“Alright, uh, there she is, Jessica Yellin, I know you’re in Chicago but we’ve uhhh done something, a hologram. We beamed you in. We beamed you in, here, uhh into the CNN Election Center. I want to talk to you as I would normally be talking to you if you were really face-to-face with me. I know you’re uhh at least a thousand miles away, but it looks like you’re right here. …You’re a hologram now, Jessica.” [YouTube]

If you were watching CNN around 7:15 ET then you saw this frightening hologram beast named “Jessica Yellin” appear from the planet Saturn to talk about, uh, Obama and the elections. So… who the hell greenlit this? BILL BENNETT? [Philadelphia Examiner]

Time flies when you’re getting jabbered at by a lightly furred ballsack! Wolf Blitzer has apparently been hosting CNN’s Late Edition for ten wonderful years, and this Sunday America will get to enjoy two whole hours of decadent Blitzerian retrospectives. Relive Wolf’s proudest Journalistic Moments, after the jump. MORE »

Sure, Hillary Clinton always refuses to discuss hypotheticals. But what if, hypothetically speaking, she were to kiss Barack Obama in the French style onstage during a debate, in front of Wolf Blitzer and millions of television viewers? Would that be awesome, or the opposite of awesome? Fortunately, Video Science has the answer!

This brought to you by CamPain 2008, creator of the stunning Barack OBollywood video.

Obama and Hillary Caught Kissing! [YouTube]

Even though it was the 800th debate in the last 24 hours, and it overlapped with the premiere of Lost, the Hollywood Liberals Debate last night “drew 8,324,000 million total viewers, making it the most-watched primary debate in cable news history, and the second-most watched on TV this election cycle (ABC’s Democratic debate on Jan. 5 drew 9,360,000).” John Edwards was not one of these 8.3 million people tuning in, as it was his first night shift back at his old employer, The Mill. [TV Newser]

*WHY TRUST THEM WITH ANYTHING:* CNN was so terrible at hosting the last two debates that… they’ve put two more on the schedule — in Ohio. Assuming the nominations haven’t been locked up (please lock them, all of you!), they’ll host a debate for each party on February 27 or 28. It is still unclear whether these debates will overlap with the first debates of the 2012 primary season. [TV Decoder]

Time for a good old-fashioned Iowa Live Blog, made of butter. Huckabee is the GOP winner, Romney’s paying a heavy price for believing in the Wrong Jesus and also being a creepy guy, Ron Paul has totally been set up, and we can’t remember who is or isn’t supposed to win the for the Dems. Elizabeth Kucinich, right? Our nation’s first hippie Englishwoman! A redhead really can be president, maybe. MORE »

CNN will partner with the Los Angeles Times and Politico to put on the last two debates of the primary season — Republicans on Jan. 30 and Demrats on Jan. 31 in LA, right before Super Tubersday. So if giving CNN yet another chance to screw up major debates is the first mistake, then allowing Wolf Blitzer to moderate one of them (Anderson Cooper the other, meh) is the second, third and fourth mistakes. It’s also interesting that CNN would partner with the LA Times, which called them the “Corrupt News Network” over the weekend. MORE »

Macaca and The Beard had a chat on CNN yesterday about Fred Thompson and the election. (Jesus, that was five of Wonkette’s least favorite people/things in the same sentence)! Anyway, The Beard also asked Macaca what he thinks about the Internet, which virally obliterated his political career last fall (ah, sweet memories). Macaca loves it though! And he loves the Guttenberg press! No love, however, for 18th-century pamphleteering, which was easily the peak of socially aware douchebag dissemination.

Hour two of the YouTube Debate continues here, from here. More videos, more videos now, we want more videos, blah blah Paultards. MORE »

Why are you reading this? Why? Do you think my liveblogging, or anyone else’s, can possibly bring more funny than Republicans being asked dumbshit questions by inanimate objects — and then responding to them?? Just get out of here. Shimmy on now! My role is futile; I am a pawn among the divine, celestial humor forces that aligned to make this dream-debate a reality.

Joking! I will haz funny! I’ll make at least a billion zillion anal sex jokes!! Oh now you’ll stay? Eh, works for me. Start sharing drinking game suggestions right about… now. MORE »