Wonkette

Here is more of Tim Russo’s scary movie about the GOP’s shrinking base: angry unemployed white people who gather in small groups to chant weird things about the opposition candidate, because he’s black. MORE »

Some mysterious ladies in Wasilla sent us a Creepy Rumor a few weeks ago about Sarah Palin’s infamous lipstick, which is not lipstick on a pig (which is sexist), but lipstick used to distinguish a “hockey mom” from a murderous trailer-park dog who eats children. The rumor: It’s not even lipstick on Palin’s smug, dumb face. It’s a white-trash tattoo that is tattooed on the mouth, yuck. Well, the mystery has yet to be solved, etc., but it has at least inspired a fun photo quiz game thing so you can waste a few moments of your doomed life trying to figure out if this tattoo rumor is maybe true. Ugh. [Huffington Post]

Alaskan moron Sarah Palin spends all her time in a tanning bed, listening to Van Halen (the Sammy Hagar version) and making up idiot new names for her next babies. But what if you had been born to the vice president of tattoo parlors? Your editor, for example, would’ve been named “Crunk Petrol Palin.” [Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

We told you how John McCain offered up his “old lady” to the biker mob at Sturgis, and then we showed you the awkward video, but now we must present this version, which begins with the incredible confession from McCain that he’s only allowed onstage as a warm-up midget for Kid Rock. MORE »

Barack Obama is going to win in Oregon as big as Hillary won in West Virginia, but it will count for twice as many delegates. Also, he won the nomination. Still, he has to keep campaigning because Hillary will never ever quit the race, so he had to do this depressing Q&A with one of the “alt-weekly” papers in Portland. If you thought alt-weeklies were the last refuge of aging grunge losers, this interview really isn’t going to change your view. MORE »

People who go to Tanning Salons are poor white trash, according to some dingbat website we’ve never encountered before just now. Elitists say the tanning craze was briefly “in” with the wealthy people in like 1958 and again in spring of 1992, but that was all, ever, and throughout history having a “suntan” just meant you spent all your time outside doing hard labor. “There is no easier way to tell that someone is white trash than by whether he or she has a tan,” some self-proclaimed Beauty Expert told this website. What other ways do poor, bitter people broadcast their socio-economic status to their Elitist Betters? The answers might surprise you! MORE »