Tag Archives: white people

  good cop bad cop red cop blue cop

Bay Area Cop Threatens To Shoot Everybody Who Thinks Their Lives Matter

Here's how to not get shot kids: don't irritate me with your
Police officers often claim that their aggressive posture and liberal use of deadly force is just an inevitable and sadly necessary part of the difficult job they do. But one San Jose police officer seems very eager to do extrajudicial killing on his own time. Call ‘em extrajudicial extracurricular killings. Read more on Bay Area Cop Threatens To Shoot Everybody Who Thinks Their Lives Matter…
  Some People Just Don't Belong

Rich White Bay Area Community Pretty Sure Little Brown Girl Doesn’t Belong There

The adorable 7-year-old in question, with her Justin Bieber doll.
California is home to the Bradley effect, so in a way, this story shouldn’t surprise us. Nonetheless, this tale is impressive for its imaginative completeness. It is a fully realized vision of the extent to which privileged white people can be horrible, how complaints don’t matter unless they’re registered by the right people, and how public shaming can still work. The story takes place in Orinda, CA, once named the second-friendliest town in America by Forbes. It was originally reported by Inside Bay Area: Read more on Rich White Bay Area Community Pretty Sure Little Brown Girl Doesn’t Belong There…
  have a herpy derpy christmas

Derp Roundup: Special Christmas Edition

Happy Sacred Baby Festival to all you Wonkers! Hope you’ve had as much festivity as you can handle, and perhaps more.* And now, for some Happy Holiderp: a roundup of seasonal stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a whole post of their own. We recommend that you treat it like dollar-store eggnog: add enough liquor, and you just won’t mind the taste anymore. Our first tale of Christmas cheer comes from Lake City, Florida, where the Columbia City Seventh-Day Adventist Church had a “drive through Nativity” scene with more than just a manger. It also depicted other parts of the Gospel accounts, like King Herod’s slaughter of the Innocents — the attempt to knock off Baby Jesus by killing all boys under the age of two. A local mom complained that the display, with decapitated dolls and fake blood everywhere, left her two-year-old daughter seriously freaked out: “as we pulled up further, they were depicting decapitating babies and that happened to be on the side of the vehicle that my 2 year old was on and it was very traumatic for her she started crying and screaming because of the baby and it took me hours to calm her down.” Hey, it’s in the Bible, so it’s suitable for all ages, lady. You have a problem with the Bible? Extra points to the doofus local teevee reporter for describing the display as “historically accurate,” but all points lost for their not including any video of the actual display. No photos appear to be online either, so instead we’ll just link to an appropriate song. Read more on Derp Roundup: Special Christmas Edition…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid

Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren’t worth a full post on their own, but too stoopid to ignore altogether. Then we serve up the resulting sludge up for you to choke down as best you can (Protip: Add liquor). Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid…
  They Did the Derpy Mash

Derp Roundup: Special All Hallows’ Eve Edition

Hey-ho, Wonkerinos and Wonkerinas! Here we are at the day before Halloween, and as usual, some people are just cold insisting on celebrating the coming holiday by hanging bats in their belfries. Let’s have a look: Read more on Derp Roundup: Special All Hallows’ Eve Edition…
  chicken fried justice

Paula Deen’s Long National Whitemare Finally Over (Partly)

A federal judge dismissed a racial discrimination suit against Diabeetus Queen Paula Deen Monday, ruling that plaintiff Lisa Jackson, who is white, could not have been harmed by the use of racist epithets in the workplace by Deen and her brother Bubba Hiers (a story which Yr. Wonkette broke back in April 2012). District Court Judge William T. Moore Jr. wrote “There are no allegations that [Deen’s] racially offensive comments were either directed toward plaintiff or made with the intent to harass her.” Presumably, Jackson couldn’t have been harmed by Bubba praising her money management by calling her his “little Jew girl,” either. Moore left in place sexual harassment claims against Deen and her business. It is not anticipated that the fact that Jackson and Deen are both women will be cause for dismissal. Read more on Paula Deen’s Long National Whitemare Finally Over (Partly)…
  fight for your whites

