Tag Archives: wisconsin

 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  Great advice

Rush Limbaugh: Scott Walker Should Use Rape Jokes To Explain Quitting College

Always take this guy's advice
Is Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker one of those maybe presidential contenders for 2016 we’re supposed to take seriously? It’s so hard to tell. He certainly seems to think so. He’s been visiting the right states and giving the right speeches and raising the right money and hating on the right groups, like women and unions and students and voters. And Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show Thursday that Walker is “a real candidate,” which proves it, right? Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Scott Walker Should Use Rape Jokes To Explain Quitting College…
  Origin Of Sheeshes

Scott Walker Way Too Smart To Answer Whether Evolution Is A Thing

Hey, what do I know?
While visiting London “The one in England” England Wednesday, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked if he thinks the theory of evolution is true. Apparently unable to remember the Republican Magic Words “I’m not a scientist, man,” he instead replied “I’m going to punt on that one,” adding that an established scientific theory that’s taught in universities and high schools worldwide is “a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or another.” Or maybe he just didn’t get that far at Marquette University before he dropped out of college. Read more on Scott Walker Way Too Smart To Answer Whether Evolution Is A Thing…
  someone's plugging the wrong (budget) hole

Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now

Hey, what do I know?
Poop-brained sea monster Scott Walker would very much like to be president of the United States. It’s a heavy lift for a guy who has all the charisma and magnetism of a Styrofoam cup of barley soup left out on a table in a homeless shelter. Scott’s going to have to run on his record of being a total dick to much of the population of his home state of Wisconsin. This week he unveiled his latest state budget, and guess what? Mission accomplished, Scott. Read more on Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now…
  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  Politigation

With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare

Pic via sugarfreeglow Welcome to 2015, Republicans! With the changing of the year, we assume you’ll be turning over a new leaf, looking toward the future and leaving behind the petty bickering and toddler-like tantrums that characterized 2014. Ha ha, just kidding, of course. Read more on With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  outstanding achievements in shitmuffinry

Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!

It’s that time of year again, Wonketeers! We’re gathering nominations for our coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year award. Competition for 2014 honors in both national and state divisions has been fierce and we want to be sure we don’t overlook any worthy nominees, particularly among those who ply their trade in the state capitol buildings across our great nation. Read more on Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!…
  How Is Babby Incarcerated?

Wisconsin Likes Jailing Pregnant Ladies Too, For The Children

Pregnant women are for punishin'
Looks like Wisconsin is the latest state to get in on the hot new “Throw Pregnant Women in Jail” trend. Motivated in equal parts by the “pro-life” movement and plain old misogyny — but we repeat ourselves — prosecutors in Alabama and Texas have been jailing pregnant women who have tested positive for drug use. This is ostensibly for the sake of the fetus, because any woman who’d take drugs while pregnant is obviously a child abuser, but the women treated to the states’ tender mercies often end up getting lousy prenatal care in prison, not to mention their diminished job prospects once the babby is born and mom has a criminal record. And now Wisconsin is getting in on the trend, too. Read more on Wisconsin Likes Jailing Pregnant Ladies Too, For The Children…
  Oy Gefilte!

Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year

And then the kids spin the grenadel
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is definitely giving some serious thought to running for president — like, more serious thought than Donald Trump, even — and to do that, he’s going to have to prove that he is a friend of Israel and of The Jews. Not necessarily a friend to the majority of American Jews, who foolishly keep supporting Democrats, despite Ben Shapiro yelling at them, but he needs to at least prove that he’s worthy of some Sheldon Adelson money. And so he makes the appropriate gestures of love for Israel, which is both a great beacon of democracy and a necessary prop that will be needed to bring about the End Times. He even made a point of goysplaining, at a Las Vegas Adelsonfest, that he named his son Matthew, which is Hebrew for “gift from God,” and that he celebrates the Birth of Our Saviour Jesus Christ with both Christmas lights and “a menorah candle.” See, he’s trying real hard! Unfortunately, not every attempt to be hip and fit in works so well, as we are reminded by Madison’s Capital Times. As part of a document dump from last year’s “John Doe” investigations of Walker’s administration, the group One Wisconsin found an amusing artifact from Walker’s pre-governor days, when he was Milwaukee County executive. Franklyn Gimbel, an attorney from Milwaukee, had written about setting up a Chanukah display at the Milwaukee County Courthouse, and Walker enthusiastically replied: Read more on Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year…
  Firing Blanks In The Culture War

America-Hating Libs Murder Veterans Day Because They Fear Guns. Or Not.

