wingnuts
New Children’s Book Explains Why Heather’s Two Mommies Will Burn Forever In Hell
OK, so much for that “nice time” crap. Here’s a happy little children’s book to “sensitively” explain to children, “with love and compassion,” why God gets really, really worked up about whose genitals are allowed to touch, and why such limited touching must only happen inside a heterosexual marriage. It must be an excellent book, [...]
Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook That Explains Science Is Mostly Atheists Making Things Up
You know what’s compelling about creationists? They are awfully good at making incredulity seem like science: “Evolution is like believing that a tornado in a junkyard could build a 747″ and so on. Which means that we’re in for one last look at our tenth-grade science textbook, Biology for Christian Schools, by William S. “Stop [...]
Butthurt Christians Oppressed By Sports Thing That Never Happened
You know what’s outrageous? The way that Christians are constantly being oppressed in this country! Like for instance how a high school track team in Texas had its win taken away and was disqualified from going to the state championship, all because the winning runner in the 4X100 meter relay, Christian athlete Derrick Hayes, pointed [...]
Sarah Palin Leads ‘Not Sure’ By 8 Points For 2014 Alaska Senate Race
So what if she’s not actually running (yet), and maybe she spends most of her time in Arizona these days, but if she wants the job, a new poll shows bitter quitter Sarah Palin leading the contenders for the 2014 GOP Senate nomination in Alaska. The poll, sponsored by some Tea Party fan fiction club [...]
The Blaze Just Asking: Did Imam’s One Weird Prayer Damn Navy Seals To Hell At Their Own Funeral?
You guys should go take a look at Ana Marie Wossername’s thinky piece about how the wingnut media doesn’t seem to have learned a damn thing from the failure of its “Obama Is Evil” narrative in the 2012 election. It’s pretty good, and we think this writer has a lot of potential. But we honestly [...]
March Of Armed Lunatics On Nation’s Capital To Be ‘Well-Choreographed,’ Thank Heavens
Everyone knows that literally the only thing wrong with America is that we are racist against guns. This deficiency of our national character has proved vexingly difficult to correct, even with all the flattering press guns have been enjoying lately. But that’s all about to change, because nutty radio-man Adam Kokesh is the MLK your [...]
Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook With Dinosaurs On Noah’s Ark
Greetings, heathen scum! Are you ready for more Bible Science? Get your rubber gloves on, because we’re continuing our dissection of a textbook from Bob Jones University Press, Biology For Christian Schools, by William S. Pinkston. Last week, we learned about the very scientific theory of the “canopy” of water that floated above the atmosphere, [...]
Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away
Big news, everyone! No, not this stupid WND story about an attempt to appeal a birther lawsuit to the Alabama Supreme Court — that’s not especially surprising, and as always, birthers can go drink a dick. The really big news is that birthers have finally Frank Luntzed their branding: apparently the preferred nomenclature is now [...]
Louie Gohmert: Boston Bombings Happened Because Eric Holder Gay-Married To Islam
Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Lookatmee), clearly worried that he was no longer on the leading edge of crazed paranoia, suggested today that Attorney General Eric Holder allowed Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to be read his Miranda rights not because Tsarnaev is a U.S. Citizen entitled to certain rights under the Constitution, but because Holder [...]
1 in 5 Pennsylvania Science Teachers In Evolution Survey Seem Confused About This ‘Science’ Stuff
So, we don’t know just how worried to be about this thing: the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sent a questionnaire to 106 science teachers in Pennsylvania, and we’re not sure whether we should be a little freaked out that 19% of those responding said they believed in creationism and 13% believed in “intelligent design,” or if we [...]
Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook For A Very Young Earth
Greetings, Science buffs! Get some pants on already! And maybe some hip boots, because we’re going to continue wading through our tenth-grade textbook from Bob Jones University Press, Biology For Christian Schools by William “Pinkie Pie” Pinkston. Last time, we learned how evolutionary theory fits into Satan’s plot to make Man reject God’s Word. This [...]
Marsha Blackburn Wants To Know If Boston Bombers Had Obamaphones, Because That’s An Awesome Question
As part of the Tea Party’s relentless campaign to make us all dumber, the new right-wing meme is that, hey, since the Tsarnaev family was on welfare at a couple of points, maybe they also had Obamaphones! Ghost Breitbart (no link, ever) jumped in with a piece pointing out that the FCC “refused to answer” [...]
Serious Scientist Man Explains That Gay Marriage Will Kill You Worser Than Smoking
We received an important press release from Dr. Paul Cameron, who is a Very Important Scientist with a Ph.D. and everything. Somehow, we had never heard of him until he, acting as his own PR flack, emailed our benevolent Editrix, but he really is quite a piece of work — there aren’t a lot of [...]
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