Tag: Wolf Blitzer

Dear Media: HI! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Thanks a lot, media, for literally helping turn the world's greatest democracy over to a fucking tyrant.
These are not the KKKinder and Gentler Hello KKKitties

Mike Pence ‘Denounces’ David Duke But Can’t Say He’s ‘Deplorable,’ Since That’s A Hillary Word

Mike Pence certainly condemns David Duke, but he's not about to LABEL him.

Melania Trump Isn’t A Plagiarist, She’s a Brony, Says Utterly Shameless RNC Dude

The defenses of Melania Trump's plagiarism are beginning to get a little silly. Imagine that!
Who needs facts when you've got charm?

Donald Trump Not Prepping For Debates, Will Just Be Himself. Clinton Campaign OK With That

Donald Trump is going to be incredibly ready for his debates with Hillary Clinton, although he hasn't started preparing for them yet. September is FOREVER away.
He'll never be president, but he will be declared God of Narcissism

Donald Trump Doesn’t See Why Death Threats To Terrible Journalist Are Such A Big Deal

You'll be glad to know that Donald Trump has finally taken a firm position on the death threats and ugly anti-Semitic images sent to Julia Ioffe, the journalist who wrote a profile of Melania Trump in GQ. Unfortunately, that...

Barack Obama Kills Final White House Correspondents’ Dinner To Death, In Style

Just in case you missed it, here's Your President Barack Barry Hussein Bamz Obama in his eighth and final appearance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and after doing this seven previous times, he has this stuff down. It's...

Wolf Blitzer’s Favorite Prince Songs, Ranked

We all need something to smile about after today's sucky terrible horrible no good very bad news that Prince has gone to join David Bowie in the beglittered, gender-bending celestial choir where the bathrooms are open to everyone and...

BERNIE AND HILLARY AGREE LOUDLY AT EACH OTHER FOR TWO SHOUTY HOURS!

Oh goodness and BREAKING NEWS and whoop-de-doo, there was another Democratic debate Thursday night. It was riveting. (LIES!) No for real it was great. (YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.) Well they yelled at each other a lot, at least! Here...

Let’s Drink Ourselves To Death ‘Leaving Las Vegas’-Styley For The Final Democratic Debate Liveblog!

Hey there, fella. What's your poison? Oh, actual poison? US TOO! We have been having sadz all over the place because Hillz is being mean to Bernard, and Bernard is no longer running around with all the creatures of...
Thanks, Bern. I'll Snapchat you later

Hillary And Bernie About To Do Fisticuffs One More Time, Please God Let This Be The Last Time

WHOA HEY it's been a minute since we've had one of these debate-styley things! But things have been getting super UGLY in the Democratic race, so they need to do this again, obviously. Bernie was like "I CHALLENGE YOU...
Senator James Risch (R-Idaho, maybe)

Idaho ‘Senator’ Jim Risch Guesses He Endorses Ted Cruz, Yeah, Whatever.

a href="http://wonkette.com/531882/meet-idaho-senator-jim-risch-who-apparently-exists-and-voted-for-default"Idaho Senator Jim Risch, who's such a senatorial nonentity that we had to do a special post a few years back to prove to Yr Editrix that he even exists and is not a collective laudanum fantasy of...
The Titan refugee program was a bad idea, we'll admit

Trump’s Wall To Be 10 Feet Taller Because Mexico Hurt His Feelings With Swears

Alack and alas and oh his poor stars and whiskers, Donald Trump is offended because former Mexican El Presidente Vicente Fox said a mean word about him! Listen, Vicente Fox; only one politician gets to say mean words to...

Watch CNN Pretend These Other Non-Trump Losers Still Matter: Your GOP Debate Liveblog

It's debate night, y'all! Comin' right for us, from the big-ass state of Texas, where we hear all the presidential candidates are required to open carry, and moderator Wolf Blitzer will be packing some serious heat. With his questions. Kidding! We...

Time For Another Episode Of Republicans Pretending Trump Isn’t Already The Nominee

At some point, Republicans are going to have to stop pussy-footing around and accept that Donald Trump is their guy, their man, their main squeeze beau hunk fella presidential candidate. Alas and alack and groan, that point is not...

Moderate Gentleman John Kasich Advises Womenfolk To ‘Relax’

On Monday, Republican Ohio Gov. John Kasich opened his mouth, in that moderate and very reasonable way of his, and stuck his foot as far inside of it as it would go. He did so likably, and reasonably, because...
Can we fix it? No, it's fucked.

That Loser Donald Trump Sure Is Scared Of Jeb Bush, Says Loser Jeb Bush

Important announcement: Jeb Bush is still running for president. Yeah, we kind of forgot too. But Jeb hasn't forgotten, and neither has Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is cowering in a corner, pissing his pants that Jeb is about...