Barack Obama won another big primary day! He got enough of the votes and the delegates and the white people and the liberal women to wipe out Hillary Clinton. (YES THE BLACKS ALSO VOTED FOR HIM. STOP PLAYING THE RACE CARD.) So now we go to, er, Wisconsin? And then Texas, and Ohio, and Hawaii?

Hillary’s going to be swept in Maryland, DC and Virginia today, then she is going to lose Wisconsin and Hawaii next week. So here’s the Clinton campaign’s goal for the month of February: Don’t lose Wisconsin by very much! She’s running this new ad in the… cheese state… and is utilizing everyone’s favorite Obama hater, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman, to “pimp out” her plan. [YouTube]

If we knew he would make us savory quiche all fixed up with Wisconsin cheddar and nutritious broccoli, perhaps we would’ve taken Tommy Thompson’s candidacy a little more seriously. But we didn’t, and now he’s out of the race, and the nation will never know what it missed.

The Honorable Tommy Thompson Specialty Recipe [Virtual Cities]

Sometimes it’s important to stop and think about the real victims of the war in Iraq. Specifically, rednecks in rural Wisconsin. The US Army has a lot of Iraqis to shoot, and they’ve been shooting them for an awful long time now. Unfortunately, they’re using all of America’s precious, precious bullets. Unfortunately, this means that cops in backwards corners of the upper-midwest are having a hard time getting ahold of the ammo they need to shoot cans, meth lab operators, stray dogs, and lost city slickers. MORE »

This past Memorial Day caretakers at the Oak Hill Cemetery in Neenah, Wisconsin noticed that more than two dozen American flags were missing from the graves of military veterans. Who was to blame — commies? terrorists? beatniks? No, the answer was even more chilling: our so-called “friends” in the rogue animal kingdom. MORE »

Former Wisconsin Governor and HHS Secretary Tommy Thompson is running for president! He announced it yesterday, and even though the guy already filed his papers indicating his intention to run last December, he managed to scam a few minutes of coverage yesterday. MORE »

Steve Kagen, a Democratic representing northeast Wisconsin in the House, won a bitter campaign involving brutal attack ads and visits to the district from Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. So, naturally, when Kagen met Rove, he trapped him in the bathroom and said crazy, crazy things. MORE »

Governor Jim Doyle doesn’t love Festivus this year. While Wisconsin’s governor used to love the holiday so much that he distributed a picture of himself standing by the Festivus Pole, the racist antics of one-time Seinfeld star what’s-his-name, Kramer, has spoiled the joyful season. MORE »

All hail Wisconsin’s brave governor, Jim Doyle, who poses here with his handsome and totally unadorned Festivus Pole. Sadly, his political career is now over. MORE »

Former guy-we-barely-remember Tommy “Tommy Gun” Thompson is running for president! MORE »

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