Here’s a new “biographical” ad from John McCain, where we learn — get this — that while a bunch of hippie anarcho-pinkist fags like 7-year-old Barack Obama spent five years mud-fucking on the AIDSy grounds of Woodstock in the 1960s, McCain was at a subprime torture hotel in Vietnam. The ad concludes with a number of inspirational messages that will surely drive voters to his corner, such as “John McCain doesn’t always tell us what we hope to hear” and “Don’t hope for a better life.” This rhetoric. We are overcome. [YouTube]

This bumper sticker was recently spotted on Capitol Hill. It’s the latest development in the ongoing “Culture War” of the 1960s, which Americans knew very little about until John McCain recently started attacking Hillary Clinton for having fun.

Sen. Hillary Clinton’s pipe dream to fund a Woodstock museum in Bethel, New York wasn’t her pipe dream after all–it was Sen. Chuck Schumer’s! And now Chuck’s fucking pissed! According to Bob Novak, the idea to fund the project was mostly Schumer’s. Novak reported that Schumer was “seething” over being rejected by the Senate, and at Sen. Clinton for the lack of support and failing to show up on the Senate floor to defend the bill. Schumer denied there was any hard feelings. However, this could open us up to a strange new side of the man. Imagine, Sen. Chuck Schumer: Acid Head! MORE »

Today the New York Times “reviewed” John McCain’s new ad, “Tied Up,” in which Walnuts contrasts Hillary Clinton’s proposed $1 million funding of a Woodstock museum with his experience as a P.O.W. in Vietnam — much like he did in a recent debate. The spot is sure to alarm many of the nation’s 87-year-old mothers, the ones who still refuse to watch Negroes like Sammy Davis Jr. and Little Richard on their television boxes. MORE »

Sen. Hillary Clinton’s dream of using $1 million tax dollars for an upstate New York museum dedicated to Woodstock, the 1969 three-day event of bad acid, shitty sound systems and foul weather, was busted yesterday by evil white guys who never ever smoked pot. Clinton, along Sen. Chuck Schumer, couched the request for funds in a bill for labor and health programs. Obviously, that didn’t work so well. Republicans rejoice! MORE »