Hooray, it’s time to indoctrinate the school children at the government-run anti-choice public school-prisons. But how will we best teach these weak lumps of young shit how to be Nazi-Socialists for the Black Panthers? WITH THE TEEVEE, obvs. And that’s why the no-good Hawaiian-Chicago street hustler, Barry Nobama, will speak to the childrens on the closed circuit today, old school, and of course oh good gravy there are some WHITE folks who heard about this, and they are not so happy about a common African Slave telling kids to “stay in school.” Look what happens when black kids stay in school and go to Harvard and all that …. BLAM, black dude is president. Not good. MORE »

In the secret quiet of labor Day Weekend, the White House fired black person Van Jones, who had some administration position related to “green jobs.” The White House confirmed that Jones was out “early Sunday,” which is right now. Why did this Van Jones get axed? Because wingnuts were angry about …. MORE »

While the state of Colorado has a few nice cities and some lovely wilderness, until very recently the entire state was run by the Ku Klux Klan, and those people didn’t all just die/disappear! And you can bet the “Rocky Mountain Fever Tick” wingnuts are not pleased about this colored fella speaking to kids on teevee about the so-called “value” of “education” and “staying in school.” So, to fight this black-socialist threat, the poor white children of wingnuts will be forced stay home and get dumber, while watching the hip-hop on the home teevee, because Barack Obama is going to address the schoolkids next week, for a few minutes, on the school teevee. MORE »

FAMOUS CNBC LADY LITERALLY HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT: We know that most of you people like to spend your entire “workdays” watching the television channel for rich people, CNBC, so as to stay a step ahead of your fellow investors in the ultra-competitive “Who can lose most of America’s wealth the quickest?” financial game, so we feel obligated to present you with a modest caveat to keep in mind: one of the channel’s most well-known hosts, Maria Bartiromo, has no idea what Medicare is. She does not understand why 44-year-old Rep. Anthony Weiner doesn’t currently “use” Medicare himself, if he thinks so highly of it. Disturbing. [Huffington Post]

Man, the “easy post factory” will carry this entire liberal/evil blogosphere on her back, alone, through these last slow news days of summer, if she must. She could charge a subscription fee for each time she opens her mouth, and we’d buy 270 days up-front! Here’s the latest, from a speech she gave yesterday in Denver, which is far, far away from her congressional district: “‘This cannot pass,’ the Minnesota Republican told a crowd at a Denver gathering sponsored by the Independence Institute. ‘What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass.’” Well, what’s the body count so far? [Colorado Independent]

Bachmann. She got on some conference call last week with 350,000 people, to tell them Facts. Here’s the gist, of it, according to the Minnesota Independent: “In response to a caller from Minnesota who wanted to know if there was a plan afoot in Washington to require all medical doctors to perform abortions, Bachmann didn’t exactly shoot the suggestion down.” But here was her most urgent message for these people about health care reform: “That’s really where this battle will be won — on our knees in prayer and fasting,” she told the listeners. ‘Remember: faith without works is dead. So we’re asking you to do all of it: pray, fast, believe, trust the Lord, but also act.’” We agree with Bachmann on this one: all of these folks *should* fast! Fast faster, people! Make it a goal to not eat or drink for TWO WEEKS. Big outer space man will be mad if you don’t do this! [Minnesota Independent]

Not since the Grinch stole Jesus’ Birthday from the tiny hydrocephalic aliens of Whoville has a figure of evil so blatantly tried to fuck a precious holiday to death: Barack Obama wants to make September 11 some kind of evil, patriotic day of remembering the terrorist attacks by doing something for America. It is exactly like he individually piloted all of those jets into those buildings, and knocked them down! MORE »

Okay, there goes the morning productivity! There’s a new SAVE GLENN BECK petition with, apparently, the same 2,200 Fox News viewers who figured out how to post something from the ‘puter. Go spread the true message of Democracy/Horror, and laugh at the (currently) visible signatures/messages, until this one gets eated, too. [New dumb Glenn Beck poll]

Ugh SO CONFUSING. So are these healthcare-focused town hall meetings across the nation 1) being constantly disrupted by belligerent, gun-toting angry nutballs or 2) the site of reasoned and civil discussion among people who, for the most part, are acting like grownups? MORE »

La Jolla hotel developer Doug Manchester put up $125,000 to collect signatures for Prop 8, California’s absurd anti-gay-marriage initiative intended to overturn Caifornia’s legal gay marriages just to ruin people’s lives, because why not, wingnuts is special. But now richie-rich Mr. Manchester, who previously claimed he was bankrolling the Prop 8 signature effort because of his deep love of being married to a lady, has cruelly dumped his wife of 43 years and is cold trying to ruin her lifestyle! MORE »

Oh, oh yes, do watch this video from Claire McCaskill’s town hall yesterday. Old serial killer-ish guy just gets up from the bleachers, STEALS the black lady’s poster of Rosa Parks that she’d been showing a reporter, rips and crumples it up, cops chase ‘em all out, and everyone boos the black lady. Raw Democracy! [Pam's House Blend]