maybe he is — Jeb Bush tweetered about it yesterday, saying “Andy Kessler speaks the truth.” Read more on Wall Street Journal: Homeless People Just In It For All The Free Soup…
  let the hague sort it out

Wall Street Journal Wishes Egypt Could Benefit from Its Very Own Pinochet

Good news everyone! Egyptians have (once again) taken to Tahrir square by the millions, and, aided by the military, deposed a sitting president. What is the appropriate reaction here? Is it: a) indifference, because we are ethnocentric Americans who cannot even find Egypt on a map. b) elation, because, as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  put it, “no one is free when others are oppressed” and the Egyptian people have once again proved that they are interested in controlling their own collective destiny. c) sadness, because the Egyptian people would be much better off if a psychopathic authoritarian dictator deposed a democratically elected president, killed or tortured thousands of people, and then imposed free market reforms. Duh, the correct answer according to the Wall Street Journal‘s editorial board is: c) sadness, because the Egyptian people would be much better off if a psychopathic authoritarian dictator deposed a democratically elected president, killed or tortured thousands of people, and then imposed free market reforms. Read more on Wall Street Journal Wishes Egypt Could Benefit from Its Very Own Pinochet…
  secret agent mansplaining

Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?

We decided we needed an entirely separate Explainer to discuss all the stupid morons saying dumb things about PRISM and/or the collection of All Metadata Everywhere, because so many “journalists” have been MORE THAN HAPPY to come forward, pat America on its pretty head and mansplain that this is no big deal, and also, isn’t it nice that we are somehow magically so much SAFER due to the technological marvels of a top secret program? Also, which is it? A technological marvel whose penetration into our privacy is necessary to Keep Us Safe, or alternatively, a piddly little exercise in security theater that is No Big Deal (unless you are a terrorist, in which case, watch out!)? We are still not sure! Here, let us run through all a selection of the Op-Ed columnists who CANNOT WAIT to tell us how wonderful it is that the government is invading our privacy, and then we will get to the elected officials who are shocked, SHOCKED to discover the existence of a program they supported and voted for or alternatively, can’t figure out why everyone is so upset. Read more on Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?…
  tragedy

Peggy Noonan Didn’t Like Her Hotel Room. Thanks Obama!

Has there ever been a sadder thing in the history of What We Must Bear than the time Peggy Noonan didn’t like her hotel room? Well, yes! There was also the time the people-movers at the airport didn’t work, and Peggy Noonan had to drag her suitcase along dirty carpet! Let us read of these great horrors, and hold our children close, and kiss them on the tops of their heads, and mutter thankful prayers to whichever G_d we choose that we, too, did not have to suffer the fate that Peggy Noonan did, in the hotel room she did not like, due to “Obama” and “jobs.” Read more on Peggy Noonan Didn’t Like Her Hotel Room. Thanks Obama!…
  first you take a drink then the drink takes a drink

Peggy Noonan Will Now Slur Her One-Million Word Book Report At You

We still get a wee thrill of joy every time there’s a new Peggy Noonan column. There’s a certain sad delight in watching someone who penned some of the best speeches of the last 50 years turn into the drunk lady at the country club – persistent, but mostly harmless. Before you ask, no we are not engaging in hyperbole about Peg’s former writing chops. Go read Reagan’s address to the nation after the Challenger explosion. We’ll wait. Read more on Peggy Noonan Will Now Slur Her One-Million Word Book Report At You…
  the larks the beautiful larks

Peggy Noonan: How Is Wimpy Self-Pitying Richard Milhous Obama Bullying The Nation Today?

In the misty days and bestarryed eves that pile one upon the other until a bevy of swooping larks of the nation’s citoyens fly as one for the gravied pomp and gloried circumstance of an Inauguration, a President must love. He must love John Boehner, and Mitch McConnell, with the lion’s heart in which a lamb could safely nestle, of Love and Bigness. Also, here are the things Barack Obama is doing that annoy Peggy Noonan, in order. Having an inauguration. Which should be unifying. But he was mean to John Boehner. Which means he hates half the country. Even though only a quarter of the country approves of John Boehner. Because Obama said Republicans are holding the economy hostage. And are suspicious of Social Security. And feeding children. Even though they said that. And he pointed out that they call him a socialist. As if anyone would ever do such a thing! Which makes him paranoid, like Richard Nixon. Read more on Peggy Noonan: How Is Wimpy Self-Pitying Richard Milhous Obama Bullying The Nation Today?…
  bloom off the rose

Peggy Noonan: Why Won’t Barack Obama Be Bipartisan Like John Boehner And Reagan Yes She Says Yes She Says Yes?

barack obama john boehner ronald reagan ronald reagan bipartisan tip o’neill ronald reagan cliffs the cliffs always cliffs good faith why why why no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didn’t call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for notkeeping them in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Ronald Reagan of course hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old Lion would Read more on Peggy Noonan: Why Won’t Barack Obama Be Bipartisan Like John Boehner And Reagan Yes She Says Yes She Says Yes?…
  We Have Always Been at War with Eastquestria.

Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine

Hey guys! Did you know that there’s a vast left-wing conspiracy to cover up the TRVTH about what happened in Libya? Totally factual and documented — at least, inside what Wonkette’s BFF Rachel Maddow calls the conservative “media bubble where [there are no] neutral or contrasting points of view.” And so, when Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, a press organ (huh-huh… “organ”) that is usually thought of as a reliable part of that bubble, runs a story falling outside the accepted conservative narrative about Benghazi, the only rational response is to declare the WSJ part of a pro-Obama spin campaign. Makes sense to us! Posting at Dead Andrew Breitbart’s Big Journalism site, AWR Hawkins says that the WSJ is one of many “Obama surrogates in the mainstream media” bent on “providing a smokescreen for U.S. Ambassador Susan Rice.” Read more on Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine…
  sounds legit

Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them

Who among you supposed — nay, dreamed — way back in 2008 that Karl Rove, having completed his task of gifting George W. Bush to America, would take his balls and go home and stop messing around with democracy? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but not only does he have a $200,000,000 SuperPac to screw around with, he’s also been going on the Sunday morning yap shows to talk about Bush’s “accomplishments” and writing op-eds for the Wall Street Journal that misquote Bill Clinton. Now he’s back with ANOTHER op-ed, also in the Wall Street Journal, this one focusing on the fact that the GOP has a “Medicare advantage” over the Democrats. And surprise surprise, this one is as poorly sourced and given to hyperbole and obfuscation as the last one. But it’s Karl Rove, leader of the GOP Hive Mind, so we figure we should pay attention! Read more on Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them…
  twit

Idiots On Aurora: Pt. Trois(t)

We are almost perfectly sure Wall Street Journal resident douchebag James Taranto didn’t mean to call down the Vengeance of the Internet last night, when he tweeted about the three women whose boyfriends died shielding them from the fusillade in Aurora, “I hope the girls whose boyfriends died to save them were worthy of the sacrifice.” Let us repeat that, in case you were skimming that first graf: “I hope the girls whose boyfriends died to save them were worthy of the sacrifice.” Read more on Idiots On Aurora: Pt. Trois(t)…
  beep boop boop probing

Romney: I Love The Interchange With Individuals That Are Probing And Pushing

Mitt Romney gave an interview to Peggy Noonan, and it is great! She is the greatest interviewer, very important and insightful questions, we are sure! Do you wake up in a good mood, or do you have to work your way into it? “When was the last time you woke up unhappy?” “Do you love politics—the joy of it, the fight of it?” Those are all so good, and we cannot wait to hear the answers, which are like, “depends,” “can’t remember,” and “nah.” Read more on Romney: I Love The Interchange With Individuals That Are Probing And Pushing…
  snuff films

Indonesian ‘Karate Kid’ Ripoff ‘Little Obama’ Is This Year’s Hottest Summer Blockbuster

This is a little old but is SUPER IMPORTANT TO DEMOCRACY. Indonesian director Damien Dematra has finished shooting on Little Obama, a film based very, very loosely on our President Barry Soweto’s formative years in the country. It looks very good. Look, that’s where Obama got his karate skillz! It all makes sense now! And you see that little brown Desi Arnaz kicking those marbles? That’s when Barry came up with his most vindictive idea, Obamacare. Read more on Indonesian ‘Karate Kid’ Ripoff ‘Little Obama’ Is This Year’s Hottest Summer Blockbuster…
  "snowe job"

Erick Erickson’s Snowe Job Is In The Big Leagues Now You Guys!

Here is the Wall Street Journal‘s important journalistic follow-up expose on Erick Erickson’s infallible plan to convenience Olympia Snowe out of office, forever. Erick Erickson was so stoked yesterday about getting a call from the WSJ, and check out all this killer contextualization he did. Read more on Erick Erickson’s Snowe Job Is In The Big Leagues Now You Guys!…