Tag Archives: wonk’d

  sweet video prince

VIDEO: Aimless Chris Dodd Disappears Into New York Night

Your editor was fiddling with his phone outside Madison Square Garden on his way to see a depressing Georgetown basket-ball loss last night when he came across a confused, aimless, voter-hated Chris Dodd. Dodd appeared to be holding some kind of large purse and asked a police officer for directions. After looking around a few more times, he left, disappearing into the New York night. Chris Dodd is pretty aimless in general these days; this was just hours after Dodd took his last breath as a U.S. senator and days after he was finally cleared on ethics allegations. What will Dodd do now? Go into antiques (restart Lehman Brothers)? Read more on VIDEO: Aimless Chris Dodd Disappears Into New York Night…
  forget it gibbs its chinatown

Terrorist Robert Gibbs Destroys Child’s LEGO Creation

Today is a rather slow news day. Sure, we could post about Chris Christie and Mike Bloomberg not personally plowing snow out of people’s streets. There’s always a Palin thing. Today: The people of Alaska officially hate her, and the state governor’s office still won’t release her e-mails. But let’s just do an old-fashioned Wonk’d. (Was this supposed to be a play on the teevee show Punk’d? Your editor has no idea.) So here you go, straight and alleged from our tipline: “I just saw Robert Gibbs drop and break his child’s tower of Lego at the National Building Museum.” Read more on Terrorist Robert Gibbs Destroys Child’s LEGO Creation…
  senators should not be allowed outside

BREAKING: Is Chuck Schumer A Hipster? (No, No He Is Not)

No, your eyes do not deceive you: That is in fact a tiny cell phone picture of some nice lady giving Chuck Schumer a “purple nurple.” Would it surprise you to find out that this lady is a faithful Wonkette fan? Probably not! Would it surprise you to find out that she molested New York’s senior senator at some unbearably hip outdoor concert in Williamsburg (the Brooklyn one, not the colonial one) and that Chuck Schumer single-handedly saved that show, only to be met by baffled disdain from New York’s apathetic hipsters? That may in fact be mildly surprising, so read on for the details. Read more on BREAKING: Is Chuck Schumer A Hipster? (No, No He Is Not)…
  ladies and gentlemen ... we got him

Mike Huckabee Finally Located In Airport Line

Wonkette operative “Lydia” send this multimedia message from her cell phone: “I’m in line @ security & noticed this guy from the politics.” Read more on Mike Huckabee Finally Located In Airport Line…
  snow is a metaphor for free trade

Tom Friedman Sees Metro As Metaphor For …

We guess New York Times op-ed satirist Thomas Friedman went so broke with the collapse of his wife’s shopping-center fortune that now he’s forced to ride the Metro like a common poor person who doesn’t even understand how playing golf in China explains the miraculous way KFC and Taco Bell often share the same building in an Arizona mini-mall. The world is … dumb? Yes, dumb. Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Chris” for taking this shocking photograph and sharing it with the entire globalized world community. Read more on Tom Friedman Sees Metro As Metaphor For ……
  wonk'd

Staycation: Famous For DC People Remain In DC, Even In July!

So we did a midsummer slow news day’s Wonk’d yesterday and what do you know, another billion Wonk’d sightings arrived in out Tips Box this morning. It’s like you people can be easily manipulated by suggestion. “Here are some Wonkette readers sending us Wonk’d items … this means you must do the same, reader.” And it works! (Next time we’ll subliminally make you do something vulgar in the Reflecting Pool.) Anyway, enjoy these eyewitness reports of Maria Shriver, Ralph Nader, Rahm Emanuel and Others doing whatever it is they do, in Washington! Read more on Staycation: Famous For DC People Remain In DC, Even In July!…
  emergency wonk'd

George W. Bush Spotted From Shadows, At Baseball Game

Wonkette operative “Miriam H.” sends us this historic photo of our nation’s greatest president, George W. Bush, at a Texas baseball game today, where he threw out the first pitch. He is looking east at Mecca because it is that time of day. This is the closest a Wonkette operative has ever gotten to George W. Bush — THAT WE KNOW OF. Gross. Read more on George W. Bush Spotted From Shadows, At Baseball Game…
  emergency wonk'd

Cut-Nut’s On The Lam!

