Tag Archives: wnd

  D'Felon D'Freed

Hardened Criminal Dinesh D’Souza Finally Freed From Maximum Security Sleep-Away Camp

He calls this his 'hoodlum chic' look. Really.
Convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza is free at last, FREE AT LAST! from his eight-month sentence of being held in “overnight captivity” in a “community confinement center.” D’Souza, as we all know because of how he has been on TV and radio shows every five minutes to talk about it, was sent to the San Diego gulag by Barack Obama himself, in an attempt to silence D’Souza from criticizing the Obama administration, aka, making illegal campaign donations, in violation of federal elections law, because THAT’S HOW MUCH HE LOVES AMERICA. Read more on Hardened Criminal Dinesh D’Souza Finally Freed From Maximum Security Sleep-Away Camp…
  Death By Misadventure

Ted Nugent: Guns Don’t Kill THAT Many Kids, But What About Swimming Pools, Huh?

Still neither jailed nor dead
Ted Nugent has hit on a strategy that’s sure to end all calls for improving gun safety forever: Just say that the number of kids killed in accidental/irresponsible shootings is negligible, then point to something else that kills more people, and then, VOILA! No more liberals bitching about his precious guns! Read more on Ted Nugent: Guns Don’t Kill THAT Many Kids, But What About Swimming Pools, Huh?…
  Teach us oh white people!

How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?

The cats are cuter than anything you'll read in this post.
Ever since the alleged police murder of Freddie Gray and the rioting that followed, white wingnuts have been trying SO HARD to do something — anything! — to help the poor black communities of Baltimore recover and move on from this tragedy. Because they care so much, honest! Should we cut off their food stamps? Give everybody more guns, so they can Stand Their Ground? Send them all some more Jesus, and good dads like Rand Paul? Well, worry not, because there are still more turd ideas to throw at the wall, so here is this week’s roundup of White Wingnut Wisdom for Baltimorean Blacks! Read more on How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?…
  Yay Alan Keyes found something to do

Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!

Surely this man is not crazy.
Poor Alan Keyes. He just cannot get over things. He knows his arch-nemesis Barack Obama (who probably would be hard-pressed to remember Keyes’ name) is out there, making sweet love to our enemies in Iran, so that they may bomb America, together. That keeps him awake at night. And he can’t stop thinking about that time, during the GOP primary debate when he was “running for president,” that he derp-barfed the word “RACIST!” when the moderator asked him about his biggest regret. But sometimes life’s earlier pains and struggles must be put aside, because a new war must be declared. Yes, the new enemies are the gays and their Supreme Court-enablers. If Alan Keyes does not stand up and heed this call to arms, our America will cease to exist! Read more on Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!…
  He Should Golf With A Teleprompter While He's There

Obama Trolling Donald Trump Again, Will Visit Kenya, Or Home Sweet Home

By now, we can't imagine anyone would make a big deal about it.
In a move that shouldn’t provoke any hysteria at all on the internet, the White House announced that President Obama will travel to Kenya in July for the “2015 Global Entrepreneurship Summit (GES),” which is a “global platform connecting emerging entrepreneurs with leaders from business, international organizations, and governments looking to support them.” Read more on Obama Trolling Donald Trump Again, Will Visit Kenya, Or Home Sweet Home…
  she's still got it

Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion

She tried to warn us
Have you been missing former Rep. Michele Bachmann since she retired to be president of the United States of Cheap Gas? Us too! And it seems she might be regretting her retirement, because hoo boy, those morons in the House are absolutely lost without her. In an EXCLUSIVE! interview with WND, Bachmann predicted that the 2016 presidential election has already been lost, thanks to those know-nothing turncoat Republicans who sold out their party and America. No, no, she’s not talking about the traitorous love letter to Iran. Don’t be silly! Read more on Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion…
  Strange Frootloops

WND Loon Erik Rush Wants To Hang Entire Obama Administration Some More

If Lincoln could hang 38 Sioux, why can't we hang us some bureaucrats?
WorldNetDaily conspiracy-spinner (ah but we repeat ourselves) Erik “Not the famous Rush, the crazier one” Rush has had enough of all the high criming and high misdemeanoring in the Obama administration, and damned if he’s willing to wait for an election to get rid of the Kenyan Usurper. Nope, he wants some bodies to swing from a gallows for all the crimes. High Crimes. Treasonous crimes. Not to mention all the Beyoncé and kale. Read more on WND Loon Erik Rush Wants To Hang Entire Obama Administration Some More…
  Does Maureen McDonnell Know About This Amazing Product?

Jackbooted CPS Thugs Remove Kids From Wingnut Home Over Dad’s Snake Oil Cure-All

Poor kids!
Planet Wingnut is in quite a lather this week over the decision by Arkansas child protection authorities to remove seven children from their parents’ home in Hot Springs after deputies found quantities of a bogus “miracle cure” in the house. State and Garland County officials served a warrant at the home of Hal and Michelle Stanley Monday and removed the children after finding “Miracle Mineral Solution” (MMS), a “nutritional supplement” sold as a cure-all for cancer, AIDS, malaria, the common cold, and pretty much everything else. The FDA warns that the substance can cause serious health problems. Read more on Jackbooted CPS Thugs Remove Kids From Wingnut Home Over Dad’s Snake Oil Cure-All…
  its a gas gas gas

Michele Bachmann Gave You Your $2 Gas. You’re Welcome, America!

