Twas only Monday when we even first met the Liz Monster, Dick Cheney’s spawn-object, and her feared Internet chimera KeepAmericaSafe.com. Well, now it is Wednesday and the Liz Monster must defend herself against a formidable enemy force composed of actual former generals in the US Army who will fight the Liz Monster until she glissades back into the mountains of Hell and stops frightening Earth’s creatures. Really. MORE »

According to several popular children’s ghost stories books, centuries ago Dick Cheney created another in the image of himself. He called it “Liz,” for he liked to draw out the zzzz and allow the vibrations produced by the humans’ language tickle his tongue-organ. According to legend, when little boys and girls don’t listen to their parents, the Liz Monster will emerge from the bowels of hell to waterboard them to death, or until they produce actionable intelligence. WELL: Everyone must have been on their absolute worst behavior lately, as the Liz Monster has materialized to not-torture us all! MORE »