Tag Archives: wonkette

  Just like your mom never made

Have Some Real Homemade Hamburger Helper That Is Real Good, For Real

Live from Chicagoland, with little time to spare, we are shamelessly helping hamburger make a great meal! This one-skillet dinner is going to mash your comfort button with both thumbs, in about a half-hour. Yes, I am so going there. Read more on Have Some Real Homemade Hamburger Helper That Is Real Good, For Real…
  Drinks Before Dinner & Wine With Dinner & After Dinner Drinks

Come Drink With Yr Wonkette At the Seattle Drinky Thing

Derp Needle Not Included
Hope you Pacific Northwesty Wonkers have your Saturday evening clear, because the Great PNW Wonkette Drinking Tour is on its way to Seattle this weekend. Yr Editrix will be there. Yr Web maven ShyPixel will be there (just look for the orange pixel shyly sitting in the background). Yr Doktor Zoom will be there, and he will have ponies, maybe! Read more on Come Drink With Yr Wonkette At the Seattle Drinky Thing…
  i want to be the girl with the most beer

Seattle Wonkpals, Are You Ready For Your Lovepile?

Seattle, you have been waiting long and you have been waiting hard for a Wonkette Drinky Thing and Lovepile of your very own. You have been waiting long and hard because WE HATE YOU. But considering you are such dedicated Wonkers that you have thrown your own Fauxty Things, and considering also your comrade and our web developer Shypixel lives in Missoula, Montana, which is reasonably close to Seattle, and we wanted to meet him after doing much flirting and sexual harassing in the sexcret wonket chatcave, to which he responded quite positively, we decided to throw you one anyway. (Again, to be clear: this was so we could meet Shypixel, not so we could buy you beer, because of how WE HATE YOU.) Luckily, our date with Shypixel — which has lasted 19 days so far — is still going kind of okay, we guess. Right now we are on an island — a literal island, where we have thrown crab pots at crabs and thrown rocks at the water and thrown our dog at a deer, for murdering — so, you know, whatever. “Date.” Read more on Seattle Wonkpals, Are You Ready For Your Lovepile?…
  if that ain't love then tell me what is

Portland, Oregon, Come Get Your Sloe Gin Fizz, At Your Wonkette Drinky Thing

We don’t think Base Camp Brewing has sloe gin fizzes, but they claim to have a real purty patio, and nice people, and no Pabst. So come on, Portland, and let your Wonket buy you pitchers of beer and platters of fried things, this Saturday, Sept. 20, Base Camp Brewing, 930 SE Oak Street, Portland. Let us call it 6 p.m. to 10ish, because we are one thousand years old. Read more on Portland, Oregon, Come Get Your Sloe Gin Fizz, At Your Wonkette Drinky Thing…
  are you going to san francisco?

We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour

classic wonker
Hey Wonkcats and kittens! A gentle reminder that we will be buying you drinks (or you will be buying us drinks? WHO CAN KNOW?) in San Francisco, this coming Thursday, just six little short days from today! Read more on We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour…
  jerbcreating businesslady entrepreneuring

BREAKING Wonkette Exclusive: As Of Now, Kaili Is In Control Here

Please remain calm
This just in: Kaili Joy Gray has gone MAD with power and promoted herself to executive editor of Wonkette. (Yes, apparently that’s something you can do. Who knew?) Bwahahahahahaha. What does this mean for you, dear readers? Pretty much nothing at all, you probably won’t even notice the difference. We will still be your favorite mommyblog recipe hub with dick jokes. You’re welcome. Read more on BREAKING Wonkette Exclusive: As Of Now, Kaili Is In Control Here…
  important programming announcements

Rise Up Wonkers, Your Nation Needs You

From time to time, we here at the Glorious Wonkette, May It Live Forever, call upon you, the Wonker, to give us shit. Sometimes it is money! (It is always money.) Sometimes it is your expertise, like that time we said “How do we make a website?” and you answered! Once we were drunk and asked for an apartment. Nobody gave us one, which is very stupid. Read more on Rise Up Wonkers, Your Nation Needs You…
  clipbait

Rachel Maddow Quotes ‘Excellent And Profane’ Mommyblog On California Anti-Immigrant Idiots (Video)

You know when you’re a kid and your name is in the paper because you won 2nd place in the Pinewood Derby, and your mom clips it and puts it in a scrapbook and you tell all your friends? That’s how we feel about Rachel Maddow reading a full paragraph — not just a three-word snippet — from a story in Yr little mommyblog, recipe hub and pony meme repository, Wonkette.com. It’s a thrill, like Navin Johnson seeing his name in the new phonebook and just knowing he’s really arrived, he’s somebody now. Read more on Rachel Maddow Quotes ‘Excellent And Profane’ Mommyblog On California Anti-Immigrant Idiots (Video)…
  not afraid to be servicey

