Tag Archives: Wondercap

  oily pelicans

Deathstorm Bonnie Killing Florida, Sets Eye on NOLA on Day 95

Deathstorm Bonnie is currently taking its talents to South Beach and raining and blowing really hard but not much else. Bonnie is a disorganized mess cut up by wind shear but that isn’t stopping her from wreaking all kinds of havoc: relief-well drilling and cleanup operations have been suspended until the storm passes. It has, however, been downgraded to a Tropical Depression. You know who else is depressed? All the oily pelicans and flaming turtles. Read more on Deathstorm Bonnie Killing Florida, Sets Eye on NOLA on Day 95… Read more on Deathstorm Bonnie Killing Florida, Sets Eye on NOLA on Day 95…
  oily pelicans

The Deathstorm in the Sea Keeps on Churnin’ On Day 94

After losing strength over what’s left of Haiti, The Deathstorm hit open water, started gobbling steroids, and now has its eye set on breaking Hurricane Katrina’s home run record. The Deathstorm is currently named “III,” or “three” for those of you who aren’t subjects of the Roman Empire. Once it increases in strength and size it will be known as Bonnie. Meanwhile, near the Land of Drug Cartels, another deathstorm is forming, but its current status is illegal until further notice. Admiralissimo Allen has decreed that the Wondercap will remain closed in the event of a major storm. Track the storm with USA Today’s fancy graphic. Read more on The Deathstorm in the Sea Keeps on Churnin’ On Day 94… Read more on The Deathstorm in the Sea Keeps on Churnin’ On Day 94…
  oily pelicans

Tropical Deathstorm Forming, Could Impact Spill, But Not On Day 93

Just when you thought that everything was returning to normal in the Black Gulf (OMG IS THAT RACIST?!? PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME GREAT AND POWERFUL EDITOR KEN LAYNE!!11!! BREITBART CAN HAZ TEH VIDEOS!) there appears to be a tropical death-storm forming in the Caribbean Sea. Presently it has a 60% chance of forming into a tropical death-storm. Where will it go? Just like the cleanup operations, nobody knows — but it will likely crash into Florida or end up stirring shit up in the Gulf. Read more on Tropical Deathstorm Forming, Could Impact Spill, But Not On Day 93… Read more on Tropical Deathstorm Forming, Could Impact Spill, But Not On Day 93…
  oily pelicans

Don’t Worry About the Tiny Bubbles On Day 92

Now that the oil spill/disaster/catastrophe is finally over (?!), BP is looking into another option to seal the well called “static kill” or “bullheading.” Static Kill involves shooting heavy mud and ground-up chunks of Haley Barbour into the well. You can add these methods to “top hat,” “top kill,” and “junk shot” on the list of dirty oil sex maneuvers that you’ve been inspired to try by BP. Read more on Don’t Worry About the Tiny Bubbles On Day 92… Read more on Don’t Worry About the Tiny Bubbles On Day 92…