Wonkette clutch operative “Mark” writes, “I saw Ashley Todd in a Barnes & Noble in Pittsburgh. Her wounds have healed, though she looked a little nervous. She was just drinking a coffee and reading a magazine. I would call her a freeloader for not working at 11 AM on a Tuesday and reading magazines she doesn’t intend to buy, but that’s what I was doing too.” No, “Mark,” we all know that you were there to carve her up with magazine papercuts while being a black person. Read more on Cut-Nut’s On The Lam!…
  emergency wonk'd

Obama Spotted Being A Jerk In D.C., Today!

Wonkette Bitter operative “Carl” brings us a very important EMERGENCY WONK’D today, in which he spots Barack Obama at Eliot Spitzer’s hooker hotel in Washington D.C. Barry, of course, is in town today to vote in favor of the illegal FISA overhaul. But mostly he is just talking on his cell phone and riding in a foreign terrorism-supporting S.U.V. and ignoring “Carl” and his Bitter friends. Read the account, after the jump. Read more on Obama Spotted Being A Jerk In D.C., Today!…
 

Andrew Sullivan Blogs From Subway

Endless Simmer blogger “gansie” sent us this startling image of beloved D.C. pundit Andrew Sullivan blogging at a Subway sandwich shop. Really! (Unless this is the strangest use of Photoshop in History.) The shocking report: “Tuesday 4/29 — 6:30 p.m.: Andrew Sullivan in full blogging mode — at Subway!” It’s the one at 16th and V, if you’re wondering. (When did Subway start doing the fancy Starbucks chairs and low tables?) This should’ve gone in Wonk’d but was simply too wonderful to get lost in a crowd of lesser sightings. Bloggers: They’re just like us! [Endless Simmer] Read more on Andrew Sullivan Blogs From Subway…
 

Wonk’d Spectacular: Joe Wilson, Rob Lowe, Larry Craig, Elizabeth Kucinich … and Wonder Woman!

Whoa, hey, is that a blurry picture of the famous secret diplomat, Joe Wilson? It is! What’s he up to, these days? Well, if you believe our tipster “Sal,” Wilson can be found these days campaigning for Hillary in tiny little towns, so that his wife can remain undercover. Join us for a super special weeks-late Wonk’d with appearances by Jim Webb, Chuck Hagel, Wonder Woman, Wolf Blitzer, Donald and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld, Tom Ridge, Rob Lowe, Andrew Sullivan, Larry Craig and the always fetching Elizabeth Kucinich … after the jump! Read more on Wonk’d Spectacular: Joe Wilson, Rob Lowe, Larry Craig, Elizabeth Kucinich … and Wonder Woman!…
 

Olbermann, Carville, Marty Sheen, Even Dennis & Liz

Hello, people who are suddenly seeing famous-for-D.C. people everywhere in town all of a sudden! We like this, we like it very much. So this week, enjoy the voyeuristic fun of seeing James Carville, George Allen, lovebirds Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich, Keith Olbermann, Martin Sheen and many more, after the jump. Read more on Olbermann, Carville, Marty Sheen, Even Dennis & Liz…
 

Al Franken and Larry Craig, Together At Last!

This week, Al Franken, Mike Shields, and Larry Craig were all spotted being various degrees of “Famous for DC” at various places by our spies and operatives. It is not the Biggest Ever Wonk’d, but you really only get something like that once in a lifetime. Plus, gay Larry Craig! Read more on Al Franken and Larry Craig, Together At Last!…
 

World’s Greatest Wonk’d: Bernanke, Novak, Ridge, Thompson, America’s Mayor & Many More!

A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. Read more on World’s Greatest Wonk’d: Bernanke, Novak, Ridge, Thompson, America’s Mayor & Many More!…
 

World’s Shortest Wonk’d: George Will, Some Fireman

This week, George Will is sure going to be bummed when Borders shuts down for good, and one of you recognized a fireman or something. You people are not really being very good spies and operatives, are you? We realize nobody cares about anything but Barack Obama these days and all the famous-for-D.C. people are either recuperating at home or out on somebody’s campaign trail, but Jesus Christ, how about a few sightings? Read more on World’s Shortest Wonk’d: George Will, Some Fireman…
 

Mike Huckabee Spotted Returning from Secret Island Jaunt

How the hell is Mike Huckabee doing these days? Well, he’s thirsty, and he’s still running for President of Jesus, and to finance both of these things he delivered a paid speech in the Cayman Islands — where the Fat Cats hide their money — this weekend. Wonkette operative “Mikey G.” happened to spot Huckabee at Miami Airport on Sunday, presumably when our heroic candidate was returning from his Island holiday. Huckabee, of course, was very alone, and no one knew who he was. Read more on Mike Huckabee Spotted Returning from Secret Island Jaunt…