Tag: wonkwire

Mitt Romney Fails At Complimenting His Wife

Mitt Romney wants to keep those lady voters -- for whom Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich are such natural fits (gross) -- so here's how he tried to compliment wife Ann at a rally today: She's "the heavyweight champion...

Tagg Romney Reveals Unassailable Proof of His Dad’s Coolness

This is totally what you were expecting, wasn't it?

Corrections: Your Wonkette’s Week In Mistakes

In the story "Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: 'Are You a Moonie?'" we referred to idiot reporter Kerry Picket as him, he, his, etc. We are sorry to report that Kerry Picket is in fact a woman. This...

Wingnuts May Not Believe in Climate Change, But Insurance Companies Sure Do

Ugh, unwashed godless free market-hating ecoterrorist hippie cabal "the insurance industry" is whining about global warming, according to this press release just in from Bernie Sanders' office. Oh just go make out with a bunch of dolphins, brainwashed hippies: Property...

Fox News Innocently Changes ‘Growth’ In Number Of U.S. Mosques To An ‘Explosion’

It just focus grouped better, what.

Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum

Former Pennsylvania (?) Senator Rick Santorum initially rose to prominence when it was discovered that his last name is -- go figure! -- a perfect homonym with "santorum," the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes...

Bristol Palin Has Some Other New TV Show About Stuff

A hot new reality show "chronicling Bristol Palin’s life as a young, single mother living in the spotlight of being Sarah Palin’s daughter" has been picked up on the vagina network, Lifetime! It will be called Bristol Palin:...

Dumb People Not Clever Enough To Choose Smart Candidates

Why do dumb people always vote for terrible candidates? It's because they're dumb! This is according to new scientific studies, according to some website: The research, led by David Dunning, a psychologist at Cornell University, shows that incompetent people are...

Solve Diabetes & the Environment By Playing Dodgeball For Charity In DC

Do you live in the Washington DC metro area and enjoy hipster irony such as "playing dodgeball," on your weekend, when you should really be at home meditating on the emptiness of your life? Well, by all means you...

Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world's women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed...

Nebraskan Who Said Funny Thing About Rick Santorum Will Run For Senate

Former Nebraska Sen. Bob Kerrey has changed his mind and will run for Ben Nelson's Senate seat! He, like Nelson, is an annoying centrist deficit whiner, but (a) at least he's not horrible old Ben Nelson and (b) he...

Todd Palin’s Alleged Prostitute Releasing Exciting Book About Sex With Todd Palin

Somehow, the Wasilla gravy train has finally run out of steam. What else can explain Todd Palin's alleged Wasilla mistress/prostitute not getting a six-figure book deal for her story? America has finally grown tired of Sarah Palin and her...

Join ‘Michigan Mitt’ Romney In This American Singalong (Friday Fun Video)

In honor of vulture capitalist Mitt Romney campaigning in Michigan today, here's James McMurtry singing "We Can't Make It Here." We heard this on the Sirius radio driving around for no reason today, blood for oil, etc. Happy Friday...

Iran’s Stubborn Refusal To Start Building Nukes Hindering Fun War Plans

Here's a typical variation on the same disturbing/hilarious lede that we see every few months, each time rendering satire useless: "Reporting from Washington— As U.S. and Israeli officials talk publicly about the prospect of a military strike against Iran's...

Here’s Some Sex Cartoon of the Devil Boning Rick Santorum Or Something

Those Taiwanese animators are sure having some sexytime fun with Rick Santorum. It is important to wonder if these Taiwanese animators are even American, the way they attack our most precious institutions (Satan, Rick Santorum).

Important Website Now Lets You Turn Dead Mormons Into Gay Dead Mormons

It was very exciting to learn that the young Mitt Romney maybe baptized the sad ghosts of Jewish victims of the Nazi Holocaust, to turn them into followers of Mitt's folk religion. Who knew Mitt ever did anything but...