Tag Archives: white trash

  sexy parties

Healthcare Lobbyists To Throw Smashing ‘White Trash’ Party

STRATEGIC HEALTH CARE is a noble health care lobbying firm “working at the intersection of health care and government — widely respected for our expertise in congressional and regulatory matters, health policy analysis and solutions, CMS pilots and demos, federal grants development, managed care contracting and association management.” And that’s why it is holding a Capitol Hill “White Trash Reception” on July 19. “Hey y’all – get gussied up in your Sunday jorts, mullets, and fullets and come on down to the White Trash Reception,” this invitation that’s flying around the Hill reads. “Grab some suds and grub with Strategic Health Care!” Read more on Healthcare Lobbyists To Throw Smashing ‘White Trash’ Party…
  orange death monster crooks

Tanning Machine Cancer Industry Sends Big Bucks To Boehner

People who are not Sarah Palin and/or “Snooki” may not understand the importance the Indoor Tanning Industry plays in making people look like wrinkled, rotten oranges with melanoma, but weeping boozebag would just be a bright red nose on a bloated clown face if not for the magic of the tanning beds down at the strip mall next to the “Cheap Smokes” shop. That’s why he’s happy to take the Indoor Tanning Industry’s big money to make sure burnt orange trailer trash Americans retain their White American rights to turn into cancer-ridden Medicare charity cases. Read more on Tanning Machine Cancer Industry Sends Big Bucks To Boehner…
  post-racism today

Ohio Woman Says ‘Whites Only’ Pool Sign She Put Up Merely ‘Historical’

What are the racist loonballs up to in …let’s see, Ohio this time? Sure, why not give Arizona a quick break? Antiques-collecting landlord lady Jamie Hein of Cincinnati is apparently the sort of person who came to mind when someone wanted to gift a 1931 sign from Alabama that reads “Public Swimming Pool, White Only.” Luckily enough, she found a perfect place to hang it! On the gate to her pool, right after the African-American daughter of one of her tenants went swimming in it. No big deal, she said, because “I’m not a bad person. I don’t have any problem with race at all. It’s a historical sign.” HMMM. Isn’t “history” more like the precise reason why this was a bad idea? Read more on Ohio Woman Says ‘Whites Only’ Pool Sign She Put Up Merely ‘Historical’…
  just like MLK jr.

Sarah Palin Honors Vets With Photo Of Herself On A Motorcycle

Happy Memorial Day! It is time to honor America’s War Heroes, meaning Sarah Palin. America’s favorite snowbilly grifter showed up Sunday at “Rolling Thunder,” a non-partisan organization which raises awareness of veterans’ issues through the display of motorcycles that run on Muslim-Arabian fuel. Palin attracted a crowd of rally-goers eager to honor Sarah’s service in foreign wars, we guess. Sadly, she didn’t get to make a speech thanking these people for honoring her terrible sacrifices, so instead she just scrawled the words “justice rolls” on her hand in ink. Is this biker-gang humor? Read more on Sarah Palin Honors Vets With Photo Of Herself On A Motorcycle…
  email of the day

Brave Patriot Complains To Wonkette Re: ‘blacks, mexicans, whit trash’

As always with the very special emails to your Wonkette, tonight’s gem offers no particular point of reference. We can assume it’s a generalized response to this or that post about income inequality or the nation’s biggest corporations evading all taxation, but assumptions are never wise when dealing with a teatard on the Hotmail. Are you ready for some random capitalization and rows of furious question marks and a denunciation of state colleges, for some reason? Read more on Brave Patriot Complains To Wonkette Re: ‘blacks, mexicans, whit trash’…
  republicans in the news

Joe Miller’s Alaska Militia Friend Jailed For Trying To Murder Judges

Scruffy-cheeked Ivy League teabagger Joe Miller lost his crazed bid to become a senator last year, but the sore loser still thinks he’s got a place in politics. But will his ambitions survive his friendship with a 26-year-old white trash militia kid arrested for trying to kill a bunch of judges and cops? Who knows, this is Alaska! Anyway, this child militiaman — apparently the leader of the “Alaska Peacemakers Militia” — allegedly came up with a super-great way to deal with the f’in cops always breathin’ down his neck. It involved a whole lot of shooting and kidnapping and murder and then burning down a house full of other cops, or something. Alaska, everybody! Read more on Joe Miller’s Alaska Militia Friend Jailed For Trying To Murder Judges…
  and she's got a new penis to ride!

Bristol Palin Mumbles Dumbly To Alaska ‘Rock Jocks’

America’s princess, Bristol Palin, did an exclusive phone-in with these two minor-market FM morning show announcers all about the mysteries of her life — and she called in from her Arizona stucco ghetto foreclosure about 50 miles outside of Phoenix, surrounded by garbage and cotton fields and bits of rock, and you can almost see her, in your mind, sitting on the floor of maybe the fourth bedroom, staring vacantly at the broken mini-blinds hanging lopsided over the dusty window, and she’s got a Taco Bell bag on the floor and she’s just chomping on various items (Taco Bun, Double Taco Bun Supreme, Lard Lick, etc.) between her mush-mouth squeak answers to these obsequious dolts on the classic rock station up in Wasilla. Just listen to these brown-nosers, it’s like Sarah drove over there on her quad or whatever before the segment and threatened to saw off their nuts if they didn’t display proper groveling diffidence to this 20-year-old known for getting pregnant once, many years ago, when she was a teen-ager and John McCain was running for president. Read more on Bristol Palin Mumbles Dumbly To Alaska ‘Rock Jocks’…
  arizona + alaska = arkansas