Rush Limbaugh Worries White People Don’t Get Enough Credit For Ending Slavery

Rush Limbaugh has discovered something called “white guilt,” which he apparently believes cripples White America and prevents it from achieving its true potential somehow. And he has a bit of education to lay on all of you white people going around with your heads bowed because of all the White Guilt: Rejoice and be glad, for you are a member of the kindest bravest warmest most generous race ever! In fact, he says, If any race of people should not have guilt about slavery, it’s Caucasians. The white race has probably had fewer slaves and for a briefer period of time than any other in the history of the world. Look, can white people be blamed if they just happened to be the only ones who turned slavery into a semi-industrialized transoceanic enterprise? That’s just a reflection of white people’s relentless drive for excellence! You wouldn’t take that away from them would you? Read more on Rush Limbaugh Worries White People Don’t Get Enough Credit For Ending Slavery…
  it's not racist if other white people say it

Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be Racist As Soon As She Understands What Racism Is

Hey, so after Arctic griftbull Sarah Palin was balls-out racist yesterday, saying Blackrack Obama was committing a “shuck and jive” against white people, she took to Facebook to pen a response to her awful critics. Well, not “pen,” someone else wrote it for her. Someone white. For the record, there was nothing remotely racist in my use of the phrase “shuck and jive” – a phrase which many people have used, including Chris Matthews, Andrew Cuomo, and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to name a few off the top of my head. In fact, Andrew Cuomo also used the phrase in reference to Barack Obama, and the fact that Mr. Cuomo and I used the phrase in relation to President Obama signifies nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, when Cuomo said “You can’t shuck and jive at a press conference. All those moves you can make with the press don’t work when you’re in someone’s living room,” it was racist. This has been your moment of blacksplanation. Read more on Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be Racist As Soon As She Understands What Racism Is…
  the daily bawler

Pollster’s Mean Questions Make Big Tough Conservatives Weep

Public Policy Polling has separated itself from the other polling outfits through one simple trick: Its polls include weird questions. It’s how we found out, for example, that God had a 52-percent approval rating last year, and that only 19 percent of GOP voters polled believed Obama was going to heaven. They are not questions of any dire importance, which is why it’s easy to chuckle at the results and move on to the ones that actually tell us real things. But this time … this time Dean Debnam and company have gone a bridge too far: They asked 979 likely Wisconsin voters how they felt about “conservative media figures.” Bias! Outrage! Somebody have a freakout! Read more on Pollster’s Mean Questions Make Big Tough Conservatives Weep…
  because he is a nazi duh

Obama Holocausting White People With Negative Ads, Bush Cousin Says In Excellent Buzzfeed Piece

Mitt Romney is a really, really, really terrible candidate for president. Rick Santorum tried to warn the Republican party, but with options like “Rick Santorum,” they probably did pick the best of their odd fruits that were on offer. So Barack Obama is talking all kinds of smack and releasing hilarious ads about how awful Mitt Romney is, because this is how politics works, right? WRONG. Bush cousin John Ellis, last seen calling Florida on Election Night 2000, explainers it all for you in this winning column for Buzzfeed, “Can Obama’s ‘Chemical Warfare’ Keep The White Vote Down?” That’s right. Barack Obama is genociding white people — with votes! Or lack of them. By releasing negative ads. Which Mitt Romney would never do, we guess, unless he actually constantly does. Read more on Obama Holocausting White People With Negative Ads, Bush Cousin Says In Excellent Buzzfeed Piece…
  watch out he might poke you

Reverse Racism! Young White Person Unjustly Profiled For Wearing Hoodie

How many times will this tragedy repeat itself? A young person with great potential and maybe a few minor misdeeds in his past tries to go somewhere that he as an American has every right to go. But immediately the small-time powers in that land view him with mistrust, all because he chooses to wear a simple, functional sweatshirt with a hood that some people have wrongly associated with criminality, and maybe now he won’t be able to achieve his lofty goals. Oh, did we mention that this young man is white? Did we just blow your mind, race-pimps? Read more on Reverse Racism! Young White Person Unjustly Profiled For Wearing Hoodie…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where they have to find actual women to do the sexing with them, but in good time, because apparently we are not only a nation of rampant obesity, but also widespread low self-esteem. Well, there is low self-esteem among white people – white women, to be exact, according to a Washington Post Survey which found that “67 percent of black women describe themselves as having high self-esteem, compared with 43 percent of white women.” This same survey also asked women to describe their feelings toward Michelle Obama, to which white women replied, “I do not care for her Bermuda shorts.” Read more on FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem…
  actually almost everyone hates white people

VIDEO: Idiot Michele Bachmann Asks White People, ‘Who Likes White Wet People?’

Who likes white people? Uhh, everybody except for black people and brown people and yellow people, we guess? Also, many actual white people don’t much like white people, having read a history book or two. But Michele Bachmann is here to praise Jesus and His Own Special People, even though he was an Arab. UPDATE: Michele Bachmann actually said she “hates white people” because they’re “subhuman.” YouTube regrets the error. Read more on VIDEO: Idiot Michele Bachmann Asks White People, ‘Who Likes White Wet People?’…
  pizza pizza!

