Tag Archives: women

  Deductible Penis

Sarah Silverman Gets A Peen So She Can Escape The $500,000 Vagina Tax

Peen pointers now available at Office Depot
Here is a video from Sarah Silverman, who has finally figured out how to deal with the wage gap between men and women — just replace her wage-lowering vagina with a value-added penis! And that why she’s off to the surgical center to find a peenor that makes just the right fashion and economic statement (make sure you read the labels on the sample fake peens on the tray): Read more on Sarah Silverman Gets A Peen So She Can Escape The $500,000 Vagina Tax…
  Not Quite As Nuanced As 'The Gong Show'

Dana Loesch Destroys Feminism Forever, With Hilarious Rightwing ‘Comedy’ Video

It's funny 'cause feminists are fat ugly dykes who hate America!
Here’s a thing that exists! Dana Loesch has a teevee show on Glenn Beck’s cable/internet channel, and she does hilarious rightwing comedy on it! Remember how dumb feminist ladies thought that Jeopardy! was a tad sexist when it suggested that women spend all their time dreaming of a new vacuum cleaner? Well, Dana and her crack team of writers (we assume there are writers?) couldn’t wait to mock how dumb feminists are for hating the family and housework and everything that is right with the world, so they made their very own Jeopardy! sketch, with clues like this: Read more on Dana Loesch Destroys Feminism Forever, With Hilarious Rightwing ‘Comedy’ Video…
  Black-ish

GOP Finds Stock Photos To Be Their New Black Friends

Republicans have a race problem, and continue to do everything they can to make it worse. Most recently they launched the thoroughly mockable #ImARepublican campaign, which turns out to suck even harder than Rick Santorum at Iowa’s annual goat-blowing festival: Read more on GOP Finds Stock Photos To Be Their New Black Friends…
  Adding Fabrics And Baking Would Not Help

‘Science’ Center Teaches Boys Rocketry, Girls Makeup. Internet Certain To Be Pleased. (Updated)

UPDATE: Carnegie Science Center has responded; see end of post. You know what kids love? Kids love science! Science is exciting, and it builds critical thinking skills, and it’s actually more than just a little bit fun if you have an engaging teacher and cool things to do! And if you’re a girl in Pittsburgh, you can actually get your Girl Scouts science badge at the one solitary science workshop that the Carnegie Science Center offers, which is available on just one day, which… hey, what’s the freaking deal here, Carnegie Science Center? Looks like you have loads of science workshops for Boy Scouts at different levels of scouting, and one lousy workshop for girls? Read more on ‘Science’ Center Teaches Boys Rocketry, Girls Makeup. Internet Certain To Be Pleased. (Updated)…
  Show Yer Warheads

Veterans Tell Nutsack Eric Bolling What He Can Do With ‘Boobs On The Ground’ Joke

On the sand, at least. Sand is ground, right?
Remember way back at the beginning of the Brand New War, last week, when Greg Gutfield and Eric Bolling had a great big larff over the fact that a lady flew a fighter jet for the United Arab Emirates? Gutfield said that after the lady fighter pilot dropped her bombs, she couldn’t park her plane (Women!), and Bolling asked, “Would that be considered boobs on the ground?” Read more on Veterans Tell Nutsack Eric Bolling What He Can Do With ‘Boobs On The Ground’ Joke…
  Travails With Charlie

Hey Little Missy, There’s Nothing Wrong With Mass. Republican’s Outreach To The Gals

They sure love us
Charlie Baker is already in a pretty difficult race, what with being a Republican trying to become governor of Massachusetts. But popular Gov. Deval Patrick isn’t running this year, and the Democratic candidate is A.G. Martha “Campaign? Why?” Coakley, who didn’t exactly ignite passions in her 2010 bid for the Senate. Charlie Baker really would like to do well with women, who are a rather important demographic; problem is, Coakley holds a 20-point lead among the fairer sex. So last week, at a “Women for Charlie” event, when Baker was asked if NFL commissioner Roger Goodell should be fired for his bungling of the league’s multiple domestic abuse scandals, he bobbled the answer: Read more on Hey Little Missy, There’s Nothing Wrong With Mass. Republican’s Outreach To The Gals…
  Say It Ain't So Joe! OK: It Ain't So

Joe Scarborough And His Intern Give Old Dead (And Maybe Rapey) Sen. Inouye A Pass

They just know some things
Yesterday, we had a sad because The New York Times reported that the late Sen. Daniel K. Inouye was the unnamed senator who grabbed Kirsten Gillibrand’s stomach and warned her not to lose any more weight, because “I like my girls chubby.” But today, we’re much less worried that the deceased senator from Hawaii and WW II hero was the responsible party. Not because any new information has surfaced, but simply because Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski have decided they just don’t believe it, since Daniel Inouye obviously wouldn’t have done that. Thrill as the two MSNBC morning show hosts sift through the evidence: Read more on Joe Scarborough And His Intern Give Old Dead (And Maybe Rapey) Sen. Inouye A Pass…
  Women Get So Emotional About Murder

Why Is Gabby Giffords So Shrill And Emotional About Guns?

