Tag Archives: world net daily

  It Could Happen

Alan Keyes, Not Crazy: Obama Colluding With Iran To Bomb U.S. Like Hitler, Probably (Not)

What more evidence do you need?
Someone is still bitter about that time Barack Obama kicked his ass, and we’re not even talking about John McCain this time! Nah, we’re mocking wingnut wackadoodle dingbat Alan Keyes, the guy who carpetbagged on over to Illinois three months before the 2004 election, after Republican Senate nominee Jack Ryan had to drop out because sex scandal and also because Illinois. Despite Keyes’s claim that even Jesus Christ his own self would not vote for devil incarnate Obama, pretty much all of Illinois (73 percent) did, and that is how Obama began his journey to illegally usurping the White House, by winning elections. Read more on Alan Keyes, Not Crazy: Obama Colluding With Iran To Bomb U.S. Like Hitler, Probably (Not)…
  she's still got it

Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion

She tried to warn us
Have you been missing former Rep. Michele Bachmann since she retired to be president of the United States of Cheap Gas? Us too! And it seems she might be regretting her retirement, because hoo boy, those morons in the House are absolutely lost without her. In an EXCLUSIVE! interview with WND, Bachmann predicted that the 2016 presidential election has already been lost, thanks to those know-nothing turncoat Republicans who sold out their party and America. No, no, she’s not talking about the traitorous love letter to Iran. Don’t be silly! Read more on Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion…
  If Obama hadn't done it none of this would be a problem

GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare

The other day we introduced you all to our new favorite people, the World Net Daily-style commenters recruited as plaintiffs in the latest Republican lawsuit to destroy Obamacare forever and ever. The case is called King v. Burwell, and it’s a complex lawsuit, but let’s try to spell it out: Under the Affordable Care Act, subsidies are provided to qualifying people in order to help them pay for their insurance, and they are provided by state insurance exchanges, and in states that were too lazy/wingnut to set up said exchanges, the federal government handles the subsidies. Read more on GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare…
  still makes more sense than maureen dowd

Million-Year-Old ‘Rocker’ Pat Boone Thinks Obama Will Set All The Murderers Free

Pat Boone — once a popular entertainer who appropriated black music and sanitized it for white consumption, now a WorldNetDaily columnist, and there’s a career arc — posted some thoughts over at Joseph Farah’s Internet Home for Mustachioed Paranoids earlier this week, and boy howdy, are they sublime. The tl;dr is that Obama’s gonna let all the prisoners out of the jails for socialism or something, but we’ll let ol’ Pat speak for himself: Read more on Million-Year-Old ‘Rocker’ Pat Boone Thinks Obama Will Set All The Murderers Free…
  it's just crazy enough to be true

Edward Snowden Gives Putin Super-Duper-Secret Info On President Obama’s DNA, Says Not-At-All-Crazy Birther

We know everyone within the Wonkette universe has complicated feels about floor wax/dessert topping Edward Snowden, but a new story about the Libertarian Man of Mystery has totally blown our minds, and now we don’t know what to think. If this newest claim being made about the documents he stole from the NSA turns out to be true, Edward Snowden may just turn out to be the greatest American hero since Nick Mancuso was offering his Corvette Stingray for barter. Seriously, it’s that big. Did we mention how big it is? Because holy crap, it’s big. Here is the big scoop: as part of his deal to leave Hong Kong, Snowden promised to turn over to Vladimir Putin the secret US intelligence file on President Obama’s DNA that proves Stanley Dunham was not Obama’s biological mother. We told you people! Read more on Edward Snowden Gives Putin Super-Duper-Secret Info On President Obama’s DNA, Says Not-At-All-Crazy Birther…
  Jesus Was A Limited Liability Corporation

‘Jesus Was A Capitalist’ Is Really The Title Of This Tea Party Nobody’s Rant Against The Pope

Pope Francis has been making a lot of liberals feel funny in the pants (the POLITICS part of the pants, pervo), like when he recently said that capitalism is a buncha bullshit (paraphrasing), and also when he touched the guy with the non-standard skin, even though we didn’t write about it. But not everybody is happy about the Pope’s new popery. One such not everybody is a man we’ve never heard of before named Jonathon Moseley, a Tea Party Something from Who Cares. Jonathon Moseley has much special knowledge about Jesus Christ: Jesus was a capitalist, preaching personal responsibility, not a socialist. Totally, like when Jesus said unto his flock “It is the one who is least among you who will work for the lowest wage, and woe be upon him who formeth a union, for I said so. Also my taxes are too high.” Let us pray. Read more on ‘Jesus Was A Capitalist’ Is Really The Title Of This Tea Party Nobody’s Rant Against The Pope…
  Won't someone please think of poor poor George?

