Tag: winning

Team Trump Marks 6 Months Since Election By Reminding Us Trump Won. Did You Know He Won? He Won.

Breaking: Trump still won the election. Stay tuned for updates on his having won.

Trump’s ‘Buy American’ Executive Order: Not Available In All Areas, Some Restrictions May Apply

Another largely empty Trump executive order. Are you sick of winning yet?

Kinder, Gentler, Definitely Sane Trump Holds Press Conference To Tell Press To Fuck Right Off

Donald Trump had a press conference, and it was definitely a thing.

Overworked Donald Trump Plans Nice, Relaxing Campaign Rally In Florida This Weekend

Oh, good. A Trump rally. Been a while.
I know what you're thinking. Did he win six electoral votes or only five?

Donald Trump’s Plan To End Crime: Unleash Dirty Harry, McBain, More-Racist Mel Gibson

Donald Trump has a plan to stop crime, and it all depends on One Tough Cop. Wish Trump had gotten his name.

Mitch McConnell Hides Under His Shell From Mean Words Like ‘Racism’ And ‘Trump’

Mitch McConnell has a thing to say about racism, and that is "vote Trump!"
Serious Trump is Serious

If President Donald Trump Tortures You, That Means It’s Not Illegal

Donald Trump loves him some torture, so much. Whenever he can, he explains how he'd bring back waterboarding -- and more! -- and maybe also kill some terrorists' families, because you gotta be tough with these animals. In Thursday's debate,...

Erick Erickson: People Only Hate Us A Little More Than They Hate Democrats, So We Win The Shutdown!

Erick Erickson is obviously tired of Barack Obama getting all the credit for playing 11th-dimensional chess, so he's going to give it a try. Of course, chess is hard, so he'll start with eleventh-dimensional Hungry Hungry Hippos: Polling shows more...

Excellent Judge Of Character Rand Paul Wants GOP To Be More Like Charlie Sheen, We Guess?

Ahem. “Does anybody remember Charlie Sheen when he was kind of going crazy…And he was going around, jumping around saying ‘Winning, winning, we're winning," Paul said, as quoted by MSNBC. "Well I kind of feel like that, we are...

Republican Strategists ‘Frightened To Death’ By #OWS Movement

While the Occupy Wall Street movement can sometimes seem to be more about tents and police and pepper spray than the crushing economic injustice in this country, Republican political operatives are having no trouble at all figuring out exactly...

TN State Senator Writes ‘Long Form Birth Certificate’ Bill, Has No Idea What ‘Long Form Birth Certificate’ Is

Across this dumb nation, state legislators are introducing bills against "Sharia," whoever she might be, and bills requiring all new presidents to have "long form birth certificates," whatever those happen to be. Mother Jones reports on this radio appearance by...

Washington OKs New Wireless System To Cripple GPS, Cell Phones & Jets

Good news on the U.S. infrastructure front: The FCC has approved a weird new national wireless system that will maybe create some new jobs! The bad news, according to USA Today, is that the powerful new cell towers "will...

McCain: Obama Tries To Lose Wars, Because He’s Weird

How the hell does John McCain get away with saying this today: "I had the courage and judgment to say that I would rather lose a political campaign than lose a war. It seems to me that Sen. Obama...