Now that 2013 is getting death paneled by that patriarchal sombitch Father Time, all Very Serious Journalists must submit their Best Of StuffTM listicles and reviews so they do not actually have to work on New Year’s Day but can instead nurse their hangovers with some hair of the dog or whatever. While we at […]

We are in DC just in time for Gubmint Shutdown Happy Good Times Fun! Hooray! So we, along with all you federal workers, poured some vodka on our corn flakes and went out for a good time. Let’s see us!

Just kidding, no we didn’t. We saw Dallas from our Aunt Annie’s house, because of how she lives there. And we saw … some of you! We forget who you were, because of how it has now been 127 years since our Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest World Tour And Orgy ended, and we […]

So remember how we said we were NEVER THROWING ANOTHER PARTY AGAIN, EVER, and in fact did you notice that we still have not put up our pictures from our Norman, Dallas, and Austin Wonk Your Face Off Drinky Things and Orgies? They were 17 years ago now, and we are still tired. WELL NOW […]

Hola! Wonkette is pleased to present a Live Chat with Dan Savage, the Patriot who effluviated Rick Santorum’s name so that now he is unGoogleable in Polite Company. Also, he once licked Gary Bauer’s knob! Also too, he is a gay guy who has been helping straight people fumble their way up and down each […]

And you still have OVER FOUR HOURS to buy his book and read at least part of it! That is what we did yesterday — up to Chapter Seven, bitches! — as did Doktor Zoom, when both of us were all HEY, ISN’T THE DAN SAVAGE LIVE CHAT TOMORROW? And then Doktor Zoom thought there […]

Are you a writer what got no job? Then you will not want to read the following, in which we hire ANOTHER person, as it will probably make you want to eat your own liver. And livers are not like hearts or kidneys. A liver is an organ YOU ACTUALLY NEED! Last week, we told […]

Ahem. We have brought it to our own attention that we are whining about a column that is like seven years old. You know what to do with the rest. Hey mommybloggers! Do you ever wonder why more XX-Americans aren’t writing more op-eds in the nation’s “news-papers”? Well, a nice op-ed lady at the Washington […]

Serial SLAPPer Bradlee Dean has taken some time off from making high school girls cry, in order to retain a lawyer to threaten to sue your Wonket! Oh Lucy, what have we done now! Well, obviously we have “defamed” him — which seems to happen to the poor man so very often! — with a […]

There was a hilarious David Carr story in the New York Times that we missed in December, about this one-man website The Wirecutter. According to Carr, “Mr. Lam’s revenue is low, about $50,000 a month, but it’s doubling every quarter, enough to pay his freelancers, invest in the site and keep him in surfboards.” Hahahaha, […]

The GOP Response to the most exciting SOTU evaris real soon! The Tea Party Response to the SOTU is after that! Marco Rubio is giving the official GOP response, and Rand Paul is giving the Tea Party response. Neither is expected to be as entertaining as that one time when Kenneth the NBC Page gave […]

THE TIME IS NOW!!!! THE CHANNEL IS HERE! As a reminder, some person named “Ken Layne” has written a drinking game over at “The Awl,” so please to familiarize yourself with The Rules. (Corn liquor.) Need a livestream? It is here. We will be back shortly; we are watching the empty building in which #Chris#Dorner […]

Hey lazy. Whatcha doin’? Bein’ lazy? Forgetting to buy shit for all the people you love? Well you are in luck, because the post office informs us that if we get them your packages by tomorrow morning, your sorry ass will have presents under your heathen, Jesus-less, responsible-for-Newtown “holiday tree.” (Also, WE WILL EVEN WRAP […]

For real-time information about the #WarOnChristmas, refer to the Wonkette war Twitter. Ex-PFC Wintergreen was cold. So cold. It seemed so easy to just drift off, but there was fucking Minderbinder screaming in his face, hoisting him over his shoulder, getting him the fuck out of there, man. He could only stare at Milo’s lips, […]

PEOPLE! We just heard from your Editrix, who is at her party at Busby’s East! This is at 5364 Wilshire Blvd., in Los Angeles, as if you don’t know. (323) 525-2615 is the phone number. Anyway she is “making new friends” which based on past antics might have wacky consequences. So go join her, for […]