romised and Delivered!
Retiring Congressdipshit Michele Bachmann has been doing a peculiar version of the Minnesota Long Goodbye, except instead of the usual arrangement, where a host follows a departing guest out to the car asking if they’re really sure they don’t want to take a little hot dish home with them, Ms. Bachmann has it a little backwards. Having given a farewell speech and received a loving farewell tongue-bath from WND, and packed up the U-Haul with all her Furry paraphernalia, she now keeps coming back from her idling getaway car to knock on the door and ask us if maybe we’d like to make her another pot of coffee and look at slides from her trip to Bemidji all night. Read more on Michele Bachmann Gave You Your $2 Gas. You’re Welcome, America!…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  Look Back In Angerbear

WND Spills Blood, Tears, Jizz In Exit Interview With Michele Bachmann

When in doubt, use this picture
Now that Michele Bachmann has said a God-filled farewell to the House of Representatives, she’s also doing a valedictory tour of rightwing media, or at least WorldNetDaily. It is titled — we swear we are not making this up — “GOP Legend Quits Congress With Message For America,” which is pretty loose usage if you ask us. Myth, yes, legend, not hardly. Read more on WND Spills Blood, Tears, Jizz In Exit Interview With Michele Bachmann…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Biblical Computer Programming, Obama’s Race Czar, And Other Horrors

Sudo bring me a muffin.
It’s time for another Derp Roundup, the occasional feature where we pressure-wash all the crud off our open browser tabs and bring you some stories that didn’t quite merit their own posts, but were too stupid to ignore altogether. Please administer brain bleach with caution. Read more on Derp Roundup: Biblical Computer Programming, Obama’s Race Czar, And Other Horrors…
  Great Female Women And Ladies

Michele Bachmann Thanks Phyllis Schlafly For Ending The Cold War

Insert Pink Floyd joke here
Michele Bachmann just wanted to let you all know that not only is she an American hero, she also has an American hero: anti-feminist and riot-starter Phyllis Schlafly, whom Bachmann describes in an interview with wingnut paranoia clearinghouse WND as “the most consequential female woman in public policy in the last 50 years of the 20th Century.” And why is she such a consequential female woman? Well how does being personally responsible for the end of the Cold War grab you? Read more on Michele Bachmann Thanks Phyllis Schlafly For Ending The Cold War…
  And Yet Furries Still Fight For Recognition

WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists

Admit it: You only read 'Nostromo' because it was the name of the ship In 'Alien'
WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah is taking a break from his critical work on behalf of birthers and believers in various conspiracies to explain that laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are actually Very Discriminatory Indeed — not against a religion (fundamentalist Christianity), but against one of the very sexual orientations that such silly laws purport to protect! Because now, being against marriage equality is its very own sexual orientation. Read more on WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists…
  Shazbot!

Robin Williams Probably Consorted With Demons, Says WND In Touching Memorial Ad

Robin Williams conjures a demon, or throws a gang sign maybe.
It’s kind of beautiful how, in the midst of tragedy, some people can calmly assess the situation and find a way to make things just a little shittier. Consider the great minds at conspiracy wackaloon hub WND, who took the occasion of Robin William’s suicide to pimp DVDs about the Satanic influence of pop culture. Read more on Robin Williams Probably Consorted With Demons, Says WND In Touching Memorial Ad…
  Also God Makes Icebergs Shaped Like Dicks

Photoshopped Cow With Map Of The World Proves Creationism Is Real

Do you ever wish Dok weren’t on vacation? US TOO! Because here is a “Special Offer for WND Readers,” and it is a picture of a cow with a map on it that proves … God gave people Photoshop? Unclear. But oh, haha, “CreationMoments” is not stupid. They know there might possibly maybe be some Photoshop trickery, in this random cow picture they found on the internet. BUT WHO MADE THE COW? Huh Mr. Smartypants Atheist Hellbound Snootmeister What Is Probly a Jew? WHO DID THAT? Read more on Photoshopped Cow With Map Of The World Proves Creationism Is Real…
  So Nuts He Makes the Other Rush Look Sane

WND Idiot Erik Rush Just Asking Whether Obama Shot Down Flight 17 (He Totally Did)

The shocking evidence the mainstream media don't want you to see!
WND columnist and wackaloon conspiracy theorist (ah, but we repeat ourselves) Erik Rush, who’s pretty sure Obama tried to nuke South Carolina, is floating a new variation on the theme: Maybe we should consider, he says, the possibility that illegal “President” Barack Obama conspired with Ukraine to shoot down Malaysia Air Flight 17. This makes perfect sense, because it would fit so well with the already-established fact (in Erik Rush’s reality) that Barack Obama also blowed up the Malaysian airliner that went missing in March, because that’s just how Barry rolls. Read more on WND Idiot Erik Rush Just Asking Whether Obama Shot Down Flight 17 (He Totally Did)…
  you gays get off his lawn

Angry Old Man At WND Pretty Sure That NAMBLA Is Going To Take Over The National Cathedral

We thumbed through our archives and realized we really don’t pay enough heed to the comedy stylings of Les Kinsolving over at WND, and that’s a crying shame, because he has the slightly-unhinged yet wholly cranky anger that only the elderly can really deliver, and oh my yes is he mad at the gay people and the transgender people and the everyone who is not Les Kinsolving people in a delightfully train wreck-y get off my lawn sort of fashion. Read more on Angry Old Man At WND Pretty Sure That NAMBLA Is Going To Take Over The National Cathedral…