Wonkette Fly-Over Correspondent Stephen Martin is at the scene of tonight’s Palin-Biden debate in St. Louis, trying to find out why Dr. Dean is such a dick: “Just ran into Howard Dean in the campus bookstore at Wash U. I got to know the man relatively well four years ago, had dinner with him, the typical Iowa thing with candidates. Well, I figured I’d go say hi to him. Totally blew me off. It’s not like there was a gaggle or anything. He was getting his picture taken with a couple of campus cuties. I was the only “reporter” in the whole place. But his people saw my red ‘media’ tag, and completely ignored me. I was disappointed. MORE »

Secret Wonkette Operative “M” sent us this photograph, which he actually took somewhere in the Eastern Time Zone, of Barack Obama saying something menacing to this poor reporter, who was probably only doing a good journalism thing like asking Obama to prove he was American! (Or maybe it was about economics, who knows.) In other words, let’s have a Caption Contest! UPDATE: We have a wiener! MORE »

Wonkette Operative “Trey” reports live from the action: “Protesters had closed off the intersection at 14th & K, putting police style yellow tape between the stop lights, dancing around with polar bear outfits and shitty music, assaulting random businessmen and drawing chalk graffiti all across the intersection.”

More eyewitness craziness after the jump! MORE »

The Virginia Press Association had its big awards ceremony on Friday night, at the world-famous Watergateside Hotel, which is “separated from the waterfront by an Outback Steakhouse and a Hooters” and is also in Norfolk.

It was a magical night: The Washington Post came in third place (or lower) for (nearly) everything, Dana Milbank was burned in effigy and the Washington Times won top honors.

Read the hilarious report from our Anonymous Wonkette Operative, after the jump.

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Morons on the Dancefloor

The Late Night Shots kids held their Christmas party at The Guards in Georgetown last night. Wonkette was… well, not there, no. We’ll do almost anything for the amusement of our readers, but when we drink with douchebags for the sake of material we like them to be douchebags you guys have heard of.

Thankfully, a Wonkette Operative was there, and she/he even took some pictures. Our op speaks, after the jump.

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Last night, the Washington Redskins held their annual Quarterback Club Player of the Year dinner. One lucky Wonkette Operative was there.

After the jump, George Allen provides a tenuous excuse for us to run this.

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When you live in Washington and spend all day blogging about politics, it’s only a matter of time before it starts to affect your dreams. Once this starts happening, abandon all hope; you’re trapped inside the Beltway. MORE »

operative: if i may go feminazi for a moment…
operative: why do we have to know how condi keeps her goddamn figure?!
wonkette: haha. ’cause it’s SWEEPS MONTH
operative: arguably the most powerful woman in the country and we’re still talking about her WEIGHT
operative: dude, is she gonna be in seventeen next, talking about her period?
wonkette: what’s funny is that we know her workout routine, but not her actual positions on affirmative action, abortion, etc etc
wonkette: ‘08 PRIMARIES FRONT-RUNNER!
operative: her position on abortion is bent at the waist with back straight, neck relaxed, abs tight, delts squeezed… MORE »

WONKETTE OPERATIVE REPORTS: MORE »

Butterstick the ever-lovable panda has already chased away one Wonkette blogger, and I’m about to do the same. A reader writes:

Since you mention that you’re short on Butterstick news, how about printing his horoscope? Here it is, calculated for his exact date, time and place of birth. It seems pretty acurate. Certainly his mother is very proud of him, he inspires children, and he loves to show off to get attention. He has a strong need to learn and gain knowledge, and is enthusiastic in his quest. He is calm and gentle, but assertive and self-confident, and has an wonderfully optimistic approach to life. As he gets older, he may have a tendency to be pushy: “You have difficulty discerning the difference between assertion and aggression, and may be aggressive if twarted.” But overall, a very positive chart.

And I’m thinking, OMG, my two favorite things in the world — panda cults and astrology. But then another reader writes:

Dear Ambitious Heckler, I had just about lost hope there for a minute. Wonkette had surely jumped the shark, in my opinion. However, my anonymous friend, you have saved the day! Thank you for being the only poster that I actually enjoyed this week. Now if you end the day with some Butterstick goodness, we’ll just go ahead and call it perfect.

What can I say — I am a sucker for flattery. Here’s your wish: after the jump, the complete Butterstick astrology forecast. It beats reading more forwarded e-mails urging me to contact my Senators to filibuster the Alito nomination, that’s for sure.

Thanks to all who tipped, tippled, or removed us from their blogroll. The new team will be in Monday — along with regular weekly contributions by the revered Wonkette emeritus — and my expectations are as high as everyone else’s. - AMBITIOUS HECKLER

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Forget about martinis with breakfast. Today we come to you from New York’s East Village, where it’s still last night for some of us. Thanks to some well-timed trips to the restrooms at Lit, it feels more like 2 in the afternoon. Well, we may be strung out, but we can still care about what’s happening in our nation’s capital, where the US Senate is poised to confirm Samuel Alito and undo 60 years’ worth of progress, as the Democrats — hell-bent on displacing the Whigs as the lamest party ever — stammer from the sidelines. Or in the rest of the world, where the smashing success of President Bush’s campaign to bring democracy to the Arab world is now obvious to all. We’ll keep you posted. MORE »