Tag Archives: women

  The Gun Is Good. The Penis Is Better

Florida Pastor Has A Penis, Like Adam, Moses, Jesus, And All Real Leaders

Male supremacy: An idea whose time may at last be here
Meet Pastor Bill Lytell of the Gospel Baptist Church in Bonita Springs, Florida. He’s got a pretty fab new insight into how God wants things to work: Men should always be the boss of ladies, and not ever the other way around, because of God’s mighty penis and the hefty testicles of Adam, Moses, and Jesus (make no mistake though, they all lived at different times, and therefore their weighty mansacks never touched, so no homo). Read more on Florida Pastor Has A Penis, Like Adam, Moses, Jesus, And All Real Leaders…
  Next She'll Say Poverty Causes Crime Or Something

Crazy CA Rep. Barbara Lee: Global Warming Will Turn Womenfolk Into Common Whores

What a nut!
So you know how from time to time we have a good laugh at the logic of wingnut politicians and preachers who claim a causal link between two obviously disparate things, like “taking prayer out of the schools led to Sandy Hook” or “Gays, abortion, and the ACLU caused 9/11″ — that sort of thing? Well, thank goodness, now the rightwing has an example of a completely insane causal connection being predicted by a Democrat, so we suppose we’d better shut up! You see, California Rep. Barbara Lee has this crazy idea that global warming will turn women into prostitutes! Read more on Crazy CA Rep. Barbara Lee: Global Warming Will Turn Womenfolk Into Common Whores…
  Fertility Writes

Hero Science Man Matt Walsh: Feminists Hate Women, Because Slut Pills Kill

Lyra, you doofus. Bon Bon's a girl... you don't even need those, silly pony...
Matt Walsh, a dingus who writes for Glenn Beck’s Flaming Internet Hole, presents a science-based case against The Pill, which he has discovered is really, really bad for women, because SCIENCE. For one thing, he read a genuine medical study that found “women who took chemical birth control at any point in their lives show a 50 percent higher likelihood of developing a certain type of brain tumor.” That’s scary! Also it means that The Pill lets men have consequence-free sex, while women will all die of diseased brains! Read more on Hero Science Man Matt Walsh: Feminists Hate Women, Because Slut Pills Kill…
  A News Corpse Publication

Classy Australian Obituary Calls ‘Thorn Birds’ Author Fat, Ugly, National Treasure

Hot priest sex!
So here’s a tip for obituary writers: If you’re writing a big piece on one of your country’s most famous writers, and it’s going to run under the headline “A TRUE NATIONAL TREASURE,” you just might not want to lead off your remembrance by calling said author a plain-looking fatty: Read more on Classy Australian Obituary Calls ‘Thorn Birds’ Author Fat, Ugly, National Treasure…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Alas, We Have Offended A Sensitive Soul (Or Men’s Rights Activist, Same Difference)

To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You'd just replace it with Comic Sans.
Your Wonkette isn’t perfect, lord only knows, and when we err, we seek to make amends. Which brings us to this very important message from our comments queue, from “jrayhawk” (please, no Ray Jay Johnson jokes), who felt that we treated the subject of a recent story quite shabbily. Friday, we ran a story about several important developments in gender relations, including the sad tale of Scott Aaronson, a professor at MIT who has pretty much had it with how feminists have criminalized every last aspect of male sexuality. Jrayhawk felt that we failed to give Aaronson an even break because we sided with the mean women instead of with their victim: Read more on Deleted Comments: Alas, We Have Offended A Sensitive Soul (Or Men’s Rights Activist, Same Difference)…
  99 Problems And A patriarchy Ain't One

How Are The Feminists Keeping Men From Getting Laid Today?

Guess he taught that cuni a lesson.
Nothing like kicking off 2015 with a few stories about how bad men have it in today’s modern feminist-dominated world, where men are on the verge of being ruined by all these radical feminists running loose and running everything, but still not doing sex to the Men’s Rights Activists for some reason. Read more on How Are The Feminists Keeping Men From Getting Laid Today?…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  Sudo Stop Being Sexist

Women In Tech: When Will They Shut Up And Be Men?

