Tag Archives: wingnuts

  writ of mandumbass

Alabama Supreme Court Gonna Halt All Them Homosexual ‘Marriages,’ By God

Apparently Chief Justice Roy Moore and his ‘Bama Supreme Court judge pals, all of whom are clear examples of why judges should not be elected, and all of whom should be fired, would prefer that the United States Supreme Court have to stick its foot ALL THE WAY up their asses on the marriage issue, none of this “just the tip” stuff anymore, that’s not at all what they like. Why? The Alabama Supremes decided Tuesday night to issue a writ of mandumbass mandamus, a complicated legal-like term, which ordered Alabama’s probate judges to stop issuing marriage licenses to gay couples entirely, at least for the time being. Why? Because they found a few little loopholes that will not at all be relevant when SCOTUS finishes them off in June: Read more on Alabama Supreme Court Gonna Halt All Them Homosexual ‘Marriages,’ By God…
  Homo-nazis will have to destroy North Carolina later too busy trying to find a place to pee

Performance Artist Flip Benham Solves Transgender Bathrooms Problem By Yelling ‘Pervert!’ At It

Last night, the Southern town of Charlotte, North Carolina, did a real big stupid, failing to pass an anti-discrimination ordinance that would add LGBT people to the list of protected groups. Wingnut opponents of the ordinance, of course, were most worried about the possibility that somewhere, somehow, a transgender person might be out there responding to the call of nature, and not even ashamed of themselves for it. This is an outrage, because how dare they, despite what you have heard in children’s books, NOT EVERYBODY POOPS, especially not transgender people! Read more on Performance Artist Flip Benham Solves Transgender Bathrooms Problem By Yelling ‘Pervert!’ At It…
  This Is Idaho Not Kali

Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate

Vishnu? Not much. Vishnu with you?
Idaho state Sen. Steve Vick is all in favor of the First Amendment and freedom and stuff, but that doesn’t mean he has to sit and put up with it when a Hindu cleric gives the invocation at today’s session of the state Senate, which is why he plans on walking out on the pagan voodoo nonsense. Why yes, he is from the same northern Idaho county whose local Republican party floated a proposal to declare Idaho a Christian state last week. Why do you ask? Read more on Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate…
  All the Nooses That Fit

Tea Party Lady Just Wants To String Up Blacks Who Skip Netanyahu’s Big Speech

Is everybody amped for Bibi’s Big Bloviation today? Tea Party “radio” host and WorldNetDaily contributor Andrea Shea King sure is. She happens to know exactly how important it is for all members of Congress to attend Netanyahu’s speech, in fact: She’s determined that anyone who doesn’t attend is actually guilty of treason, and should be executed. We’re not sure whether she thinks that would be treason to the United States or Israel, but it’s definitely a hangin’ offense, especially for members of the Congressional Black Caucus, because apparently they’re the worst of the anti-Israel racists, what with looking like Obama and all. Read more on Tea Party Lady Just Wants To String Up Blacks Who Skip Netanyahu’s Big Speech…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!

Haha, 'COORS'
Since Disqus has brought us a bunch of new commenters (Hi! Welcome To The Monkeyhouse! Play nice!), we’d just like to ‘splain why we moderate comments in the first place, instead of allowing unfettered Free Speach: It’s because we are big believers in the First Amendment, which gives us the right to run our little mommyblog/recipe hub/Pony appreciation society however the hell we want to. It’s our parlor, and if we choose not to invite someone in because they’re intent on muddying up the carpet and shitting on the credenza, or even if we don’t like their Gadsden Flag t-shirt, that’s our business. Don’t like it? Do some Free Enterprise and offer the Editrix an obscene amount of money to buy the site so you can change how things work. (We hear she’ll only sell if the staff get some pretty impressive golden parachutes.) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!…
  Error 404 Truthiness Not Found

