Tag Archives: women’s health

  doctor heal thyself

Area Woman Still Can’t Stop Thinking About Sandra Fluke’s ‘Totalitarian’ Vagina

You probably remember Sandra Fluke. She’s the nice young lady who testified to Congress about how birth control is sometimes used by people to regulate their polycystic ovary syndrome or whatever, and so Rush Limbaugh went fucking nuts, calling her a slut (for a week) and saying if he was going to pay for her birth control (we guess Rush Limbaugh does not really understand how insurance works?), she had a duty to produce a spank tape for him. It was not Rush Limbaugh’s finest hour. Well, now there is a lady, and she is a licensed clinical psychologist, although — oddly! — her website does not list any of her training or her schooling or her specialties except that she will psychologize your kids, which you should probably hop on, and can testify about forensic clinical psychologist stuff in four states, and those four states really might want to look into that, because this lady, well, she is a treat! She thinks Gloria Steinem is making Illuminati hand signs everywhere, and that Nancy Pelosi is here to murder all the grandbabies (that one is just obvious), and oh, so many thoughts about Sandra Fluke’s “All-American, Totalitarian” vagina. Still. Read more on Area Woman Still Can’t Stop Thinking About Sandra Fluke’s ‘Totalitarian’ Vagina…
  u mad?

I Am Mad About A Thing: Go Big For The Ladies, Democrats, Or GTFO

I’m probably not supposed to say this. I should be a Good Democrat and a Good Feminist and take the latest symbolic crumbs Senate Democrats are offering and say, “Thank you, sir.” (They are mostly sir, of course, which is part of ALL the problems, but let’s not even get into that right now.) Read more on I Am Mad About A Thing: Go Big For The Ladies, Democrats, Or GTFO…
  what's that spell? whore!

A Very Angry Guest Post About Annette Funicello

A guest post from your comrade “Lou Cabron.” And speaking of sluts, three weeks ago pastor Steven Anderson strolled into his Arizona church with proof that “the birth control movement” was promoting whoredom. So the pastor waves around his flimsy print-out, sternly warning the congregation that Annette Funicello is a whore whoring it up with birth control, contributing to whoredom, which “is what birth control does to our society.” Unfortunately, it turned out to be an ad for suntan lotion. Read more on A Very Angry Guest Post About Annette Funicello…
  reproductive rites

Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina

Noted debutante Bristol Palin, who became an unwilling postergirl for chastity and purity and second virginities and whatnot (second virginities are when you only give up the butt), has done posted a “thought” on the MyFace and her dumb religion blog, and honestly, she is probably plumb tuckered out from having it ghostwritten for her. What is echoing around Bristol Palin’s perfectly zen uterus (that is where she keeps her brains) today? Read more on Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina…
  planned perot-hood

Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars

The state of Texas sent a strong message to women last year when it completely dismantled Medicaid funding for women’s healthcare so that Planned Parenthood wouldn’t get any state money — the cuts didn’t defund any abortions, because those were already not funded by state money. But the reasoning seemed to have been that pap smears are like a gateway drug to abortion, so to save babies, women’s health services at Planned Parenthood had to be murrrrrdered. Read more on Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars…
  gtfo

Angelina Jolie Got Her Boobs Chopped Off, Yay Angelina Jolie!

Some years ago, we saw a film that made us want to murder all the people. It was called “In the Family,” and it was about a young lady who has the BRCA gene that killed all her grandmothers and all her mothers and all her aunts with lady cancer. In this film, the young lady, Joanna Rudnick, went around with a camera to interview all the widowers of ladies who had died from the same types of breast and ove cancer. In every segment she was pretty much like “Sorry your wife died. NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT ME! Should I chop my boobs off? What do YOU think about my boobs?” We were not complimentary about this film (review no longer online). We got letters! At least one of which was thoughtful and sober and made us feel sort of bad for screaming at the young lady JESUS CHRIST CHOP YOUR BOOBS OFF ALREADY DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT, IDIOT! And who has listened to us (probably not us, specifically)? One Miss Lady Angelina Jolie. And we could not be happier for her. Read more on Angelina Jolie Got Her Boobs Chopped Off, Yay Angelina Jolie!…
  what's the matter with kansas?

Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women’s God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby

Kansas Republicans are very Reasonable People. How reasonable are they? They stripped out of their superfly abortion bill language that would have barred women who work at abortion providers’ from volunteering at their children’s schools. Like so: [O]ne thing the bill will no longer do? The committee removed a provision that would have banned abortion clinic workers from volunteering in their children’s schools. The measure would have banned such activities as chaperoning field trips, serving as PTA officers and baking cupcakes for school activities. Oh no! How could the Kansas legislature abandon our children and leave them vulnerable and exposed to the possibility of eating cupcakes made by women’s health care providers? Don’t they know how dangerous abortion food can be? ABORTION CUPCAKES Y’ALL. Oh we are so glad we stole Miss Kaili from Daily Kos. But back to the matter at hand! One thing the Kansas abortion bill will still do is ban abortion in the case of rape and incest. And the Republicans in the Kansas legislature are very ANGRY that some dumb Dems tried to add amendments to the bill with just those exemptions, because the Dems were trying to GOTCHA them, by letting ladies abortion their daddy’s babies. Let us listen in, and nod our heads sagely: Read more on Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women’s God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby…
  butt sechs?

Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts

Texas state Senator Donna Campbell isn’t trying to shut down abortion completely, we assume, since that would be unconstitutional. (She is totally trying to shut down abortion completely.) She would just, as a doctor and a woman, prefer it if the great state of Texas require that abortion clinics meet the regulatory standards for surgical centers, which would just happen to shut down all the state’s abortion clinics but five. But she has a super-good reason for this: because men bleed from their butts, and if a man is bleeding from his butt, then in the ER “We have a surgeon on call. But we don’t have a surgeon on call for someone who is hemorrhaging from the uterus.” Dr. Sen. Campbell, y’all! Read more on Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts…
  heads i win tails you lose

Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators

There is some sort of legislative kerfuffle happening in Virginia right now and we are trying to care because the Editrix said we had to! Anonymous aide at the Virginia Legislature, what weird terrible thing is happening with your GOP peoples this week? Apparently the GOP was trying to keep abortion bargains all seeekrit, but it is not working thanks to you, anonymous Democratic aide! Read more on Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators…
  oh good this again

Former Pizza Kingpin Does Not Want To Pay For Your Whore Pills

Tom Monaghan, founder of Domino’s Pizza, terrible baseball team owner, and a guy so Catholic that probably even the Pope thinks he needs to give it a rest, is very upset that this Obamacare thing will allow his employees to make their own health care decisions without his input. So, he’s suing. After all, Tom Monaghan knows what’s best. His decisions to let Kirk Gibson and Jack Morris sign elsewhere really paid off for the Tigers back in the late-1980s. His employees clearly need to rely Monaghan’s wisdom and judgement when making deeply personal medical decisions with their doctors. Read more on Former Pizza Kingpin Does Not Want To Pay For Your Whore Pills…
  welcome to michissippi

‘Right To Work’ Possibly The Least Awful Thing To Happen In Michigan This Week

While everyone was focused on nerd-strongman Rick Snyder and the Council of Conservative Citizens Michigan legislature passing Right to Work with the deliberation normally required to order from the Taco Bell drive-thru, Michigan’s government was busy doing all kinds of other terrible things during their lamest of lame duck sessions. Let’s take a look at some items under consideration as part of Lansing’s plan to turn Michigan into a backwater that makes Saudi Arabia look progressive and Appalachia seem prosperous. Read more on ‘Right To Work’ Possibly The Least Awful Thing To Happen In Michigan This Week…
  how is babby formed?

Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin’s Guide to Legitimate vs. Illegitimate Rape

Missouri Congressman and GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin is a brilliant scientist (with a B.S. in something called “Management Engineering”) and is therefore highly qualified to speak on the intricacies of female anatomy, especially when it comes to the heretofore unknown magic powers of the reproductive system. Did you know, for example, that the uterus is able to determine the difference between “legitimate” and “illegitimate” rape? I bet you didn’t even know there was a difference, unlike Todd Akin, who currently serves on the House of Representatives Science and Technology Committee thanks to his expertise. In science. Not only does your uterus know the difference, but in the case of “legitimate” rape, it will shut down, trapping the the rape-sperm and preventing it from reaching your pure and unspoiled eggs. That means the approximately 32,000 women who become pregnant each year from rape were the victims of illegitimate rape. What’s the difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape? We’ve compiled this helpful guide from what we assume Todd Akin (B.S. in Management Engineering and member of the House Science and Technology Committee, just to recap) believes. Read more on Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin’s Guide to Legitimate vs. Illegitimate Rape…
  like pearl harbor 9/11 and yoshinoya

Actual United States Congressmen: Free Birth Control Sinks Their Battleships

Remember in 1990, when conservatives shrieked and moaned about the threat to religious freedom that was the Supreme Court upholding a ban on Native Americans’ sacramental Tripping Off of the Balls? You don’t? That is because those people were Indians. But today? Today, Aug. 1, 2012, is a Day That Shall Live in Infamy. This is the day that American women, with their slutty whorish terrorism, and Pill-taking even when their employers don’t want them to, became a living atrocity greater than Pearl Harbor or 9/11. Actual sitting United States congressmen said so. They said it with their mouths. In front of people. Are you happy now, womyn? ARE YOU? “I know in your mind you can think of the times America was attacked,” said Rep. Mike Kelly (R-Pa.), a freshman. “One is December 7 — that is Pearl Harbor Day. Another was September 11 — that was the day of the terrorist attack. I want you to remember August 1, 2012 — the attack on our religious freedom. That is a date that will live in infamy, along with those other dates.” Read more on Actual United States Congressmen: Free Birth Control Sinks Their Battleships…
  because Mississippi

Mississippi Continues Valiant Effort to Save Women From Selves

Good news everyone! In spite of the best efforts of Mississippi’s state legislature and its governor, Mississippi’s only abortion clinic is still plugging along and open for business. This means there’s still lots of fun to be had trying to close it! If you have not been following the story of the Little Abortion Clinic That Could, your Wonkette will fill you in on the details. Back in April, the Governor of Mississippi (who you may also remember as co-chairing the state’s personhood ballot measure) recently signed House Bill 1390 which required doctors at the abortion clinic to have admitting privileges to local hospitals. This proved more difficult than one might think, given that the hospitals were disinterested in giving admitting privilege to said doctors since they are flown in from out of state. This would have effectively made abortions illegal in the state of Mississippi, except a Federal court judge temporarily blocked the law.  But don’t worry, throngs of people are still braving temperatures in the 90s to amass outside of the clinic and yell at rape victims and underaged girls in hopes of freeing them of the weight of their own decision-making! Read more on Mississippi Continues Valiant Effort to Save Women From Selves…
  ellen jamesian society founding members

A Children’s Treasury Of Michigan Lawmakers That Ladies Should Not Sex

In response to anti-abortion legislation that Michigan Planned Parenthood calls the “biggest assault on women’s health in our state’s history,” kick-ass state Rep. Rashida Tlaib called on ladies to to go Full Lysistrata to keep this from becoming law. (That is not Rashida Tlaib in the video above; it is Rep. Lisa Brown, being whorish by uttering the shocking swear “vagina” when discussing women’s vaginas. Rep. Brown had to go sit in the naughty corner for the rest of the day.) Tlaib didn’t go far enough, obviously. There are some Arizona Michigan lawmakers who should never, ever again get sexed by a lady because of these bills and so many other reasons. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Michigan Lawmakers That Ladies Should Not Sex…
  all my exes

Obama Steps to Texas, To Be Blamed for Lack of Women’s Clinics in 3 … 2 … 1

Texas has been havin’ itself a little fun this week the way it usually likes to have fun: by dragging Planned Parenthood behind its pickup truck, until it is dead. But whoops, it seems their new law outlawing Texas Medicaid’s Women’s Health Program participation in any women’s clinic that is tied to abortion is against the Law, just like so many other new Texas laws are against the law, because Big Brother! That goldang federal gubmint is always telling the poor old states what they can and cannot do with federal money. HOW IS THAT EVEN FAIR? Read more on Obama Steps to Texas, To Be Blamed for Lack of Women’s Clinics in 3 … 2 … 1…