Oh jeeze that book. Did we even?
Women in technology continued to be a big problem this week, insisting that somehow the fact that they are women was even noteworthy, AS IF. Let’s start with the genuinely horrible and end with the slightly less horrible, shall we? Read more on Women In Tech: When Will They Shut Up And Be Men?…
  Ira We Hardly Knew Ye

Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits

Goodnight Sweet Dunce
Just after we proclaimed him our favorite new wingnut and looked forward to a 2015 full of brilliantly idiotic quotes and policy positions, Nevada state assemblyman Ira Hansen has announced that he will not become Speaker of the Nevada House of Representatives after all. Read more on Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits…
  The Far Right Stuff

Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut

Listen: Nevada Republicans are not interested in your “bipartisanship” or your “getting along” or your “logic and facts.” As soon as they took over the state House, they chose as their new Speaker one Ira Hansen, a gentleman who, according to the Reno News & Review, “doesn’t like blacks, gays, Israel, many Republicans, and most Nevadans[.]” Mr. Hansen got a brief mention in Yr Wonkette earlier this year when he explained that the reason Republicans don’t do so well with younger voters is that the GOP needs to be more firmly conservative on traditional marriage, to catch the wave of anti-gay sentiment among young folks. Read more on Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Science Man Wears Tacky Sexist Shirt, Twitter Has Thoughts

The politically correct war on dorks continues
Welcome to Derp Update, your occasional feature where we purge our browsers of stories that didn’t quite merit a whole post, but were too remarkably stupid to ignore altogether. Fear that your brain cells may be harmed by exposure to toxic weirdness? Dilute! Dilute! Read more on Derp Roundup: Science Man Wears Tacky Sexist Shirt, Twitter Has Thoughts…
  Texas To Women: Drop Dead

Wendy Davis Loses In Texas Despite Apparent Membership In Wu Tang Clan

It's still a great shirt
Wendy Davis attended an election-day event wearing a T-shirt based on the Wu-Tang Clan logo, but the power of the Killa Bees (plus, OK, a pretty lame campaign organization) was not enough to prevail for the newfound hero of Texas women. The next governor of Texas will be Greg Abbott, who will continue the state’s legacy of keeping women in line and not letting the wrong people vote. Read more on Wendy Davis Loses In Texas Despite Apparent Membership In Wu Tang Clan…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Does Science To Rightwing Myths About IUDs (Video)

O'Douls? Possibly the cruellest cut of the whole bit.
Rachel Maddow took a trip to the Man Cave (or the green screen version of one) Wednesday night to debunk a deeply held article of faith about one form of birth control that could be outlawed if Colorado passes its third try at a “personhood amendment.” Abortion opponents also want to ban a whole bunch of contraceptives, and they say that intrauterine devices(IUDs) have to go because they’re abortifacients. They aren’t, but the notion is also near and dear to the heart of Colorado Republican gubernatorial candidate Bob Beauprez. So why the trip to the mancave? Turns out, guys, the IUD is just hell on sperms, as a doctor lady from the University of Colorado Hospital explains in this video. So no, a lady with an IUD in her innards is not a walking abortionplex. Read more on Rachel Maddow Does Science To Rightwing Myths About IUDs (Video)…
  Please Run For President!

We Found You That Double Supersecret Video Of John Kasich Being An Asshat

I can't hear you, I can't hear you, la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Yesterday we brought you the odd story of the Disappearing John Kasich Video, in which we learned that the Cleveland Plain Dealer’s corporate overlords, Northeast Ohio Media Group, (call ’em “NEOMG,” because “Ni! OMG!” is fun to say) had removed a video of its editorial board meeting with Ohio gubernatorial candidates for an endorsement interview. Read more on We Found You That Double Supersecret Video Of John Kasich Being An Asshat…
  Just Look At All The Puppies He *Didn't* Kick

Only 2000 Women Sued Georgia GOP Senate Candidate For Discrimination. Seems Low.