Why not just let the kids know what WW I was really about?
Thank heavens we’ve got a good Culture War overlay for your Veterans/Armistice/Remembrance Day, America. According to a number of rightwing websites, the gun-hating (and hence Freedom-hating) liberals in charge of the Eau Claire, Wisconsin, School District have completely cancelled Veterans Day programs, denying children of a chance to learn about what makes their country great. Read more on America-Hating Libs Murder Veterans Day Because They Fear Guns. Or Not….
  If It's Sunday It's A Good Thing There's A 2:00 Replay

Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary

We have to admit, Wonketteers, that we did not stick to our Chuck Todd diet. We really did intend to get up every Sunday for Meet the Press to see Chuck’s tough questioning of the Biggest Names in News and stay in shape with his touchscreen map upper-body workouts, but it wasn’t until his first show after the Democrats were sent to live on the farm upstate that he enticed us to come back by landing an EXCLUSIVE interview with Scott Walker, King of Wisconsin. Read more on Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary…
  Christie/Walker 2016

Scott Walker Clinches Lowest Seed In 2016 Primary Bracket

So… Wisconsin. We here at the Washington Bureau have largely averted our eyes from this particular race until now, preferring instead to ease ourselves into the abstract knowledge that Scott Walker was, in fact, rewarded for his behavior with another term in office. Read more on Scott Walker Clinches Lowest Seed In 2016 Primary Bracket…
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is voter fraud right for you? Read more on Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day…
  Walker 2016

Some Of Scott Walker’s Best Friends Are Women

Hey, ladies of Wisconsin! With the election that decides his political future coming up next week, your feminist hero Gov. Scott Walker has remembered that you’re allowed to vote, just in time for him to put one of your kind on TV to make a not-at-all disingenuous play for your support. Read more on Some Of Scott Walker’s Best Friends Are Women…
  senioritis

Scott Walker Gets Some Chris Christie All Over Him, On Purpose

Image via YouTube With a little over a week to go before Election Day, Scott Walker is increasingly a man in need of a helping hand. His once-certain re-election as King of Wisconsin has taken up residence in every pollster’s “no idea, don’t ask us” box, the U.S. Supreme Court cruelly dashed his hopes of excluding thousands of largely Democratic voters from the polls, a new batch of documents just dropped from the investigation that’s taken down a half-dozen of his underlings and cronies, and his opponent Mary Burke has been landing punches (with ads) and drawing big crowds with visits from a string of Democratic superstars. Read more on Scott Walker Gets Some Chris Christie All Over Him, On Purpose…
  i renounced and denounced your mom last night

Green Bay Alderman Will Listen To Citizen Just As Soon As She Isn’t A Terrorist

A nice lady in Green Bay, Wisconsin, wrote her alderman, because she is a good citizen. “Hey,” she wrote, “howsabout some free bus service on Election Day for the poors and democracy and suchlike?” But she wrote it classier because she is not Yr Wonkette. “Sure,” Chris Wery responded, “just as soon as you, A Muslim, denounce and renounce Sharia law and Hamas.” Well, um, hrmmmm? Read more on Green Bay Alderman Will Listen To Citizen Just As Soon As She Isn’t A Terrorist…
  shhhh! that's your inner monologue

RNC Lady Wishes You Weren’t Stupid, Wisconsin

Wisconsin voters head for the polls, apparently.
Everyone say hello to Sharon Day, co-chair of the Republican National Committee and today’s winner of the “Shhh! You’re Not Supposed To Say That Out Loud” award. Day was visiting Wisconsin to fire up the troops working to re-elect Scott Walker as governor when she spoke the following aloud at a field office in Waukesha. Read more on RNC Lady Wishes You Weren’t Stupid, Wisconsin…
  Walker 2016

Oh Hey, Looks Like That Lady Might Beat Scott Walker, Huh!

Hey, what do I know?
Republican Gov. Scott Walker might be too busy pre-presidenting to notice the disaster he’s been as union-busting boss of the great state of Wisconsin, but a new Marquette University poll suggests that a growing number of likely voters in the state are on to him. Scotty is now running neck-and-neck with his Democratic challenger, former state commerce secretary and Trek Bicycle executive Mary Burke, among those who say they’re most likely to show up to the polls in November. Read more on Oh Hey, Looks Like That Lady Might Beat Scott Walker, Huh!…
  the winds of change

Is This Scott Walker Farting?

poot.
Wonket operative “Lisa” writes in with the HOT TIP about Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker possibly making a pooty in his pants: Hey there Wonkette, During the live feed of Scott Walker’s Milwaukee Journal Sentinel editorial board meeting, I’m pretty sure he farted: Read more on Is This Scott Walker Farting?…
  field trips

Republicans Celebrate Success Of Voter Suppression With Fancy Luncheon

One smug bastard
Photo by Beth Ethier Voter fraud is so hot right now. This year’s midterm elections are only a few weeks away, and courts are still ruling left and right on the identification requirements that states can impose on their voters as a remedy to the virtually non-existent threat of voter impersonation. Read more on Republicans Celebrate Success Of Voter Suppression With Fancy Luncheon…