world cup
Friendly German Octopus a Sworn Enemy of the Islamic Republic
What have you infidels done this time to infuriate Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so thoroughly? (Trick question, for your very existence forces Ahmadinejad to hate you at all hours of the day.) But his never-ceasing hatred has just been multiplied by infinity, thanks in part to a certain German octopus by the name of Paul, who is [...]
Seriously Cheap Beer And Other Opportunities To Eat For Nothing
Tonight, July 7: What should you do tonight? Should you be a Wonkette reader who actually lives in DC, you should come to our Weeping Eagle Awards, of course. The ceremony/happy hour/comedic political hour is tonight at Solly’s and it includes free southern treats and whoopie pies, drink specials and actual physical weeping eagles awards. [...]
Soccer Will Go On (As Will Drinking) Despite a U.S.-Less World Cup
For a while there, we all thought the U.S. soccer team just might make it out of the round of 16 and into the quarterfinals … ha ha, no. But now we have all these Americans who suddenly love their country, who spent all day Saturday glued to the teevee watching this Euro-Latinno sport of [...]
Waiting For Dick Cheney To Die? Get a Chair
First, it’s not going to be “justice” when Dick Cheney finally drops dead. He’s an old man, a sick & diseased 69-year-old blob of bitter fat and gristle and plastic. If the poisonous toad had been run over by a manure truck about thirty years ago, that would’ve been evidence of the Great Cosmic Wheels [...]
USA Finally Wins Something Against Muslims, Let’s Eat
Wednesday, June 23: The U.S. actually won the soccer — and should you be Latino, an elite progressive or a confused patriot, you must be consumed with joy! (Obama now has a guaranteed win in 2012, right?) If you didn’t fake a cold or schedule a visit from the plumber this morning and missed this [...]
This Would Be the Weekend You’re Supposed To Express Love For Your Dad
Assuming you didn’t just find out that your dad has been having unavoidable sexytime with a teevee star’s ex-wife, or that your dad isn’t an incompetent teen-sex model your mom just let back in the house, you should have no excuse not to spend Sunday, Father’s Day, with the man whose sperm is responsible for [...]
Can A Restaurant Exist If Not For Obama? Plus Reasons To Maybe Feed Your Children
Thursday, June 17:If you’ve been watching the World Cup, you’ve probably become viciously anti-American. You may also like Latinos and have contemplated which salad, cupcake or modern furniture store to loot should the U.S. tie/win on Friday. But before you lose all sense of good will, head to Town Tavern on Thursday night for a [...]
Orange Monsters Invade Soho
The universally polite and respectful community of the world’s soccer fans are FED UP with those obnoxious World Cup Horatio Hornblowers. Why can’t soccer be dignified again, like NASCAR? [NYDailyNews] Notoriously elitist boy’s club: the homeless, have finally allowed women and children into their circle of aluminum can racketeers. [USA Today] NYU looks to construct [...]
A Children’s Treasury of Americans/Gays Liking America/Gays
Hundreds or maybe thousands of people gathered in Dupont Circle on Saturday to watch the USA vs. England match, and for the first time since Obama was inaugurated, Washingtonians were united in their love of America. There were earnest, non-ironic chants of “USA …USA!” There were raucous renditions of “London Bridges Falling Down” (nothing says [...]
Did the Media Fail Helen Thomas By Letting Her Be In the Media?
Legendary White House Crone Helen Thomas got herself pushed into retirement finally, at age 89, over a bizarre outburst into a rabbi’s video camera about how the Israeli Jews need to go “back [to] Poland, Germany,” etc. Was it the White House press corps’ fault for letting the increasingly shrill lady keep yelling her Democratic [...]
A Children’s Treasury Of Fox News Readers’ World Cup Imagery
One of the greatest ideas the Web honchos for Fox News ever had was to basically rip off the classic Fark PhotoShop contest and just have their mouth-breathing readership create terribly hacked together visual insanity about whatever vaguely newsworthy topic they can think of, under the punny label “Photo Op-inion.” Today’s topic was “World Cup [...]
It’s Called The ‘World Cup,’ Not The ‘USA Cup,’ Traitor
Today is the beginning of the quadrennial World Cup soccer-football championship, hooray! Combining the best of sports and vicious nationalism, the World Cup is the one tournament that prompts even a tiny sliver of Americans to pretend to care about this sport. Naturally, this tepid amount of interest is a sinister plot cooked up by [...]
Football In June?! There Is a God!
The World Cup starts tomorrow, Huzzah! The World Cup is some sort of larger meditation on poverty or east/west relations or diplomacy and/or women’s rights, or maybe it’s just an exotic sport some people play involving the kicking of a ball into a net. Whatever it is, it’s here and we could tell you where [...]
Metro Section: With You, I’m Nothing But A Number
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