George Zimmerman Domestic Violenced His Girlfriend Because He Has PTSD From Killing That Kid That One Time

So remember how Brave Ground Standing Hero George Zimmerman was arrested for domestic violencing his girlfriend? Of course you do, because it was just the other day, and even if you missed the headline, you are not the least bit surprised because that sure does sound like goofy ol’ George, doesn’t it? Well, it turns out there is a perfectly logical explanation for why George had to break all his girlfriend’s stuff and point his gun in her face and also choke her a week before that. It is The Media’s fault, of course, for turning previously Real Nice Guy George Zimmerman into Still Real Nice Guy But With Issues George Zimmerman. Here, let Mr. Jack Cashill of World Net Daily (so you know it should be taken very seriously) explain: “I’ve talked to his father and his brother and they said he’s just not the same person. I would say PTSD is probably a pretty good description of what’s going on,” Cashill told WND. “They took his job, took his marriage, the whole thing cost him tremendously and the media gloried in his screw-ups.” Read more on George Zimmerman Domestic Violenced His Girlfriend Because He Has PTSD From Killing That Kid That One Time…
  sweet grifty action

Oh, By The Way, Bradlee Dean Still Suing Rachel Maddow For Quoting Him Verbatim

Noted First Amendment scholar and bff to your Wonket Bradlee Dean knows a thing or two about the media: First, he knows that he can sue you if you libel him by quoting him verbatim. Second, he knows who is to blame (applaud?) for the George Zimmerman acquittal, and that is the media, because of how they broke the law in the George Zimmerman trial? Not the guy who shot the kid, obvs, that guy’s golden, because CLEARLY there is no law against shooting people if you want to shoot them super bad, but somehow there is a law against licentious democracy of the news media, probably MSNBC specifically, who can tell, since his entire column is a crunchy Southwest chicken salad of tortilla strips and beans and corn and fucking nonsense? Like, there are words? And they are in a row? Some of them were at previous times said by “architects” of the First Amendment, and so have some bearing on something? We just know there is a LOT OF WORDS. ALL THE WORDS. HERE PLEASE HAVE SOME WORDS. Like here is just the start, which is then never explained nor explored, it is just there, like beef jerky between your molar and your gums, and it seems to intimate that we should not have a democracy because it causes anti-Biblical behavior, like gays not being stoned to death and girls getting married in gowns of mud. “The known propensity of a democracy is to licentiousness, which the … ignorant believe to be liberty.” – Fisher Ames, architect of the First Amendment Just beeteedubs, we bet the elided part in that quote was, like, “cool guys who are not.” OH BY THE WAY, BURIED LEDE: According to the column’s end note, Bradlee Dean is STILL SUING RACHEL MADDOW. Some people just can’t stop racking up other people’s attorneys’ fees! Read more on Oh, By The Way, Bradlee Dean Still Suing Rachel Maddow For Quoting Him Verbatim…
  Let Them Eat Derp

In Case You Forgot, Rick Santorum Has Important Thoughts About Freedom

Discarded philosopher-statesman Rick Santorum’s latest column at World Net Daily is about Freedom and the taking of it by Barack Obama. Naturally, it’s a veritable Journey concert of brain-dead paleo-conservative greatest hits: We are Free Americans because our values are having guns, being hetero-sexing Christians, drowning Obamacare in the sink, and Taxed Enough Already! Yes, all of this stopped being terribly funny a while ago, but here’s the thing: Rick Santorum’s rote regurgitations distill a certain dangerous strain of American political “thought” that remains influential. Hell, they might even influence how people think and talk about politics, so what choice does yr Wonkette have but to think up new ways to eviscerate the simpleton “philosophies” that underpin them? We will do it real good, we promise. PLUS: Rick Santorum invents a new form of punctuation! Read more on In Case You Forgot, Rick Santorum Has Important Thoughts About Freedom…
  mccarthyism is phun

WND Columnist Complains About Continuing ‘Slander’ Of Joe McCarthy, Without An Ounce Of Irony

There are ebbs and flows in the deluge of rancid insanity that oozes into the turd-polishing traps of World Net Daily. Right now we experiencing one of those VERY high tide days. Ted Nugent posted about how he loves the blacks (especially their music that he stole). Alan Keyes is gay panicking for a record 6,000th time this decade. Bradlee Dean took a break from collecting cans to pay back Rachel Maddow to write something that sounds like he painted it in his own poop against a wall in solitary confinement. There’s even some handy “rape avoidance” tips from Joseph Farah and his trigger warning mustache). But amongst all that wonderful collection of odiousness, it is Diana West’s hagiography of poor misunderstood Joe McCarthy that truly embodies everything that is wonderful about the house that Corsi built: No matter how much evidence vindicating the late Sen. Joe McCarthy comes out, what we call McCarthyism remains anathema in American life. Simply to utter the word is to deep-freeze debate, even thought itself. Even as we learn about the history-changing extent to which American traitors working for the Kremlin penetrated and subverted the U.S. government (including many individuals investigated by McCarthy), the unsupportable fact remains that nothing in American public life is worse than to be compared to the man best-known for his uncompromising fight against the secret, massive assault on our nation. When will we realize it’s time to make amends and honor his memory? Read more on WND Columnist Complains About Continuing ‘Slander’ Of Joe McCarthy, Without An Ounce Of Irony…
  the birthers are now the ringers

