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wonkette exclusives

A JOURNEY INTO THE MIND OF WHATS  9:40 am June 18, 2013

EXCLUSIVELY YOURS, James O’Keefe’s 13 Most Delusional Passages From His Uncorrected Memoir Galleys

by Matthew Phelan and Liz Farkas

Today occasions the publication of James O’Keefe’s first foray into longform prose, with his semi-autobiographical fantasy novel Breakthrough: I Did Not Title This After Chapter 6 In Andrew Breitbart’s Memoir! Shut Up! Jesus! Shut the Hell Up! Even though Mary McCue — James’ publicist at Threshold Editions (an embarrassing division of Simon & Shuster) — [...]

NOW THEY WILL HAVE TO DEFUND ACORN AGAIN  3:39 pm March 7, 2013

Wonket Sexclusive: Totally Blameless Crime-Stopper James O’Keefe To Pay $100,000 To ACORN Criminal

by Matthew Phelan and Liz Farkas

James O’Keefe—the blonde bombshell who set the conservative world of hidden-camera YouTube movies ablaze—has just agreed to a $100,000 settlement to calm down the unjustly fired (and weirdly litigious about it) ACORN employee Juan Carlos Vera. According to a copy of the deal, obtained late last night by your wonkettes and viewable after the jump, [...]

THE TREACHERY OF IMAGES  11:30 am June 13, 2012

Breitbarterdammerung: The Final Reckoning

by Doktor Zoom

Communications theorist Howard Rheingold coined the term “smart mobs” to describe the potential for technology to bring people together in empowering, creative ways to do good in the world. Consider if you will the Twitter Revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt, for instance. Or, closer to home, the Great Justice that resulted when a bunch of [...]

WONKETTE INVESTIGATES  1:50 pm June 8, 2012

Hideous $3999.95 Painting of Andrew Breitbart Actually Swiped from Video Game

by Wonkette Jr.

Welcome to a very special guest post by long-time Wonkette reader “Doktor Zoom.” Enjoy! So, you know that painting by David Bugnon of Dead Guy Andrew Breitbart as a Teutonic Knight in Heaven, ready to take on commies, liberal scumbags, and innocent Department of Agriculture employees from beyond the grave? You know, the painting that [...]

WONKETTE ON THE STREET  12:15 pm September 26, 2011

American Media Hates Peaceful Protesters For Not Being Violent Pigs

by Riley Waggaman

Occupy Wall Street has just completed its ninth day — but you wouldn’t know, since America’s glorious free press is too busy covering the Big Stories: “New Ben and Jerry’s flavor in poor taste?” and “Man with broken leg survives 4 days in desert” and “Michele Bachmann goes somewhere, says something”). The anti-American media-fairness group [...]

SARAH PALIN 'LIKES' SARAH PALIN  9:15 am February 22, 2011

Sarah Palin Has Secret ‘Lou Sarah’ Facebook Account To Praise Other Sarah Palin Facebook Account

by Jack Stuef

Sarah Palin has apparently created a second Facebook account with her Gmail address so that this fake “Lou Sarah” person can praise the other Sarah Palin on Facebook. The Gmail address is available for anyone to see in this leaked manuscript about Sarah Palin, and the Facebook page for “Lou Sarah” — Sarah Palin’s middle [...]

THE HILL IS ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF AWFUL KARAOKE  9:40 am October 7, 2010

Bob Schieffer Hosts Insane Karaoke Night For Boozed-Up Media Shills

by Riley Waggaman

Washington’s most depraved Media Elitists gathered together last night for Karaoke in the Capital, which was hosted by Bob Schieffer and also raised money for a Good Cause. Wonkabout Princess Arielle Fleisher and Videographer/Sweaty Yoga Studio Owner Liz Glover dressed up like Delaware Sex Witches and your Riley Waggaman was coerced into donning the attire [...]

SOAR LIKE THE PROUD EAGLE YOU ARE  5:06 pm July 20, 2010

TRAGEDY: Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Has Ended His Bid For U.S. Senate

by Jack Stuef

Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. was supposed to be the FUTURE. Now our paranoid schizophrenic angel has decided to give up on us after failing to make it on the ballot. Pagels called Wonkette, the world’s number-one source for Pagels information (besides that Wisconsin court database) to deliver the bad news. “I’m just letting you know [...]

THE MERRILL HOWARD KALIN SHOW  9:11 am July 15, 2010

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Interview

by Jack Stuef

We all learned a lot about Wisconsin Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and future President Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. last week. And since then, we’ve had the chance to speak with him, for over a half hour. It was an entertaining interview. Did you know that Pagels is well-versed in most of our favorite conservative [...]


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