Tag Archives: wonkette geopoliticker

  the dopest healthcare on earth

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: US Will Soon Insure As Many Of Its Citizens As Does Rwanda

Donald Draper, er, Dick Whitman, um, John Boehner! loves to go on the tube with his drunk, tan face, and say that America has the “finest health care system in the world.” Do we really, though, Boehner? Hells naw. We’re not even Rwanda. In Rwanda, 96% of people have health insurance. They have a per-capita income of $550 a year. And they have the most beautiful, gleaming, hospitals in all of central Africa. Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: US Will Soon Insure As Many Of Its Citizens As Does Rwanda…
  another sequel you didn't want to see

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: U.S. Plotting Nostalgic Military Return To Vietnam

When Obama said our military would leave the Middle East and focus on the Pacific Region, he probably wasn’t kidding. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta was in Vietnam the other day laying the groundwork for what will be America’s most important harbor (a fancy deep-water harbor, at that!) when it comes to circling our number one target, China. Cam Ranh Bay sits at a chokepoint for maritime traffic into the South China Sea, and Vietnam is just one domino to the south of the red foe. Setting up a permanent base there would be extremely annoying to China. Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: U.S. Plotting Nostalgic Military Return To Vietnam…
  right this way

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Which Five Bloody Dictators Deserve A Date With The Hague?

International Justice Alert: Charles Taylor was sentenced this week by the Hague to serve 50 years in a British Slammer for his heinous acts that he says were done “with honour.” He’s expected to appeal, but chances are he will finish his life behind bars. As we maintain, the world is becoming increasingly inhospitable to asshole dictators. When Laurent Gbagbo refused to accept defeat in the Cote D’Ivore elections of 2010 and systematically started murdering 3,000 of his rival’s supporters, the International Criminal Court literally sent someone down there to trick him into getting on an airplane, where his surprise arrest warrant was issued. He is currently on trial for crimes against humanity. Here are five people we’d like to see tricked into a one-way ticket to the Netherlands: Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Which Five Bloody Dictators Deserve A Date With The Hague?…
  heart of radness

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: You’ve Come A Lilongwe, Malawi!

Malawi has come a Lilongwe in a short time. Last month, longtime autocrat Bingu wa Mutharika died at the ripe age of 78, leaving, gasp, a vacuum of leadership! Enter Joyce Banda. She’d been deposed from Mutharika’s government, yet Malawi’s Constitution called for her to become President. Next thing you know, she overturned the country’s colonial-era law forbidding homosexuality. Like she’d never even listened to the entire Book of Leviticus on Youtube! Emboldened by Legalizing Gay, Banda went on a roll, repealing broad police powers of search and arrest and the ability of members of Cabinet to shut down newspapers. And there’s an added bonus on top of doing the right thing(s): $$$! Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: You’ve Come A Lilongwe, Malawi!…
  chill baby chill

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Let’s Cold War With The Soviets Over The Arctic Circle!

It’s getting warm again, which means it’s time for for the polar ice caps to start melting, and for glorious Northwest Passages to open up everywhere, and for shipping and extraction and all things industrial to bloom. The boat ride from Shanghai to Hamburg is a lot quicker this way, but I don’t know, shit feels weird. Ironically, we would save millions of tonnes of fuel by using these routes. Maybe even enough tonnes of fuel for the ice to freeze back over! Also and in addition, better hope there’s not a spill up there while they drill baby drill. (Shit would get real.) Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Let’s Cold War With The Soviets Over The Arctic Circle!…
  watch out bush and cheney

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Congrats On Getting Rid Of Your War Criminal, Liberia!

World renowned sicko and former Liberian prez Charles Taylor is the first head of state to be convicted by an international tribunal since the Nuremberg Trials after World War II. (Nah guys, Pinochet was just Spain.) Who says that there’s no such thing as international law? Up next at The Hague is Laurent Gbagbo, the former Côte d’Ivoire president who had his citizens raped and murdered; in addition, an arrest warrant has been issued for President Omar al-Bashir of Sudan, who presides over a little region called Darfur. But like a lot of sub-Saharan Africa, Liberia is looking up! Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, elected in 2005 and again in 2011, is a Nobel Peace Prize winner, a far cry from the cannibal, serial-rapist murderer she took over for. Everyone Loves Her. For the fiscally conservative, she’s a former Citibank VP who inherited a country with $4.9 billion in debt and reduced that to virtually nothing in just a few years. For you liberals, she’s good on gay/lesbian/transgender stuff, on a continent where that’s very hard to be politically (and personally). She even won the highly coveted and prestigious 2011 African Gender Award. But her best move so far has been pushing back against a tire company that’s been fucking her country up since the 1920s. Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Congrats On Getting Rid Of Your War Criminal, Liberia!…
  all-people problems

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Where Will Billionaires Propose To Each Other If The Maldives Are Gone?

Just as the world gets set to add a new nation, an archipelago in the Indian Ocean finds itself up next on the extinction list. The resort owners of the Maldives, alleged financiers of a coup there this February, aren’t the likeliest nexus of evil, but they might be ultimately responsible for killing everyone who doesn’t get Raptured first. The man they overthrew, Mohamed Nasheed, wasn’t just the nation’s first democratically elected president after 30 years spent under a tyrannical dictator. He was the world’s great climate hope, by far the planet’s most impassioned head of state when it came to stopping climate change. He spent a huge amount of time and effort lobbying the world about polluting less, so that there could continue to be some Maldives for ultra-rich people to hang out and propose to each other on. There’s a new movie out about him, if you like movies. Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Where Will Billionaires Propose To Each Other If The Maldives Are Gone?…
  legalize it

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: What We Missed In Cartegena While We Made Our Groupon Twitter Jokes

From the US perspective, the Summit of the Americas was super awkward this past week, and that’s not even counting that Secret Service thing (goodness gracious!). No, it was also awkward because everyone disagreed with us, about everything, ALL WEEKEND LONG. It was like they don’t even think we own the place! Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: What We Missed In Cartegena While We Made Our Groupon Twitter Jokes…
  hugging and learning!

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Everyone Welcome Newest Sort Of Country ‘Azawad’!

You remember Mali, right? That landlocked country in Western Africa? Well the northern two-thirds of it have seceded and Your Wonkette would like to be among the first to officially recognize its sovereignty and open diplomatic relations, as so far, no nation or international body has done so. Welcome, Azawad. We think you’re great. We’d like to put you in our passport sometime. Azawad is here, everybody say hi! Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Everyone Welcome Newest Sort Of Country ‘Azawad’!…