Why is she still running? Will she just give her stump speech again? Most importantly: WHY IS SHE SPEAKING FROM CHENEY HIGH SCHOOL? Apparently, she will try to get the Republican nomination now.

UPDATE: That devilish plagiarizer Barack Obama interrupted Hillary and is now giving his speech. It is better than Hillary Clinton’s speech, and we will type about it. MORE »

Hillary made it 20 minutes after the polls ended this time to suffer a projected, heartbreaking loss! Yeah, Barry won. Write your own Mark Penn spin.

Indeed, tonight’s Superficial Primary Coverage theme will be cheese, cows, and snow. Anything else? Brett Favre, maybe, depending on how many times Hillary mentions things that were only good in the ’90s. Sports joke! Zing. Anyway, what are the people on teevee saying about the spin, the white woman and the black man? MORE »

Exit polls, we got exit polls, check out these peculiar exit poll figures. Barack’s continuing to cut into her base — “working class” people, and chicks — but Hillary’s retaining everyone’s grandmother. But on the “top quality” for voters, experience, Hillary trounces him with 95% of voters who care about that. Also, it was snowing in Wisconsin, so only snow leopards, evergreen trees and dire hobbits were able to vote. [The Page]

Just in time for Mike Huckabee to lose the Wisconsin primary and every other primary or caucus yet to come (except maybe Texas!), here is another “Obama girl” knockoff video featuring some gal twirling around and singing about her crush on a presidential candidate. It’s 80% dull liberal mockery of religious people and 20% awesome dinosaur riding. [YouTube]

Primaries and caucuses every week, forever! Celebrate the horror tonight as we liveblog the proceedings from Wisconsin (polls close at 9 p.m. Eastern) and Washington (only counts for Republicans, 11 p.m. Eastern) and Hawaii (1 a.m. Eastern). Jesus, Hawaii is on the other side of the planet or something. No wonder people are so suspicious of this Barack Obama and his Great Shark God. Anyway, stock up on booze and guns and antibiotics and spend the night with Wonkette. [Seattle Times/Honolulu Star Bulletin]

The Gallup Daily Tracking Poll shows Hillary finally closing that deficit after a whole five or six days. She’s only losing by one point now. Call the election! Hillary wins forever, soon! Don’t, stop, thinkin’ about tomorrow…

But in real life, she actually does have some vague chance of winning Wisconsin tonight, even though she’s lost every primary election since Super Tuesday. Accordingly, those wombats at the Obama campaign have “lowered expectations” dramatically via their daily talking points. So either way, they win by 50 points, in the American Voter’s mind. MORE »

*BUT HE CHEATS IN HIS TALKING:* American plagiarizer candidate Barack Obama leads Hillary Clinton 53% to 40% in Wisconsin (primary tomorrow, huzzah), according to a new poll from Public Policy Polling. This is a wider margin than some other Wisconsin polls show, and the numbers also resemble a Deval Patrick speech from 2006. [TPM Election Central]

Here’s presidential “hopeful” Barack Obama showing a Wisconsin crowd how he creates lifelong disciples. This baby will never be able to vote for a Clinton, but was otherwise unharmed. [AP Photo]

Hillary’s made a follow-up ad in Wisconsin to her earlier one. Some people might call this a “negative” or “attack” ad and hate Hillary as a result. Such whining indicates that these people shouldn’t be able to vote. [YouTube]

Now that Hillary’s losing forever, she has to go back to the negative. This is doable, but she should probably avoid the racism this time around, funny as it was. Actually, if Barry is going to be the nominee, maybe she should drop a few n-bombs and see how that fairy holds up — the “hopemonger” needs practice. Hillary’s not quite there yet, but she will attack Barry’s vaguely different health care plan, again, in her newest Wisconsin ad. MORE »