FCC Approves Obama’s Secret Plan To Keep Internet Pretty Much The Same

I'm sorry, Dave, I see Google is your default search engine. Have you considered Bing? You really should consider Bing, Dave. Do you want me to switch you to Bing?
The Federal Communications Commission voted to uphold Net Neutrality today, guaranteeing either that Internet Service Providers can’t charge content providers different rates to transmit their data, or possibly that Freedom is Dead Forever, again. House Speaker John Boehner didn’t exaggerate the seriousness of the vote a single bit: Read more on FCC Approves Obama’s Secret Plan To Keep Internet Pretty Much The Same…
  He Won't Be Lured Into Taking AP History

Wingnuts Fall In Viral Love With 12-Year-Old Who Knows Obama Hates America

He seems nice
Meet fresh new viral sensation CJ Pearson, a Georgia middle-schooler who is all over the Wingnuttosphere this week because he has the courage to say that Rudy Giuliani is absolutely right: Barack Obama does not love America. Unlike the former New York mayor, CJ — if he’s not going to use periods between his initials on his YouTube page, then neither will we — doesn’t get into any of Giuliani’s arcane stuff about how Obama was “raised differently from you and me,” possibly because CJ wasn’t raised by a low-level Mob enforcer. Read more on Wingnuts Fall In Viral Love With 12-Year-Old Who Knows Obama Hates America…
  This does NOT mean wingnuts are just like ISIS

ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!

Ha ha ha, sometimes there are Serious News Headlines that just make a person fall into fits of LOL-giggles, and Talking Points Memo has served one up! We were just clicking through our Facebook, or maybe our news reader, we cannot remember, we were drinking, and saw the news that “ISIS Bans Teaching Evolution In Schools.” Extremist terrorist Muslims and wingnut Christians, they are just like us each other! Read more on ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!…
  How I Learned To Start Worrying Again

Arkansas State Senator: Liberals Love ISIS So Much They Don’t Even Want Nuclear War

EEEEEeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaw
Arkansas state Sen. Jason Rapert posted an excellent idea to the Facebook for how to beat ISIS once and for all: Just nuke them! What could possibly go wrong? After all, everyone agrees that they’re evil and need to be stopped, so Let’s Drop The Big One Now! Here’s his post — or at least his original version of the post: Read more on Arkansas State Senator: Liberals Love ISIS So Much They Don’t Even Want Nuclear War…
  If Obama hadn't done it none of this would be a problem

GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare

The other day we introduced you all to our new favorite people, the World Net Daily-style commenters recruited as plaintiffs in the latest Republican lawsuit to destroy Obamacare forever and ever. The case is called King v. Burwell, and it’s a complex lawsuit, but let’s try to spell it out: Under the Affordable Care Act, subsidies are provided to qualifying people in order to help them pay for their insurance, and they are provided by state insurance exchanges, and in states that were too lazy/wingnut to set up said exchanges, the federal government handles the subsidies. Read more on GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare…
  Ecce Jocko Homo

Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico

Now write it down a hundred times. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Here’s a sweet little story of Democracy in Action. A bright eighth grader writes to her state legislator with an idea for a law: Vermont doesn’t have an official Latin motto, so why not adopt one? And for that matter, make it a reference to history? Neato! Read more on Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All

He'd be easier to find if he wore a striped sweater
Rachel Maddow closed Wednesday’s show with an update to the story that got rightwing religious wacakloon Bryan Fischer fired (or at least demoted) from his job as spokesman for the American Family Association. You see, the AFA was paying for some 60 members of the Republican National Committee, including its chairman, Reince Priebus, to take a free trip to Israel, because fundagelicals just love Israel so much, what with it being an essential component of the End Times. Read more on Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All…
  Somehow Forgot To Leave Out A Bowl Of Communion Wafers

Muslim Texans Singing (American) National Anthem Shouted Down By The *Real* Patriots