WND: Obama Gay Married Islam

It’s been nearly…oh, a few days, maybe, since there was an insane conspiracy theory about Barack Obama, so of course there’s another one! Barack Obama has a wedding ring, and unlike a normal American male, it is slightly fancy with squiggles and shit. Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., has investigated the ring through blurry, pixelated pictures and also consulted noted Islamic ring expert Mark A. Gabriel (who has a doctorate in “Christian Education”) who says without a doubt that the pictures of the ring are almost entirely certainly Islamic. Egyptian-born Islamic scholar Mark A. Gabriel, Ph.D., examined photographs of Obama’s ring at WND’s request and concluded that the first half of the Shahada is inscribed on it. “There can be no doubt that someone wearing the inscription ‘There is no god except Allah’ has a very close connection to Islamic beliefs, the Islamic religion and Islamic society to which this statement is so strongly attached,” Gabriel told WND. Below, the indisputable pictorial evidence that will convince you beyond a doubt that Obama’s ring…has squiggles on it? Read more on WND: Obama Gay Married Islam…
  it takes a nation of millions to completely ignore this

New Black Panther Party Set To Make White People Feel Mildly Uncomfortable

In a super-exclusive (read: he was the only person who would talk to them) interview with World Net Daily’s Aaron Klein, New Black Panther Party head Malik Shabazz (real name: Paris Lewis) threatens to once again dominate the white man at up to one polling place in November. During an interview on WABC Radio’s “Aaron Klein Investigative Radio,” Shabaz was asked whether his group is planning to go to U.S. polling stations in the upcoming presidential election. Shabazz replied: “I will say that as this election comes up in November, we will consider our options. And we will consider the fact whether we will legally and lawfully go to the polls again to make sure there is no intimidation against our people, which was our intent in 2008.” Mr. Shabazz, it is time for us to have a talk, because you are goddamn delusional. Read more on New Black Panther Party Set To Make White People Feel Mildly Uncomfortable…
  the vetting

World Net Daily Declares Obama’s Love Letters Fraudulent, For No Real Reason

Those Obama love letter excerpts that Vanity Fair ran a couple of weeks ago were the best thing that happened to low-end wingnut grifter consortium World Net Daily since forever — it gave them a new opportunity to call some new Obama thing totally fake, because… well, look at them, they’re clearly bullshit. Letters. Pfft. Why won’t the mainstream media spuriously declare them fake? Because they don’t have the brains of a Doctor Jack Cashill, the supreme linguistico-syntactical Indiana Jones of wordsleuthery and anti-truth discovery who’s most famous for pointing out that Bill Ayers wrote Dreams from My Father. Cashill argues that Obama couldn’t have written those letters, because (a) UMLAUTS? (b) he doesn’t like Obama (c) they don’t sound at all like the writing in Dreams from My Father, which, again, Obama didn’t write, but still. Read more on World Net Daily Declares Obama’s Love Letters Fraudulent, For No Real Reason…
  media elites

What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?

Mitt Romney is a fraud and a liberal and they would never like him, the conservative Internettery told us for years. Who goes to closed-door suck-offs with politicians, anyway? But yesterday, they all met up to hug each other at the elite — ELITE — Capitol Hill Cub. Why have they abandoned the true conservative cause and sold out, horribly, and irreversibly, to their new best friend Mitt Romney? Aren’t they all going to Hell for this? (Sorry, excuse us, we’re enjoying ourselves, because this is totally what they would say.) Have they all apologized to their readers in the Conservative Movement yet, for selling out so quickly and aligning themselves to this fat cat abortion-loving Space Masshole? It seems the only organization with any integrity on the Republican side is World Net Daily. Read more on What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?…
  Secret Half-Muslin

Wingnut Anti-Tax Hero Grover Norquist Actually Muslim Extremist?

