wonkette geopoliticker

Donald Draper, er, Dick Whitman, um, John Boehner! loves to go on the tube with his drunk, tan face, and say that America has the “finest health care system in the world.” Do we really, though, Boehner? Hells naw. We’re not even Rwanda. In Rwanda, 96% of people have health insurance. They have a per-capita […]

When Obama said our military would leave the Middle East and focus on the Pacific Region, he probably wasn’t kidding. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta was in Vietnam the other day laying the groundwork for what will be America’s most important harbor (a fancy deep-water harbor, at that!) when it comes to circling our number […]

International Justice Alert: Charles Taylor was sentenced this week by the Hague to serve 50 years in a British Slammer for his heinous acts that he says were done “with honour.” He’s expected to appeal, but chances are he will finish his life behind bars. As we maintain, the world is becoming increasingly inhospitable to […]

Malawi has come a Lilongwe in a short time. Last month, longtime autocrat Bingu wa Mutharika died at the ripe age of 78, leaving, gasp, a vacuum of leadership! Enter Joyce Banda. She’d been deposed from Mutharika’s government, yet Malawi’s Constitution called for her to become President. Next thing you know, she overturned the country’s […]

It’s getting warm again, which means it’s time for for the polar ice caps to start melting, and for glorious Northwest Passages to open up everywhere, and for shipping and extraction and all things industrial to bloom. The boat ride from Shanghai to Hamburg is a lot quicker this way, but I don’t know, shit […]

World renowned sicko and former Liberian prez Charles Taylor is the first head of state to be convicted by an international tribunal since the Nuremberg Trials after World War II. (Nah guys, Pinochet was just Spain.) Who says that there’s no such thing as international law? Up next at The Hague is Laurent Gbagbo, the […]

Just as the world gets set to add a new nation, an archipelago in the Indian Ocean finds itself up next on the extinction list. The resort owners of the Maldives, alleged financiers of a coup there this February, aren’t the likeliest nexus of evil, but they might be ultimately responsible for killing everyone who […]

From the US perspective, the Summit of the Americas was super awkward this past week, and that’s not even counting that Secret Service thing (goodness gracious!). No, it was also awkward because everyone disagreed with us, about everything, ALL WEEKEND LONG. It was like they don’t even think we own the place!

You remember Mali, right? That landlocked country in Western Africa? Well the northern two-thirds of it have seceded and Your Wonkette would like to be among the first to officially recognize its sovereignty and open diplomatic relations, as so far, no nation or international body has done so. Welcome, Azawad. We think you’re great. We’d […]