How To Cancel Your Wonkette Subscription, And Other Important Answers To Terrible Questions

Today we at Wonkette received a very important question that was very stupidly sent to our tipline, to which we can’t actually reply as it is anonymized, so we figured instead of responding to the asker, which we can’t, we would respond to all of you. That question is, “How do I cancel my subscription?” We’re here to help! Read more on How To Cancel Your Wonkette Subscription, And Other Important Answers To Terrible Questions…
  the way we were

Hey, Remember When Jack Stuef Almost Broke Your Wonkette? Good Times. By Jack Stuef

This website still exists. It’s a political weblog, known for “rounding up” the day’s Internet news pages and offering unique “online-only” points-of-view on the Beltway’s goings-on. Someone should have taken a photo of it and placed it within the text of “Chapter 12: Surfing Out Into the World Wide Web” in the American history file of a child’s Google-branded textbook viewing glasses. And yet it is still being updated, here, in 2014! And thriving! And doing interesting things! It is a strange phenomenon for many reasons, not the least of which is that I sort of almost destroyed it a few years ago, when I regarded a person as he should not be regarded. Rereading today some of the Facebook messages I received around that time was not a pleasant experience. A bunch of people, for a period of about 72 hours or so in 2011, knew me to be a terrible human being, and had some pretty damning evidence in support of this view. Some of them even wished me to be dead! I am not dead at this time. Read more on Hey, Remember When Jack Stuef Almost Broke Your Wonkette? Good Times. By Jack Stuef…
  we're not sure she just turned this in

How Wonkette Helped Vanity Fair’s Juli Weiner Flunk Out Of College Or Something Probably

I fell in love with Wonkette while I was interning at Teen Vogue, one of my 700 college internships and I can remember the post that did it for me. I just spent the last 10 minutes (sixty lifetimes, in blogger years) searching for this article that made me laugh so hard I had to leave my desk: “GENIUS COMMENTER AT MCCAIN STORE NOW.” It’s still funny, even though John McCain died many years ago. A few weeks later, in summer 2008, I wrote Ken an earnest and overwritten e-mailed (proofread no fewer than 800 times by my boyfriend at the time) and asked if he was hiring summer interns. He said, as he remembered in his own anniversary essay, that Team Wonkette was going to the 2008 conventions and I could write the daily morning post while everyone was traveling. You’ll never guess what happened next: I wrote the daily morning post while everyone was traveling. A book deal and pregnancy for Sara and Ken, irrespectively, allowed my internship to morph into an editorship during which I would laugh and laugh about Richard Cohen with Jim Newell in our “Campfire chat” during my classes that would allow laptops. I was in college throughout my tenure at Wonkette and basically ended up selecting classes on the basis of laptop-friendliness. This is, I guess, why I wrote my senior thesis about modern poetry? Actually, I have no idea why I wrote my senior thesis about modern poetry. Read more on How Wonkette Helped Vanity Fair’s Juli Weiner Flunk Out Of College Or Something Probably…
  regrets i've had a few

Snipy’s Halcyon Days At Yr Wonkette Were Far Too Few

Once upon a time, I had a dream. It wasn’t like a Martin Luther King Jr. type get to the mountaintop dream. It was just one of your run-of-the-mill approaching middle age staring into the existential maw and wishing something would pull you back from the precipice things. And lo, there was Wonkette. My beacon, my thousand points of light, my star that led people to Baby Jesus which probably has a special star name but I am too lazy to look. Read more on Snipy’s Halcyon Days At Yr Wonkette Were Far Too Few…
  misty wonker colored memories

Wonkette: The Doktor Zoom Months

So after a whopping year and a half of doing the mommyblog thing, six months of that on a full-time, Rebecca-owns-my-ass basis, I can confidently say that I still feel like Charlie Bucket at the Chocolate Factory. Except that now I also know just how badly the taffy filters can get clogged with Oompa-Loompa hair. But like that nice lady from Delaware, I’m not a witch, I’m YOU. I am more than occasionally gobsmacked that I got elevated from being just one more smartass commenter on this blog to a position where I work twelve hours a day to help bring the funny. It’s really been quite a rush, and just think — it could happen to you someday, too (except it won’t because I will systematically undermine anyone who seeks to usurp me. I memorized the Evil Overlord’s Checklist long ago, muchachos). But with this momentous anniversary upon us, I may ask myself, “Well, how did I get here?” Read more on Wonkette: The Doktor Zoom Months…