Ha ha, now that there will be tons of babies running around DC thanks to Mr. Stupak and his coathanger-friendly amendment, women should start indulging in food that they won’t be able to eat while preggers, including sushi. And thankfully, DC is a city full of raw fish establishments. MORE »

Ha ha, do you have the pig AIDS, because just about everyone in DC has it! Have you sneezed or coughed at all in the last decade? Then it’s definitely the pig AIDS, and you shouldn’t touch anyone, especially small children or old dying people, because you could kill them. There’s no Tamiflu left, oh well, but there are plenty of places in the District where you can get comfort foods that should help make your impending death by swine a bit more bearable. MORE »

So so many ethical quandaries this week! Should “we” “forgive” Michael Vick for being a dog-tortoruing sociopath, because he paid his debt to society? Should “we” continue to patronize a food store whose CEO — a man whose douchebaggery was well-established years ago — recently revealed an unpalatably conservative bent vis-a-vis the topic of heatlhcare? These are important questions. MORE »

• Were you at Netroots Nation? Your Wonkette was not invited. But Matt Yglesias was, and he spoke on every panel covering every imaginable topic: Afghanistan, climate change, tax policy, amateur dentistry, LOLcats — everything. [Matt Yglesias]
• “First Obama’s brownshirts came for the old people, but I was not an old person, so I said nothing. Then they came for Glenn Beck, but I was not Glenn Beck, so I did nothing. Then when they came for me, there was no one left to stand up for me.” [RedState]
• There’s an old saying, on Wikiquotes, that “nothing is certain in life except death, taxes, and Matt Taibbi’s weekly anal probing of Goldman Sachs” (Mark Twain). Well guess what? [Matt Taibbi]
• Barack Obama is going fishing, for cigarettes, in Montana. What will this slimeball do to Trig Palin next? [NYT/The Caucus]

• EAT A BAG OF LOW-FAT NUTRIENT-DENSE DICKS, JOHN MACKEY: The CEO of Whole Foods is a big fan of Ayn Rand, did you know that? Which explains why his solution to America’s healthcare crisis is for people to quit being so goddamn lazy and eat more healthy vegetables, which are easily procured for $4.99 a pound at Whole Foods! Meanwhile, a study shows that people on food stamps get fatter because you cannot buy healthy $4.99-a-pound vegetables when you are on food stamps. [Wall Street Journal, Science Daily]

Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of life and we would never pass judgment on such a meaningful occasion. You have our word. Some grocery stores and shops, however, are noticing the pleasure DCers derive from happy hours, and are using the term to signify evening discounts on their products. Has our beloved activity been co-opted? MORE »

* The CVS at the Starburst intersection was robbed, causing an elderly woman to faint. [Frozen Tropics]
* Spot the Nazi bus and Eva Braun will poop on your chest. [Mayhem By Miss M]
* Best tender breasts aren’t even on the menu anymore. Get in the know. [The DC Concierge]
* Shutdown Day 2007. OMGROTFLOL. [The View from Dupont]
* New Whole Foods in Fairfax has wine tasting bar, five gourmet restaurants and fashion beers. One of only two “concept” locations. [Go Clipless]

• MD Lt. Gov. hospitalized by 19-year-old girl. [AP via FOX]
• Whole Foods: Yuppie pimp yenta. [IAAL]
• TSA keeps DC safe from pork. [HTBSFP]
• New urbanism vs. COOL BIG SHINY FIRE TRUCKS. [WaPo]

MORE »

* Inside the Beltway: White House pool report notes the “appropriate droppings” of the Easter Bunny. . . Rep. Rob Simmons (R-Conn.) receives a letter from PETA after choking on meat during a fundraiser. [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Jenna Bush was spotted with boyfriend Henry Hager at the Clarendon Whole Foods on Easter Sunday. [NYDN]

A helpful operative/Stickhead sent in this snap of Whole Foods jumping on the Butterstick bandwagon:

We’re the last ones to complain about appropriating the Stick’s mindbending adorableness for commercial purposes, but: Why such a sad Stick? It’s emotional blackmail! We can sort of hear what he’s saying: “Eat these macaroon before the bad people eat me.” MORE »