Tag Archives: wonkette bazaar

  only $7.99!

Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!

Burning with a desire for reconciliation, these panties are.
June 23, 2015, will go down as the day America’s corporate overlords realized products bearing the symbol of the Confederate battle flag, which commemorates a group of traitors no better than those who leave America to fight alongside ISIS, are BAD. This came after two days of wingnut Republican elected officials coming to Jesus on the subject of the traitor flag, we assume because their internal pollsters told them that the numbers of of Americans horrified by the murder of nine black churchgoers far outweighs the tiny cohort of cousin-humping bubbas who think the flag represents the Real America. Read more on Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!…
  TAKE THAT HITLER-Y

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.
Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton’s tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real serious about his candidacy, and people are really liking what he has to say. Some of his events have even been standing-room only! Read more on Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

If The Duggars Love Hobby Lobby So Much, They Should Gay Marry It. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Let's buy pipe cleaners. Kids like pipe cleaners.
Happy Sunday, you scrappy weasels. We hope you had a nice week, enjoying all the gross news yr Wonkette had to report, because all the news was just terrible and gross and bad. We thought we had our fill of kid-touching stories with Josh Duggar, but then Denny Hastert came in and was like ME TOO, I TOUCHED KIDS TOO. ALLEGEDLY. So it’s time to take a look see at the top ten stories of the week, as chosen by you, the wise Wonkers. Read more on If The Duggars Love Hobby Lobby So Much, They Should Gay Marry It. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Give Us Some Money

Now You Will Send Us Moneys For Your Bernie Sanders 2016 T-Shirt. No, NOW.

Oh hey Bernie Sanders, you are a socialist, and you are running for president! We have made you some T-shirts! See, you are like Doc Brown from Back to the Future, but you are not a mad scientist! You are a very sane scientist! You just have funny hair! Read more on Now You Will Send Us Moneys For Your Bernie Sanders 2016 T-Shirt. No, NOW….
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Yep, still gross.
Happy Memorial Day, gentle readers! We usually do the sexy, exciting Top Ten Stories Of The Week post on Sundays, but it is a holiday, which means it is still the weekend, hurray! Now, usually your top ten most favoritest stories cover a range of topics, but this week, SPOILER ALERT, it’s Duggar-Thirty and you’ve got an appointment. By this point, you probably already know that Josh Duggar, adult son of Jim Bob and Michelle, has a history of kid-touching. But there were very many angles to that story, and yr Wonkette explored them all! Read more on No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  Fix yourself a drink and let's gossip!

It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!

Awww the poor thing, get him a benedict immediately.
Good Sunday afternoon, Wonkers! What are you all doing? We are writing this post! Let’s sit together and drink adult beverages while we gossip about all the nice things we wrote this week. Was it all about Rand Paul? MOSTLY! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!…
  Complete with matching blankies for you and your libertarian sex lover

Let’s All Poke Through Rand Paul’s Online Garage Sale And Then Not Buy Anything

Today is the day Rand Paul has been waiting for, when Rand Paul announced that Rand Paul will officially lose the 2016 election! And wouldn’t you know it, he came prepared, for he has many, many nice things for sale, in case you need Rand Paul on your tits, your dick, or your bedroom ceiling, which is where you’ll want to put that fancy eye chart up there! Yours for only $20.16! He did an eye chart, you see, because he pretends to be an ophthalmologist. Read more on Let’s All Poke Through Rand Paul’s Online Garage Sale And Then Not Buy Anything…
  Buy all the things!

Wonkette Black Friday: Buy All The Things You Want, From Home In Your Underwear

You know you want it
Are you still recovering from your Thanksgiving food coma? Are you already worrying about what to give your friends and family for the holidays, but you aren’t one of those people who camped out all night outside Big Box Store to buy the latest iGadgets and Tickle-Me-Whatevers? No problem! We’ve got just the things for you, and you can buy them now, in your underwear, without going anywhere. Read more on Wonkette Black Friday: Buy All The Things You Want, From Home In Your Underwear…
  you guys are much better at this than the caption contests

Hey Please Make Us An Elizabeth Warren And/Or Hillz Clinton Cup Design For Christmas, Okay, Thanks

Wonkers, it is December, and we still are trying to sell you the same old warmed-over crap we have been selling you for over a year. Why? Because our ex-boyfriend/eternal art director Paul did not make us good Elizabeth Warren cups, or Hillz cups, for us to send to the Burmese Coffee Cup Slave Labor Company and then on to you. But many of you are quite gifted with the design, of the things! So you have until, hmmm, anytime today (Friday), to design us a cup of Hillz, or a cup of Professor Schoolmarm, and the winner will get AN ACTUAL PRIZE! (It will be a cup.) Read more on Hey Please Make Us An Elizabeth Warren And/Or Hillz Clinton Cup Design For Christmas, Okay, Thanks…
  shut the fuck cup

