Wolf Blitzer

Saturday Night Live has a pretty creative take on CNN’s constant, terrible coverage of the missing Malaysian airliner: What if CNN made a pregnancy test? You’d get constant updates, but no real information. It’s a cute fake ad, even if it’s no Happy Fun Ball, but it might have been funnier if instead of the […]

Jon Stewart and the Daily Show returned from vacation last night, and not a moment too soon, because we really needed Stewart to mock the unrelenting wall of nonsense that is CNN’s coverage of the missing plane. And oh, mock he did. He reminded us that things started out in a relatively sober non-ridiculous fashion, […]

Things are scary out there, you guys. Obamacare has racked up another victim! And this one isn’t just some simple simpleton weeping about losing her insurance that only pays the first $50 for those rare services it actually decides to cover. This is one of our nation’s finest, a leader among men and women, a […]

Beastie Boys’ “Fight for your Right” is blasting from @wolfblitzercnn‘s office right now! #MCA — Eric Weisbrod (@EricWeisbrod) May 4, 2012 Everyone is so sad about the death of the Beastie Boys’ Adam “MCA” Yauch from cancer today, just everyone. Wolf Blitzer is playing that song. Wolf Blitzer is playing the Beastie Boys, in his […]

Hi. Tonight we are reminded that this country has 50 states and even some territories, and each must have her chance to say, “Ahem” regarding positions of power. It’s time for us to tune in to Mississippi and Alabama (and later, after this Wonkette has gone to bed at 8PM PST or so, Hawaii) and […]

Your Wonkette woke up at 3 a.m. this morning and has been refreshing CNN’s Situation Room blog every 9 seconds without interruption since, longing for that glorious moment of release when the page would load and there, sitting atop the earlier, lesser posts, would be a fresh new entry to BLITZER’S BLOG offering Wolf Blitzer’s […]

Are you confused about how last night’s Republican debate “will play” with the voters of Arizona and Michigan? Or what about politics in general: Are you confused about what politics is? Your Wonkette had no idea about any of these things — all these years we’ve just been liveblogging SportsCenter for each post — until […]

Last night’s redundantly-named Tea Party Republican debate was many creepy things, but high among the list of bizarre and disturbing moments was a question Wolf Blitzer put to Ron Paul asking if a gravely ill man without health insurance should be allowed to die. Because, surely — oh, no, wait, hold on there, the audience has some […]

Tune in tonight as we liveblog, against our will, CNN’s very own amateur porn hour GOP debate edition of Wolf Blitzer trying to cop a feel off deranged hair monster Rick Perry! 8PM ET! Herman Cain will also sex 9/11, Michele Bachmann will sex the corpse of her own campaign, Rick Santorum will sex himself, Mitt […]

Scheming frenemy Hillary Clinton tells the CNN people that she won’t be Obama’s secretary of state in his next term, assuming he wins, so this frees him up to nominate Sarah Palin or George Will or somebody. Really, Hillary’s jumping off the rat-ship … that’s what she told Wolf Blitzer, anyway. She’s a Clinton, so […]

New developments indeed. When did this happen? [Weigel]

Have you been waiting up all day and night for Washington firebrand Wolf Blitzer’s take on the whole Shirley Sherrod bogus wingnut video White House embarrassment outrage scandal thing, on Wolf Blitzer’s Twitter? Here, America. Now heal. [Wolf Blitzer's Twitter]

Here is Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live Guest Hosted By Paul Begala, For Some Reason, celebrating his 20 years of terrible service to America’s most mediocre cable channel! As is traditional in Ted Turner’s empire of depravity, Blitzer was rewarded for his service with an on-air sex act with the furry of his choice.

Wolf himself only needed to watch the first ~90 seconds of it, by which time he’d… you know… finished. [Twitter via Atrios]

You may have seen this already, but goodness gracious, marijuana is the devil’s weed and no one on CNN (or Barney Frank) has ever spent a nickel on it! This is very similar to how Washington pundits condemn anyone for ever having sex — including David Letterman, and he’s in New York City! — unless […]