She seems nice
Thursday was “Texas Muslim Capitol Day,” an annual event held to encourage Muslim Texans to visit the state capitol in Austin and learn about state government and how to meet with lawmakers and such. Which means, of course, that a few Patriotic TexAmericans decided that the Muslims were taking over the Capitol so they can CRAM SHARIA LAW DOWN ARE THROATS!!!1!! There were angry protestors out on the statehouse lawn, and state Rep. Molly White left this important message on her FacePlaceSpace: Read more on Muslim Texans Singing (American) National Anthem Shouted Down By The *Real* Patriots…
  Dogs & Cats Reportedly Living Together In Open Defiance Of God

Ted Cruz’s Dad: Good Christians Must Fight Against Transgender Use Of Bathrooms, Or Else

Not that Raphael?
Ted Cruz’s wackaloon father, fundamentalist preacher Rafael Cruz, warned on Tuesday that bans on discrimination against LGBT Americans would inevitably lead to unisex locker rooms, rampant crime by sexual predators, and probably the criminalization of Christianity — the usual load of bollocks. Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dad: Good Christians Must Fight Against Transgender Use Of Bathrooms, Or Else…
  Always Support The Troops Except When You Shouldn't

Bowe Bergdahl May Be Charged With Desertion, We Should Probably Kill Him Either Way

Get ready for the shitstorm, Part Two
Get ready for some exploding conservative heads: Bowe Bergdahl, the POW returned to America last year after a swap for Taliban prisoners, will be charged with desertion for walking off his base in Afghanistan in 2009, according to unnamed defense officials who spoke to NBC: Read more on Bowe Bergdahl May Be Charged With Desertion, We Should Probably Kill Him Either Way…
  Revised Revisionist History

Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Fox News wasted no time in repackaging the news that the Justice Department is not expected to file civil rights charges against Darren Wilson in the killing of Michael Brown, according to a report in the New York Times, into an astonishingly distorted pack of lies about Ferguson. Yes, we know you’re shocked. Read more on Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)…
  The Old Man And The C-Minus

Sundays With The Christianists: Ernest Hemingway Will Lure You To Hell Or Key West

That desk makes us feel better.
Is Ernest Hemingway still a big deal? We guess he’s still a big deal, still in anthologies and literature classes, although his hyper-macho manly creed of manliness makes for pretty easy parody. He’s certainly a big deal to rightwing radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson, who lets Hemingway carry half the burden of representing all of 20th-century literature in his premature report on the death of Western civilization, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West (the other representative of the century is John Steinbeck, who we’ll get to next week). Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Ernest Hemingway Will Lure You To Hell Or Key West…
  Mostly True With Some Stretchers

Sundays With The Christianists: Satan Done Wrote ‘Huckleberry Finn’

More proof of his apostacy!
We’re beginning to get the feeling that Kevin Swanson, the Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate, doesn’t like America very much. Just maybe. His ebook Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West is mostly a rant about how America would be a much better place if only it were post-Reformation Europe, or at the very least if it were Puritan New England before they allowed in all those Quakers and voted for Dukakis. Mark Twain sits at the top of Swanson’s Public Intellectual Enemies list, because, as Swanson says, Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Satan Done Wrote ‘Huckleberry Finn’…
  Pudd'nhead Swanson

Sundays With The Christianists: Mark Twain Was Really Unfair To Slavery In ‘Huckleberry Finn’

Leviticus warns about this
We’ll give Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling maven Kevin Swanson some credit: the guy has Big Ideas, and in his ebook Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, he’s not afraid to make bold claims. His goal, after all, is to prove that Western civilization has been in decline ever since Thomas Aquinas started letting pagan Aristotelian logic into his theology, and that virtually every aspect of what people think of as our culture is really an attack on the Bible, which is our real culture. So maybe it’s no surprise that when it comes to slavery, the central sin of American history,  Swanson explains that the worst thing about it was that America didn’t do slavery in the way the Bible intended. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Mark Twain Was Really Unfair To Slavery In ‘Huckleberry Finn’…