Grab Your Wallet, You Are Not Leaving Without Your ‘Shut The F*ck Up Luke Russert’ Coffee Cup

Sorry, Old Handsome Joe, but there is a new kid in town, and he is in desperate need of a cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP. $16.99 plus like a million dollars in shipping and handling (that does not actually cover the whole cost of the shipping and handling, people who are mad at how much we charge for shipping and handling). Thank you for shopping at Wonket Bazaar. We love you. Read more on Grab Your Wallet, You Are Not Leaving Without Your ‘Shut The F*ck Up Luke Russert’ Coffee Cup…
  because che shirts are for poseurs

‘Official’ North Korean Website Offering American-Made Propaganda For The Discerning Hipster

It’s the first Thursday of the month, which means that the lovably kooky nightmare country known as North Korea is threatening to set the whole world on fire again unless we lift sanctions on essential items like heating oil, rice, and Hennessy. Given the repetitive nature of these threats, many in the media are now alternating between rhetorical headlines of “MEH.” and a slew of uncreative Dennis Rodman jokes. However, beneath this well-worn story of international intrigue is an issue of domestic concern. In a time of ridiculously high unemployment here in the US, can American workers afford to lose their livelihoods making t-shirts and other propaganda for the North Korean online store? Read more on ‘Official’ North Korean Website Offering American-Made Propaganda For The Discerning Hipster…
  it's the final countdown

Order Your Wonket Nonsense Tonight If You Want It In Time For XXX-Mas

Hey lazy. Whatcha doin’? Bein’ lazy? Forgetting to buy shit for all the people you love? Well you are in luck, because the post office informs us that if we get them your packages by tomorrow morning, your sorry ass will have presents under your heathen, Jesus-less, responsible-for-Newtown “holiday tree.” (Also, WE WILL EVEN WRAP THEM, oddly and kind of home-madey, in two colors of tissue paper, with ribbon! If you pay us to.) Right. So. Go here. The end. [WonketteBazaar] Read more on Order Your Wonket Nonsense Tonight If You Want It In Time For XXX-Mas…
  give us all your moneys

All Your Christmas Shopping In One Place, Unless You Have To Buy Stuff For Your Stupid Kids

You will have to go elsewhere for your creepy Elmo dolls (in fact, you probably want to just click that Amazon box in the righthand sidebar so that when Amazon forces your local mom and pop store out of business, at least your local mom and pop website gets a cut). We we do not have a single item for your stupid kids. What do we have? Hats, coffee cups, gift wrap, some other stuff, some more other stuff, and scary underwear. Read more on All Your Christmas Shopping In One Place, Unless You Have To Buy Stuff For Your Stupid Kids…
  Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)

An Open Letter To Donald Trump Re: Buy Everything Day At WonketteBazaar.com

Dear Muskrat-Headed Ego-Beast From Hell Mr. Trump, We see that Barry Bamz has not taken you up on your generous offer, and that despite your seditious patriotic efforts to spark a pro-liberty uprising, every indication is that That One is still on track to be inaugurated for a second term in January. So here you are, with $5 million that you know won’t be going to Barry, and that you didn’t even bother to give to victims of SuperStormaGanza Sandy. And here we are, ready to unleash upon U.S. America a veritable maelstrom of merchandise, which, when combined with the frenzied capitalistic excesses of Buy Everything Day, threatens to blanket every city, town, hamlet, and ophelia in the nation with Progressive-oriented tees, coffee mugs, hats, and tote bags. Yes, tote bags, Donald, the sort of bags that people might very well use to tote things. Things that they will want the government to give them, free, because they are Takers. And these amazingly well-crafted and aesthetically-pleasing items all promote things you hate, Donald, spreading the word that the people wearing, drinking out of, or toting things in them are denginerates, and SHEEP flouride drinking FLITH who are bent on pushing their liberal ideas down everyone’s throat and waving correctly-spelled protest signs, too. But you can stop all that, Donald. Your money has a way to shut that whole thing down. Read more on An Open Letter To Donald Trump Re: Buy Everything Day At WonketteBazaar.com…
  we love you you pay our rent

Wonkette T-Shirts Are For Lovers

So we finally have our store up? It is at wonkettebazaar.com? It is still “in beta” as the nerds say, but we think it is ready but you can let us know if anything is totally fucked? Read more on Wonkette T-Shirts Are For Lovers…