A Wonkette operative writes in with disturbing news of an apparent Stick backlash:

I think there are some who just can’t get on the stick. I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that says: MORE »

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A reader inquires after a pair of items in our Gossip Roundup: MORE »

As many of you know, Wonkette got awkwardly served last weekend by a Su Lin fundamentalist who asserted, with only malice as a guiding principle, that Su Lin was “younger” and “cuter” than Butterstick (”or whatever you’re calling him,” the mailer chirped dismissively) and that the National Zoo was acting as if they “invented baby pandas.”

Clearly, these words could not stand unchallenged, and we’re pleased to report that the good people who bask in the glow of the Stick have responded to these slurs in kind. As one writer puts it: “Butterstick is Godzilla and San Diego is Tokyo. They shall be crushed.”

But we hate to be too flippant about this matter. Remember, we did not seek this panda battle. It was thrust upon us. It is a matter of self-defense, and the only way to defend against Butterstick haters is to take the battle to them. It was thrust upon us, and we love Butterstick, and we need to do whatever it will take to defend him.— DCEIVER

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Only time will tell if our network of Butterstick-based informants builds up a track record that puts Ahmed Chalabi to shame, but we wanted to relate how Butterstick viewing is evolving now that his holiness is taking his message outside. To wit, Dan Rinzel, working the Stick beat while other reporters can only beat their stick, offers insight: MORE »

Has this ever happened to you? You’re standing outside Lauriol Plaza, in the midst of a sixty minute wait for $12 quesadillas, and you’re thinking to yourself, “My life would be perfect and complete if only I could get Wonkette on my handheld wireless device.” Well, American heroes, we’ve got good news for you. MORE »

Our second set of responses to the Wonkette operative survey sparked by the revelation that, in D.C., one drink is enough to get you arrested for drinking and driving comes with a handy clip and save chart (via the Washington Post, click to enlarge). It will help keep you out of jail (maybe) and can serve as guide for how long you’ll need to sit through vapid conversation about the last “Desperate Housewives” episode and moisturizers before he’s drunk and you can fuck him already. As for the survey: Some respondents choose to answer our question about drinking in the District in a free-form style. Just don’t ask them to walk a straight line.

An Easy Trip to DUI [WP]

Responses after the jump.

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We admit it: The District’s insanely strict drinking and driving regs (ooh! ooh! who will call them “Orwellian” first?) really hit us where we live. And drive. And take cabs probably about twice as much as we used to. We wondered if anyone else was feeling the pain of feeling no pain, and queried a not-at-all random group of Wonkette operatives and correspondents on the following questions:

1. Are booze essential to getting through a typical DC party?

2. How *much*booze are essential to getting through a typical DC
party? (please be as specific as possible)

3. Ok, now how do you get home?

Our most compelling response so far?

“No comment. I’d rather put all those painful memories behind me.” – a former active participant in the DC social scene

Selections from first batch of answers after the jump.

NOTE: Our friends appear to be raging lushes. Your mileage may vary. — WONKETTE

RELATED: District Drunk Law Has Quinn Seeing Trouble [Wonkette]

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