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Posts Tagged ‘wisconsin’

HILLARY CLINTON

Liveblogging Hillary’s Barack’s Latest Loser Winner Speech

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Why is she still running? Will she just give her stump speech again? Most importantly: WHY IS SHE SPEAKING FROM CHENEY HIGH SCHOOL? Apparently, she will try to get the Republican nomination now.

UPDATE: That devilish plagiarizer Barack Obama interrupted Hillary and is now giving his speech. It is better than Hillary Clinton’s speech, and we will type about it. MORE »


HILLARY CLINTON

Barack Is President of Wisconsin!

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Hillary made it 20 minutes after the polls ended this time to suffer a projected, heartbreaking loss! Yeah, Barry won. Write your own Mark Penn spin.


TOP

Liveblogging the Wisconsin Snowcow Primary, Forever

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Indeed, tonight’s Superficial Primary Coverage theme will be cheese, cows, and snow. Anything else? Brett Favre, maybe, depending on how many times Hillary mentions things that were only good in the ’90s. Sports joke! Zing. Anyway, what are the people on teevee saying about the spin, the white woman and the black man? MORE »


HILLARY CLINTON

Could Wisconsin Be Close, And Drag This Thing On For Several Years?

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Exit polls, we got exit polls, check out these peculiar exit poll figures. Barack’s continuing to cut into her base — “working class” people, and chicks — but Hillary’s retaining everyone’s grandmother. But on the “top quality” for voters, experience, Hillary trounces him with 95% of voters who care about that. Also, it was snowing in Wisconsin, so only snow leopards, evergreen trees and dire hobbits were able to vote. [The Page]


REPUBLICANS

Mike Huckabee Tribute Video, Now Featuring Dinosaurs!

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008


Just in time for Mike Huckabee to lose the Wisconsin primary and every other primary or caucus yet to come (except maybe Texas!), here is another “Obama girl” knockoff video featuring some gal twirling around and singing about her crush on a presidential candidate. It’s 80% dull liberal mockery of religious people and 20% awesome dinosaur riding. [YouTube]


DEMOCRATS

Hawaiian-Cheesehead Liveblogging Tonight!

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Primaries and caucuses every week, forever! Celebrate the horror tonight as we liveblog the proceedings from Wisconsin (polls close at 9 p.m. Eastern) and Washington (only counts for Republicans, 11 p.m. Eastern) and Hawaii (1 a.m. Eastern). Jesus, Hawaii is on the other side of the planet or something. No wonder people are so suspicious of this Barack Obama and his Great Shark God. Anyway, stock up on booze and guns and antibiotics and spend the night with Wonkette. [Seattle Times/Honolulu Star Bulletin]


HILLARY CLINTON

Hillary SURGING To American Victory!

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

The Gallup Daily Tracking Poll shows Hillary finally closing that deficit after a whole five or six days. She’s only losing by one point now. Call the election! Hillary wins forever, soon! Don’t, stop, thinkin’ about tomorrow…

But in real life, she actually does have some vague chance of winning Wisconsin tonight, even though she’s lost every primary election since Super Tuesday. Accordingly, those wombats at the Obama campaign have “lowered expectations” dramatically via their daily talking points. So either way, they win by 50 points, in the American Voter’s mind. MORE »


HILLARY CLINTON

Monday, February 18th, 2008

*BUT HE CHEATS IN HIS TALKING:* American plagiarizer candidate Barack Obama leads Hillary Clinton 53% to 40% in Wisconsin (primary tomorrow, huzzah), according to a new poll from Public Policy Polling. This is a wider margin than some other Wisconsin polls show, and the numbers also resemble a Deval Patrick speech from 2006. [TPM Election Central]


DEMOCRATS

Barack Obama Demonstrates Ability To Hypnotize Young Voters

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

barack_baby_ap.jpg
Here’s presidential “hopeful” Barack Obama showing a Wisconsin crowd how he creates lifelong disciples. This baby will never be able to vote for a Clinton, but was otherwise unharmed. [AP Photo]


HILLARY CLINTON

Hillary Continues To Be Antichrist Hater of All Positive Things, Destroyer of ‘The Good’, Breather of Toxic Fire and Generally Speaking, Our World’s Satan

Friday, February 15th, 2008

Hillary’s made a follow-up ad in Wisconsin to her earlier one. Some people might call this a “negative” or “attack” ad and hate Hillary as a result. Such whining indicates that these people shouldn’t be able to vote. [YouTube]


HILLARY CLINTON

Hillary Is Being Half-Mean To The Pretty Senator Again!

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

Now that Hillary’s losing forever, she has to go back to the negative. This is doable, but she should probably avoid the racism this time around, funny as it was. Actually, if Barry is going to be the nominee, maybe she should drop a few n-bombs and see how that fairy holds up — the “hopemonger” needs practice. Hillary’s not quite there yet, but she will attack Barry’s vaguely different health care plan, again, in her newest Wisconsin ad. MORE »