Tag Archives: world series

  Sports! Sports Sports Sports!

Sportsball Year In Review: It Was Mostly Awful!

Sad Brazil fan is sad.
Sports! Oh man, sports, aren’t they great? Shut up, they are too. Here now is your 2014 Wonkette Sportsball Year In Review, because why not? Off-field Hits Plague NFL Sorry to break this to you, Wonketeers, but the NFL remains the most popular form of sportsball in America. It seems we cannot get enough of the big men slamming into each other, and with all of the downtime between plays, who can blame us? This year, however, public perception of the NFL took a serious turn for the worse. The AP named the NFL’s domestic abuse scandals the sports story of the year, and the league’s ham-fisted response to the scandals will be studied by dead-eyed PR majors for generations to come. Read more on Sportsball Year In Review: It Was Mostly Awful!…
  daily briefing

At Least Everyone Can Agree It Will Be Nice To Have Football On At Bars Again!

Last night the Yankees baseball team won the competition that determines the best baseball team of all the other baseball teams! [New York Times] 600 UN staffers in Afghanistan will leave the country for a few weeks while the UN works to find them housing that will be harder to blow up. [Washington Post] Read more on At Least Everyone Can Agree It Will Be Nice To Have Football On At Bars Again!…
  daily briefing

Hamid Karzai Is Declared President—But Was He Even Born In America??

After very possibly receiving fewer votes than his opponent, Hamid Karzai has won the presidential election of Afghanistan! [New York Times] Ford earned $1 billion in the third quarter and people are now thinking the company could be profitable by 2011. [Washington Post] Read more on Hamid Karzai Is Declared President—But Was He Even Born In America??…
  daily briefing

Top-Secret Congressional Ethics Thing Found On Public Network And Emailed To Washington Post

Someone accidentally left a document detailing ongoing Congressional ethics violations investigations on a public computer network. The Word paperclip would have advised against this. [Washington Post] The deposed president of Honduras has been temporarily undeposed by the de facto government. Legitimacy has been totally restored to government there, clearly. [New York Times] Read more on Top-Secret Congressional Ethics Thing Found On Public Network And Emailed To Washington Post…
  daily briefing

Boy, What A Thrilling/Excruciating Athletics Event On Teevee At The Local Baseball Pub Last Night!

Last night’s baseball match went smashingly/terribly—depending on whether you were in a sports bar with mostly blue decorations or mostly red ones. [Reuters] Ahmadinejad implied that Iran would do everyone a favor and would indeed be enriching its uranium elsewhere. [New York Times] Read more on Boy, What A Thrilling/Excruciating Athletics Event On Teevee At The Local Baseball Pub Last Night!…
  daily briefing

Some Northeast Athletic Clubs Will Compete In Rio 2016 Olympics Of Baseball

Your 2009 World Series will feature the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, two popular Northeast athletics organizations. USA! [New York Times] Baghdad had another suicide bombing: 132 people died, which is the most all at once since 2007. [Washington Post] Read more on Some Northeast Athletic Clubs Will Compete In Rio 2016 Olympics Of Baseball…
  horrible slimeballs

Barack Obama Wants Every Sports Team To Win World Series

Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn’t like at all in order to win evil blood money “swing state” votes. He claims he is first a “White Sox” fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay “Rays” to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox. Read more on Barack Obama Wants Every Sports Team To Win World Series…
 

Tom Tancredo Quitting Congress, Retiring To Mexico

Excitable GOP troll Tom Tancredo says he won’t run for re-election because he’s too busy being angry about Mexicans, even though his presidential campaign continues to inspire nobody, not even the angry hordes of AM talk-radio listeners who should be supporting him. Tancredo, currently running near the bottom of the dozen or so Republican candidates (but probably over Ron Paul), made the announcement after some baseball game last night. Read more on Tom Tancredo Quitting Congress, Retiring To Mexico…
 

Remainders: Out for a Good Borking

• Jeb Bush, talking hurricane relief and support, proves to be a less-than-traditional conservative: “If Wal-Mart can do it, why can’t the government?” That’s like digging up Barry Goldwater in order to kill him again! [South Florida Sun-Sentinel] • “Borked” versus “Miers”. What the rest of the world calls “tops” and “bottoms.” [AP, via Breitbart.com] • Vioxx teaches its reps to play Dodgeball. Because nobody makes them bleed their own profits! Nobody! [ATLA] • The original text of Harriet Miers resignation letter. REVEALED! [Flak Magazine] • Red States Lose! Ozzie Guillen rubs Texas’ face in it by taking World Series victory to decidedly erotic new heights. [AP] Read more on Remainders: Out for a Good Borking…