Honestly, there has to be some logical explanation of why she's so touchy
We aren’t quite sure we’ve finished throwing up yet in reaction to this Politico piece about that mean bitch Gabby Giffords, who has made some very cruel, unfair ads about the issue of gun control for some reason: Read more on Why Is Gabby Giffords So Shrill And Emotional About Guns?…
  clipbait

John Oliver Goes Deep Inside Miss America (Video)

John Oliver meets Butt Glue
In yet another terrific piece of longform investigative comedy, John Oliver and Last Week Tonight take on the Miss America Pageant, which likes to promote itself as “the World’s Largest Provider of Scholarships for Women.” Obviously, there are two questions here: 1) Is it still 1959? and 2) Really? Miss America provides $45 million of scholarships a year? There’s also the follow-up question of why anyone seeking an academic scholarship needs to know how to keep her swimsuit snug with butt glue. Read more on John Oliver Goes Deep Inside Miss America (Video)…
  Inouye? Way.

Was War Hero Daniel Inouye Also That Secret Sexist Senator? NYT Says Yes!

Look, we know you were always looking for a lei...
The New York Times is pretty sure it’s outed the unidentified senior senator who grabbed Kristen Gillibrand’s waist after she’d lost some weight and chuckled, “Don’t lose too much weight now. I like my girls chubby!” According to “people with knowledge of the incident,” it was the late Daniel K. Inouye, who was a kickass war hero, civil-rights supporter and generally badass liberal in the Senate. And also, apparently, a bit on the harassy side. And no, we’re not going to make a “he was a man of his era” excuse for him, because by the time Gillibrand was elected to the Senate in 2008, Inouye certainly had seen the sexual harassment training film once or twice. Gillibrand’s office wouldn’t comment on whether the senator in the book was Inouye, but we’re going to assume — risky, we know — that the Times got it right. Read more on Was War Hero Daniel Inouye Also That Secret Sexist Senator? NYT Says Yes!…
  Home Is Where The Penis Is

Women Are Just ‘Penis Homes,’ Says Fired Pastor. RNC Job Offer Imminent.

Another mega-church is closing several branches (they have branches? what the fuck?) because of obvious anti-Christian sentiment over a few flippant remarks Pastor Mark Driscoll made that feminazis are taking WAY out of context. Women … amirite? Back us up, all you god-fearing Wonketeers. Seriously, what’s wrong with this: Read more on Women Are Just ‘Penis Homes,’ Says Fired Pastor. RNC Job Offer Imminent….
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Astonished Old Senators Who Look Like Balls Could Be Sexists (Video)

He seems pleased with that graphic
Jon Stewart has found the real scandal in the story of the sexist comments aimed at Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand by unnamed male colleagues in the Senate. One warned her “Don’t get too porky,” while another grabbed her stomach and said “Don’t lose too much weight now, I like my girls chubby.” With no consensus on No Fat Chicks v. Chubby Chasers, Stewart says, Congress is pathetic: “Even when it comes to shitty sexism, the Senate is gridlocked. They can’t get anything done.” Read more on Jon Stewart Astonished Old Senators Who Look Like Balls Could Be Sexists (Video)…
  Bring Back Menstrual Huts Too

Phyllis Schlafly Says Just Get Married, Ladies, And End Rape And Violence Forever

Logically consistent since 1964
Veteran riot provocateur Phyllis Schlafly has a simple solution to two problems at once: If women are so all-fired worried about sexual assault and domestic violence, then they darn well better hurry up and get married instead of pursuing a career, since both rape and domestic abuse are caused by women having jerbs. Now, sure, even married men are still animals, but far less so, since a woman’s touch calms them down a whole lot. Schlafly cleared all this up during her weekly radio program last Thursday: Read more on Phyllis Schlafly Says Just Get Married, Ladies, And End Rape And Violence Forever…
  In Case You Missed it

Your Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Should Have Read While You Were ‘Working’

Also, there are some kickass coupons for Sofas & Quills
We realize that some of you don’t spend every moment of every day clicking on our little mommyblog (what is WRONG with you?). So in our continuous quest to be Moar Servicey, we bring you this weekly roundup our very best pieces, as determined by the number of times they were shared on the FacesBook. And Crom knows that popularity is exactly the same as quality, or haven’t you been paying attention since junior high school? Remember, to get your favorite ranty pieces into next week’s roundup, clicky on that “share” button. Let’s see our top ten for the week. Oh yes, let’s! Read more on Your Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Should Have Read While You Were ‘Working’…
  Equal Pay For Equal Jerks