Michelle Nunn has a pretty good 'You gotta be freakin kidding me' face
David Perdue would really like to be Georgia’s next U.S. Senator, but it seems he has a few problems with the ladies, as in he is polling really badly with them, compared to opponent Michelle Nunn. For a state with no Democrats in statewide offices, Georgia is very, very close to sending Nunn to the Senate, and Perdue didn’t exactly close the gender gap with his performance in Sunday’s debate with Nunn. You see, while Perdue was CEO of discount chain store Dollar General, the company was sued for discrimination by a couple thousand women who worked in management positions at the company. But come on, said Perdue at the debate, that’s all in the past, and besides, is “2000” really that many women suing for discrimination? Heck, just think of all the employees who weren’t managers or women, or women managers that didn’t sue! Read more on Only 2000 Women Sued Georgia GOP Senate Candidate For Discrimination. Seems Low….
  Protip: Miami University Is Nowhere Near The Beach

George Will Discovers New Rape Category

Lucky duckies
George Will advanced the frontiers of Republican classifications of rape during a Wednesday appearance at Miami University, finding a whole new kind of rape that can be added to Legitimate Rape, God Gave You the Precious Gift of a Baby Rape, and Forcible Rape. Read more on George Will Discovers New Rape Category…
  Gag Me With A Ballot

Fox News: Young Women Should Go Find Sexxytimes Online And Leave Democracy To Grownups

If it keeps the terrorists from winning, it's still civic-minded.
Fox News hostroid Kimberly Guilfoyle said Tuesday that America would be a far better place if young women would just please stay home and go do their Twittergrams and Tindermatches instead of cluttering up our elections with all their stupidness. She urged the frivolous young things to avoid voting in this year’s midterms and to only return to the polls when they have the maturity to vote like a respectable married lady, preferably one with a good Republican cloth coat and a little dog named Checkers. Read more on Fox News: Young Women Should Go Find Sexxytimes Online And Leave Democracy To Grownups…
  As Always The Voice Of Reason

Bill O’Reilly Wishes You Chicks Would Stop Being Such Girls

Must be 'that time of the month'
Americans are scared, and they feel like things are completely out of control, and Bill O’Reilly is ON IT. You see, this Politico poll found that, in the most contested states in the upcoming midterms, 2/3 of voters said America “has lost control of its major challenges.” Huh. So people being bombarded nonstop with campaign ads about ISIS and Ebola feel like the nation is losing its grip? Can’t imagine why. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Wishes You Chicks Would Stop Being Such Girls…
  Pregnant Is The New Black

Texas Wants In On This Pregnancy Crimes Game, Too

Invasion of the babby-snatchers
Looks like we have a trend story here! A few days ago we brought you the story of Alabama Supreme Court Judge Tom Parker, who’s working to end ‘bortion forever by building a whole bunch of cases that treat fetuses as persons — often in criminal prosecutions of pregnant women who are caught using drugs, even though laws they’re prosecuted under don’t specify that they apply to zygotes. Read more on Texas Wants In On This Pregnancy Crimes Game, Too…
  Fetal Attraction

Alabama Wingnut Judge Will Save All The Fetuses With Legal Magic

Ia! Ia! Cthulhi Ftetus!
Alabama Supreme Court Justice Tom Parker is one of the great legal minds of the “pro-life” movement, whose mission in life is to legally transmute all fertilized eggs into human beings so that abortion will go away forever, and sluts will just have to deal with the consequences of their sluttery like God wants them to. Read more on Alabama Wingnut Judge Will Save All The Fetuses With Legal Magic…
  Rock The Vag Vote

Kristen Schaal: ‘We Gave Obama Our Hearts, And All We Got In Return Was This Free Birth Control!’ (Video)

Let it out, girl! We've all been there!
The Daily Show’s Senior Lady Correspondent Kristen Schaal is awfully impressed with the latest trend in Republican outreach to women: Ads that treat voting like being in a relationship. This is not sexist, because Lena Dunham started it, and she is an admitted woman. You won’t want to miss her explanation of how one big chunk of lady brains are devoted to thinking about relationships, and one other big chunk is devoted to bitchiness. It’s funny because it’s true! Also, women have had it with Barry Bamz, because “we gave Obama our hearts, and all we got in return was this free birth control!” Read more on Kristen Schaal: ‘We Gave Obama Our Hearts, And All We Got In Return Was This Free Birth Control!’ (Video)…
  Deductible Penis

Sarah Silverman Gets A Peen So She Can Escape The $500,000 Vagina Tax

Peen pointers now available at Office Depot
Here is a video from Sarah Silverman, who has finally figured out how to deal with the wage gap between men and women — just replace her wage-lowering vagina with a value-added penis! And that why she’s off to the surgical center to find a peenor that makes just the right fashion and economic statement (make sure you read the labels on the sample fake peens on the tray): Read more on Sarah Silverman Gets A Peen So She Can Escape The $500,000 Vagina Tax…