Wonkette

Hillary Clinton’s love of wine has been widely chronicled in photographs and in print. Now an incendiary article published in the New York Times over the weekend suggests that her staff members have been running around drunk as lords as they try to drink away the pain of a faltering candidacy… MORE »

* “Thank you, thank you, thank you so much to my lovely neighbors. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated the full-blast top 40 radio playing all night long. Yes, the banging on the wall was my little way of telling you to ‘crank that shit up’. No one sings a lullaby quite like Sean Paul. You know what else I love about you? Your screaming children. Temper tantrums and incessant running around are other sounds I love to attempt sleep to. They are special, those kids. Why, just the other day they told me they would call the police on me for smoking cigarettes. Aw. So precious.” [Journey to Self-Improvement]
* “The DC Firefighters Association decided to fuck WASA’s noise by checking the hydrants themselves. The results are hilarious. And by ‘hilarious’ I mean ‘life threatening.’” [why.i.hate.dc]
* “Sometimes Exxon’s gas stations are the most convenient, but we all need to remember that if we buy Exxon, we are buying into lies when we could buy from other companies that are working hard to provide us with eco-friendly alternatives and bring an end to global warming.” [Converstaions With Mud]
* Four founders of the World Adult Kickball Association are suing the local kickball head honcho because they play games for money. “The complaint alleges that Rabasa’s league, DCKickball, violated copyright law by using the same kickball rules that WAKA and every third grader since caveman times uses.” [City Desk]
* “The thing about buying wine is that you’re not drunk yet when you’re doing it. This makes it rather difficult to grab whatever rot gut is cheapest and go on your merry way because your unaddled brain allows reason to cloud your judgment: ‘If this bottle is only $2.95,’ you say to yourself, ‘there’s a good likelihood it contains something I would rather not drink, like antifreeze. Or goat urine.’” [A Portable Snack]

* Baristas from Murky Coffee and Tryst took 1st and 4th in some sort of Mid-Atlantic/Northeast contest. [DCist]
* You know that valet bike parking we mentioned in To Do? Well, WABA needs volunteers. [WABA]
* “There are two visions for our public schools emerging now in the District — two camps: One is saying, ‘Mayor, Order Those Schools To Be Good!’ The other is saying, ‘Mayor, It Takes a Village, Not a King.’ Though you wouldn’t know it by reading the Washington Post, more and more people are joining the second camp and are speaking out against the mayor’s proposal to take the public schools from the public.” [Sam Smith's City Desk]
* “So don’t waste this incredible opportunity, D.C. If Georgetown wins tomorrow, and especially Monday, don’t hold back. Flood the streets. Overturn some cars. Light a few fires. Those really nice stores along M Street, with their large windows? Perfect for looting.” [The DC Universe]
* Second-date ideas, including Tallula which has a “prix fixe wine and dinner tasting menu. It’s five courses of perfect pairings and for only about $75 per person, including tip …. The wine manager comes to the table to introduce the wine before each course and you get a little sheet of paper to jot down notes about the wines. Oh, and they tailor it for beginners, intermediate, and advanced.” [The DC Concierge]

* Making dumb art with your ex’s emails and getting sued. [DC Art News]
* TJ’s. [Lemon Gloria]
* “When you placed your order last Sunday for a total of four bottles to ship to Washington DC, I didn’t realize at the time that DC has a shipping restriction whereby we can only ship one bottle per month to an address. Therefore, we cannot ship your order from Ridge.” [Cut DC Taxes]
* Delicious Tastee Diner only slightly diminished by otherwise generic development in Silver Spring. [Silver Spring Daily Photo]
* “What’s worse, it suggests history.” [Grierson Huffman]

America’s craziest Founding Father was born on this day back in Seventeen Hundred and Six in Boston. Benjamin Franklin loved wine, physics, France, string quartets, vulgarity and all the ladies. He was also a pretty good cartoonist and authored what is remembered as the very first American political cartoon: a chopped-up snake that was somehow supposed to encourage the 13 colonies to get it together against the French colonists and American Indians to the west.

It is safe to say Franklin would’ve been named an Enemy Combatant by the current administration. “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety,” wrote the good doctor in his 1759 Historical Review.

Come learn more weird stuff about America’s Number One celebrity of the mid-eighteenth century, after the jump.

MORE »

A Wonkette operative down in Fort Pierce, Florida — soon to be renamed “Foleyville” — brings us the most authorative report on the Page Fucker’s drinking. MORE »

• After a bum fight, have a little bum wine. This guide to what the homeless drink will help you slum with discretion. [Catch Up Lady]
• But, Terri Schiavo was a great political issue. Kirk Fordham just calls ‘em like he sees ‘em. [DC Urban Family]
• “Dear Virginia Office of Tourism… Please specify what kind of lovers Virginia is for.” [An OC Girl Living in an Extraordinary World]
• Barbra Streisand has big fake nails, works Bush impersonator into her tour in homage to Mad TV. [Gayest Editor Ever]
• “The most amazing thing happened this week. I got another picture of my kids hugging each other and smiling at the camera.” [Sarah and the Goon Squad]