Let’s Remember the Day Columbus Visited the Bahamas!
Monday, October 12th, 2009
[A new annual Wonkette tradition starts today, to honor Columbus Day: re-posting this thing Editor Ken Layne wrote last year about history's greatest American, Christopher Columbus. It is the definitive historical account. You can read all of your comments from last year, and then make new comments! -- Ed. Jim]
Christopher Columbus, which means “Our Lord’s Anus” in Portuguese, was a famous wingnut racist who didn’t even know where he came from, but he was hired by a shadowy cabal of Spaniards and the Knights Templar to find an easier route to the emerging economies of Communist China, because the Islamo-Fascists had blown up the highway to Afghanistan! MORE »
A bunch of you have sent us a link to 
“Trent Franks” is some degenerate sad sack who had two options: become a celebrated onomatopoeic actor in pornographic films, or run for Congress in Arizona. At random, he chose the latter option, and thank goodness he did, because now America has been given FAIR WARNING that its President, Barack Obama, is an “enemy of humanity.” So THIS is whom we are 
Hooray, it’s time to indoctrinate the school children at the government-run anti-choice public school-prisons. But how will we best teach these weak lumps of young shit how to be Nazi-Socialists for the Black Panthers? WITH THE TEEVEE, obvs. And that’s why the no-good Hawaiian-Chicago street hustler, Barry Nobama, will speak to the childrens on the closed circuit today, old school, and of course oh good gravy there are some WHITE folks who heard about this, and they are not so happy about a common African Slave telling kids to “stay in school.” Look what happens when black kids stay in school and go to Harvard and all that …. 
In the secret quiet of labor Day Weekend, the White House fired black person Van Jones, who had some administration position related to “green jobs.” The White House confirmed that Jones was out “early Sunday,” which is right now. Why did this Van Jones get axed? Because wingnuts were angry about …. 
While the state of Colorado has a few nice cities and some lovely wilderness, until very recently the 
FAMOUS CNBC LADY LITERALLY HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT: We know that most of you people like to spend your entire “workdays” watching the television channel for rich people, CNBC, so as to stay a step ahead of your fellow investors in the ultra-competitive “Who can lose most of America’s wealth the quickest?” financial game, so we feel obligated to present you with a modest caveat to keep in mind: one of the channel’s most well-known hosts, Maria Bartiromo, has 
Man, the “easy post factory” will carry this entire liberal/evil blogosphere on her back, alone, through these last slow news days of summer, if she must. She could charge a subscription fee for each time she opens her mouth, and we’d buy 270 days up-front! Here’s the 
Bachmann. She got on some conference call last week with 350,000 people, to tell them Facts. Here’s the gist, of it, according to the Minnesota Independent: “In response to a caller from Minnesota who wanted to know if there was a plan afoot in Washington to require all medical doctors to perform abortions, Bachmann didn’t exactly shoot the suggestion down.” But here was her most urgent message for these people about health care reform: “That’s really where this battle will be won — on our knees in prayer and fasting,” she told the listeners. ‘Remember: faith without works is dead. So we’re asking you to do all of it: pray, fast, believe, trust the Lord, but also act.’” We agree with Bachmann on this one: all of these folks *should* fast! Fast faster, people! Make it a goal to not eat or drink for TWO WEEKS. Big outer space man will be mad if you don’t do this! [
Not since the Grinch stole Jesus’ Birthday from the tiny hydrocephalic aliens of Whoville has a figure of evil so blatantly tried to fuck a precious holiday to death: Barack Obama wants to make September 11 some kind of evil, patriotic day of remembering the terrorist attacks by doing something for America. It is exactly like he individually piloted all of those jets into those buildings, and knocked them down! 