Pizza Man Herman Cain Now GOP’s Favorite Candidate

Republicans are having a very hard time rallying around a potential or real candidate for 2012. They finally realized the following facts this year: Sarah Palin is a widely hated sleazeball crybaby, Donald Trump is an idiot racist crybaby, Mike Huckabee is a pleasantly dumb weekend cable host, that one Mexican governor somewhere is a dope fiend with the hippies, Rick Santorum continues to be stupid and corrupt even by wingnut standards, Michele Bachmann is utterly unknown within her own party and laughed at by the few who’ve heard her misspelled name, Newt Gingrich is still a detestable cretin, Mitt Romney is an anti-Christian Obamacare liberal freakazoid from Taxachusetts, and there’s still no evidence Tim Pawlenty exists. As in many lost-cause campaigns of the past, the Republicans have returned to their classic Hail Mary pass of the 21st Century: Is there some black guy around somewhere who says he’s Republican? Read more on Pizza Man Herman Cain Now GOP’s Favorite Candidate…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Guilty of Letting Black People Visit White House

White America is very concerned about what is happening to the White House these days — key word here being, of course, “white.” Michelle Obama has recently been seen in public doing urban dances, and even invited some sort of gang member to the White House for a poetry reading/cop-killing brainstorming party. Many Americans are under the impression that at this rate, Tyler Perry will soon have an office in the West Wing to share with the Black Panthers, or the Crips. They are all the same thing, right? What exactly is Michelle up to? Read more on Michelle Obama Guilty of Letting Black People Visit White House…
  going postal

Mailman Poops On America

Haha, the guy thought the mailman “had a bunch of packages for us.” Well, the mailman did have a bunch of packages — packages of poop! (Unwrapped.) Read more on Mailman Poops On America…
  breasts in the news

WaPo Newsroom Upset Because Black Lady With Boobs Hosts WaPo Webcast

America’s strangest joke of a newspaper is the Washington Post, an Onion-style bland suburban daily that seems to shrink deeper into itself each morning. With a news section full of utterly random paragraph-sized chunks from yesterday’s washingtonpost.com and a bizarre op-ed section featuring press releases submitted by the offices of politicians and the confused yammerings of senile embarrassments like Richard Cohen, the paper appears to be nothing less than an elaborate satire of Washington’s dull insularity and tunnel vision. But, according to accountants, it’s actually a very real cash drain on the Kaplan for-profit education scam company that owns the WaPo. So we are also subjected to endless humiliating attempts to make the paper “relevant” or “for the YouTube,” and the most recent effort goes where the Washington Post has rarely ventured before: to the black part of town — the black part of town with boobs, in fact. Read more on WaPo Newsroom Upset Because Black Lady With Boobs Hosts WaPo Webcast…
  it's morning in america

Voter Turnout High, White At RNC Secret Ballot Election

The 168 members of the Republican National Committee will cast their secret ballots today to decide who gets to be the next RNC Chair, and exit polls already suggest that Michael Steele lost by a million secret racial slurs. Will the white lady from Missouri win? Or maybe the white guy with the funny name? It’s difficult to say, since all of the candidates who are not Michael Steele are white and love Ronald Reagan and machine gun deregulation. It’s a win-win-win-win-Michael Steele loses! You can probably follow Michael Steele’s Adventures in Unemployment at streetguy.blogspot.com. [AP/The Hill] Read more on Voter Turnout High, White At RNC Secret Ballot Election… Read more on Voter Turnout High, White At RNC Secret Ballot Election…
  it's morning in america

American Voters Demand Traditional White/Hopeless Stasis

A majority of voters in “key battleground states” (continental United States, Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico and Afghanistan) say Barack Obama hasn’t changed a single thing in Washington, and if Obama did change something he probably changed it into horrible Socialism. Good gravy, basically everything Obama touches turns into poo/taxes. Is this what America really believes? Yes, according to some poll! This so-called poll also shows that a majority of “battleground voters” think they are voting to impeach Obama/elect Skoalrebel president in November. They are going to be so confused when they see Barack Obama and a whole bunch of crazy Aqua Racist Masturbation Nazi Witch Buddhists hanging out together, in Washington. [The Hill] Read more on American Voters Demand Traditional White/Hopeless Stasis… Read more on American Voters Demand Traditional White/Hopeless Stasis…