Bristol Palin Won’t Become America’s New Walter Cronkite, After All

Even though she bought some foreclosed stucco dump about an hour from Arizona State University’s “Cronkite School of TeeVee Journamalism,” Bristol Palin is not enrolled at this school, and the people in charge of this television academy in Arizona have told the local media that Bristol has nothing to do with the Cronkite TeeVee School. So, whatever website made this up — TMZ, apparently? — we can all now ignore this spurious and highly unlikely rumor (ha, did Bristol even finish 10th grade?) and go back to laughing at the all-too-typical yet still hilarious story of this unwed teen mom buying a stucco travesty in some edge-city honky tonk Indian Reservation about forty miles outside of Phoenix. Read more on Bristol Palin Won’t Become America’s New Walter Cronkite, After All…
  merry christmas jesus!

Bristol Palin Pays $172,000 Cash For Foreclosed Tract House In Arizona

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the exciting news that 20-year-old Bristol Palin — known for getting pregnant as a teenager and not knowing how to dance at all — has bought a house! Hooray, Bristol! Times are tough for everyone, but somehow she scraped up $172,000 from under Sarah’s burrito wrappers on the couch and now Bristol is the proud (?) owner of some utterly random foreclosed tract house in some abandoned Arizona exurb. We cannot even begin to make sense of this. Read more on Bristol Palin Pays $172,000 Cash For Foreclosed Tract House In Arizona…
  american dirt

Busted Lawn Chair & Toilet Bucket Represent Obama, America

While nothing can compete with the most famous photograph of America 2010, Wonkette operative “Jeff S.” claims he took this picture at a NASCAR homeless encampment, and that he “thought the guy was making an interesting point.” Uhh, sure! When the teabagger’s lard ass finally bursts through the bottom of the five-year-old WalMart lawn chair, it will be worth more than Barack Obama (in real terms). But what about voting? Read more on Busted Lawn Chair & Toilet Bucket Represent Obama, America…
  holy crap

LIFE WITH THE VULGAR CRETIN PALINS: “I was like, ‘Mom, Mom.’ I was bawling my eyes out. She was like, ‘What’s wrong?’ And I was like, ‘I’m pregnant.’ And she was like ‘Oh my God. Holy crap.'” [Political Wire/Harper’s Bazaar] Read more on …
  gah!

Can You Guess the Identity of This Monster?

Wonkette operative “Kris” wants you to have nightmares forever and ever, until you jump out of your (first floor) window and, uh, sprain your ankle. So she flipped over our gross picture of Sarah Palin’s tattooed-on lipstick, and, well …. Enjoy it! Read more on Can You Guess the Identity of This Monster?…
  no foreigners!

Sarah Palin Has Special Rules For Media Coverage of Her Mall Appearance

Famous dingbat Sarah Palin continues her exciting Publicity Tour of Middle America, and pretty soon she’ll be at the famous Giant Shopping Mall of Minnesota. Interested in covering her appearance? Well if you are, there’s a good chance you’re some kind of “reporter” or “communist.” What’s that? You speak the French? Then kindly go the fuck back to Russia because this is an AMERICAN event, for AMERICANS. Also, no questions or anything. Just watch her, quietly, for 10 minutes, and then get OUT come on this woman has books to sell! Read more on Sarah Palin Has Special Rules For Media Coverage of Her Mall Appearance…
  sexytime at applebee's

Dinner With Sarah & Todd Palin! Bidding Starts At Just $25,000 On eBay

If you’ve ever dreamed of joining four other random slobs for a very sexy dinner with Sarah Palin and her snowmobile stoner husband Todd, next Tuesday is your lucky day! Maybe. That’s when you can start bidding on the eBay for a special group-food-eating occasion with some unemployed woman in Alaska who — for reasons not even Republicans pretend to understand — was a media celebrity for a few months last year. Read more on Dinner With Sarah & Todd Palin! Bidding Starts At Just $25,000 On eBay…
  gross people from the past

Scumbag Has-Been John Edwards Maybe About To Admit To Fathering That Poor Baby

From his teevee-anchor dyed & blow-dried hair to his repulsive stucco fortress on a million acres of North Carolina scraped dirt, everything about the ambulance-chasing personal injury attorney has always cried FRAUD, but the most disgusting part about Edwards was his phony public displays of fucky love for his poor (yet fantastically rich) old wife, who always has cancer. Read more on Scumbag Has-Been John Edwards Maybe About To Admit To Fathering That Poor Baby…
  america's first family

Famous Marriage Expert Levi Johnston Says Palins Have Marriage Troubles

Alaskan teen Levi Johnston is famous for banging one of Sarah Palin’s daughters in Sarah Palin’s house in a special fuck room Sarah Palin created for the children, and ever since America has turned to Young Mr. Levi for tawdry details of the Palin Lifestyle. The latest, from some awful celebrity shit site: Todd and Sarah got some terrible marriage problems! Read more on Famous Marriage Expert Levi Johnston Says Palins Have Marriage Troubles…