It was a long, long reign of terror. But slowly, and at long last, real conservatives are coming to understand the true identity of anti-tax Republican hero Grover H. Norquist: He’s a dangerous Muslim extremist! Important wingnut Internet Newspaper World Net Daily broke the news about the right-wing heartthrob, and now teabaggers nationwide are expected to quit supporting Norquist’s anti-tax policies and probably join the #Occupy Wall Streeters …. anything to avoid the creeping Shariah that is always creeping up the wingnuts’ legs and making them feel all tingly. Read more on Wingnut Anti-Tax Hero Grover Norquist Actually Muslim Extremist?…
  nafta doesn't even want us anymore

Jerome Corsi Returns To North American Union Thing

Swiftboat birther nutsack Jerome Corsi is so confused by Obama becoming Republican Senate Majority Leader that there’s really nothing left to do but go back to the old “George W. Bush is making Mexico and Canada part of America by building an unfunded interstate highway in the Midwest” conspiracy. Corsi’s new WorldNetDaily column totally ignores the actual news about Obama — that this Krafty Kenyan has somehow become Ronald Reagan’s actual son/heir — and instead makes ample use of “quietly” and “below the radar” to tell the sinister story of how there’s some government report suggesting North America should better coordinate security considering the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD wants to blow up the United States and it’s relatively simple to get in through the Canadian or Mexican borders if the FBI and State Department forgot to send your chartered plane to Saudi Arabia or whatever. Read more on Jerome Corsi Returns To North American Union Thing…
  hate=bald eagles and apple pie

Newt Gingrich Continues To Be Terrible On Mosque Issue, Is Joined By Anti-Defamation League

Newt Gingrich is very busy! Look, there he is, saying Sarah Palin will run for president! And wow, he wants us to explode the other two members of the “Axis of Evil!” But more importantly, it is his job to stoke fear over the proposed mosque near the World Trade Center site, so it is no surprise he is using that hate to raise money for himself. You know what is a surprise? The Anti-Defamation League is joining him in this hate. Read more on Newt Gingrich Continues To Be Terrible On Mosque Issue, Is Joined By Anti-Defamation League…
  sorry dude hawaii doesn't count either

Birthers’ Grand New Strategy: No Matter Where Obama Was Born, He Can’t Be President

As the election of America’s first “half-white” president nears its second anniversary, things still aren’t going that swell for the shrinking team of furious dingbats who hoped to sue Barack Obama out of the White House because his dad was an African black person. For two years, the teabaggers’ most prominent intellectual arm has waged a low-level courtroom war (mostly by email forwards) aimed at proving Barack Hussein Obama is not a citizen of America because he is a black person, and black people are — under the Original “O.G.” Constitution — simply slaves, worth only 3/5 of a normal fat white person, by body weight. Read more on Birthers’ Grand New Strategy: No Matter Where Obama Was Born, He Can’t Be President…
  wolverines!

World Net Daily Folks Release Crappy White People Rap Thing

What to listen to during this week’s drive to church? How about WOLVERINES!: “WND-TV stars Molotov Mitchell of ‘For the Record’ fame and D.J. Dolce of ‘News! News!’ notoriety have teamed in a momentous new rap video called ‘OTP (One Term President)’ debuting on YouTube today.” It’s awful! Too bad that Molotov Mitchell lost his job making delicious pies at the bakery, though. [WND] Read more on World Net Daily Folks Release Crappy White People Rap Thing…
  traitors everywhere

World Net Daily Warning: Glenn Beck Is a Liberal

How much do we love teevee’s crying nut Glenn Beck? Not at all, even though he’s the most popular nut on Fox News’ afternoon nut house. But unemployed 58-year-old white Americans who should love the hysterical pig-eyed blob may be turning against him, because of his rampant liberalism. This is beloved online newspaper World Net Daily’s new description of CPAC’s star speaker from just last weekend: “‘Global warming’ believer finds common ground with George Clooney, his publicist is Democratic Party power player.” So, he is a French pole-smoker, the end. [WND] Read more on World Net Daily Warning: Glenn Beck Is a Liberal…
  not the band

Obama, Interpol Locking White People In Secret New York Vault

One of Washington’s most well-sourced reporters, Michael Isikoff, is finally starting to cover the important things: “Now Norris, famed for his expertise in the martial arts, attacks from a different direction. In a new column on World Net Daily, the right-wing Web site, he claims that Obama signed the executive order so that he can slyly, without anyone noticing, create a ‘secret vault’ at Interpol’s New York office to conceal important records about the war on terror from the American public.” Hooray! Obviously the American public can’t handle information, so he might as well. [Newsweek] Read more on Obama, Interpol Locking White People In Secret New York Vault…
  jolly old elf

Wingnuts Nervous About Elf Sex In Video Game

We haven’t even thrown away the rotting turkey carcass on the dining room table or swept up the broken glass or sent those people back home, whoever they are/were, and it seems like the War On Xmas has already begun! Why, some folks tell of the early skirmishes of ’09 beginning before Halloween, or Easter, one of those. And the wingnuts are pretty hot & bothered about this video game they love, with the gay male elves just cold fuckin’ each other in the ass. Check it out! Read more on Wingnuts Nervous About Elf Sex In Video Game…