John Oliver Has Weird Idea That ‘Equal Pay’ Should Mean Men And Women Get Paid The Same (Video)

Not to be confused with Gibson's follow-up, 'Why Are Jews?'
That wacky immigrant John Oliver went on vacation, but he also left behind some videos! On Monday, Last Week Tonight posted this look at gender inequality in the workplace, and in just seven minutes, takes down a lot of the dumb excuses made for it. To the claim that the pay gap between men and women isn’t really 77 cents on the dollar, Oliver offers this simple and effective analogy: “If someone takes a dump on my desk, the size of the dump is not the issue.” Read more on John Oliver Has Weird Idea That ‘Equal Pay’ Should Mean Men And Women Get Paid The Same (Video)…
  Liberte Egalite Aborte

France To Abort Everyone For Free Now, Pretty Much

Something seems a little off here...
France is enacting a new abortion law that seems aimed at reinforcing every possible rightwing American stereotype of that country, except perhaps for surrendering in a war: It amends the country’s current law, which allows abortion only if a pregnant women can prove “distress.” The new law also bans any attempt to restrict women from getting information about abortion services. The National Assembly voted in January to change the law, despite the country’s Roman Catholic majority. The Minister for Women’s Rights, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem, said during debate that “abortion is a right in itself and not something that is allowed subject to conditions.” Read more on France To Abort Everyone For Free Now, Pretty Much…
  Bills 'N' Things

Republicans Will Win All The Lady Votes With Exciting New Strategy: ‘Women Be Shopping’

We bet you're just as embarrassed at being reminded of this as we are for remembering it in the first place
OK, ladies, you’d better be ready, because here comes the 743rd Republican effort to convince you that there’s no “war on women” — instead, there’s a War For Women, and the GOP is totes going to win it because it knows what women REALLY care about. And what women really care about is not all that dull boring ‘bortion and contraceptives stuff, but rather the simple realities of everyday life, which does not revolve around your vagina, for godssakes. Which is why, before giving up on everything except maybe trying to pass an immigration bill that the Senate won’t even look at, House Republicans introduced a package of bills Wednesday to make life better for women. Cathy McMorris Rodgers took some time away from lying about Obamacare to explain why ladies are going to finally see that Republicans are their besties forever: Read more on Republicans Will Win All The Lady Votes With Exciting New Strategy: ‘Women Be Shopping’…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

I Take Birth Control Because I’m A Slutty Slut Who Sluts So Hard. You?

Okay, so, birth control. It’s this, like, medication-type thing, right? Like Advil for your aches and pains. Or aspirin so you don’t stroke out or have a heart attack. Or Flintstones vitamins so you grow up big and strong enough to turn a dinosaur into a car. Or Viagra so when you and your bros jet off to the Dominican Republic to bang some prostitutes, your floppy flaccid dick actually gets hard, but of course you have the prescription filled in someone else’s name because HELLO, when it comes to sex pills, you are all, like, I want “to PROTECT MY PRIVACY, given the potential embarrassing nature of Viagra.” Understandable, of course, because when you’re popping sex pills, it’s sort of no one’s business, right, RUSH LIMBAUGH? (Yes, that was an actual quote from the actual Rush Limbaugh. Feel free to mock that FOREVER.) Anyway, birth control is pretty much like that. It is a medication type thing that some women (basically all women, like 99 percent of them) use in a medication type way for medical type reasons, such as, for example, endometriosis, which is extremely painful and can be treated with birth control. Such as also for example not wanting to grow a baby inside your body, which can be avoided with birth control. Such as also too for example you are getting married and then going on a fabulous two-week honeymoon to a five-star hotel on the beach, and you do NOT want to be a crampy, bloody, bloated bridezilla, so you’d like to skip it altogether please, which is possible with birth control. Stuff like that. How. EVER. Read more on I Take Birth Control Because I’m A Slutty Slut Who Sluts So Hard. You?…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!

Don’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot. Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand years ago or whenever the first wave of feminism started, who knows, history is a man thing, and I don’t like to crowd my lady brain space with man things because I’m a lady, goddamnit, I’d much rather let men keep track of that stuff so I can focus on SHOOOOOOOOES. But look. We get to vote. We’ve been able to have credit in our very own lady names for a whole 40 years. We have the right to go to doctors (sometimes) and receive Jesus-approved health care (sometimes), and all we have to do is listen to some sidewalk counseling about how we are murdering babies like the baby-murdering whores we are, which is TOTALLY not a big deal at all, so long as those sidewalk counselors don’t try to kill us or our doctors, but hey, if we didn’t want to be killed, we wouldn’t be there in the first place, and you know how freedom isn’t free so it is definitely totally not a big deal at all. Fortunately, for the stupid feminists out there who just do not get why feminism is bad, there is a hot new trend on the internets of ladies fighting against ladies who fight for ladies. Let’s call them the Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary — or Lamers for short. Read more on Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!…