Arkansas Senate Candidate Will Cleanse America of the Un-Christian, Un-American Barack Obama (the President)
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
The last time an Arkansas Republican candidate for Senate made the news, it was for sneeringly referring to Senator Chuck Schumer as a dangerous Jew. But this new guy, he says “I don’t want to do a Kim Hendren,” referring to Kim Hendren, the wingnut Senate hopeful who made the Schumer-Jew remark. And that’s why this new character, Conrad Reynolds, tells the Arkansas Democrat Gazette he needs to be super careful with his answers! These days, it seems like even a harmless watermelon joke will make the headlines! MORE »
Why is Sarah Palin such an epic failure? Because she’s a moron? A racist? A dingbat? A national clown? Well, yes, but experts say the real problem is that she’s the last Republican culture warrior. The old GOP anger-bear army consisted of abortion-obsessed white losers furious over the existence of minorities. And they’re still out there, still angry and still illiterate. But there’s not enough of them to win elections anymore, and the new Great Depression has even knocked some common sense into a few of these people — this year, a lot of bitters sort of cleared the Rove Goo from their eyes and realized being permanently enraged about guns or Mexicans is not really the path to wealth and happiness. 
Two jackasses in SUVs were in traffic leaving a Sarah Palin Klan Rally in Colorado on Monday when one, in a Kia, tried to pull ahead of the guy in the Chrysler. They yelled whatever at each other, then the Chrysler jackass pulled a loaded handgun on the other Palin loser. After he was arrested, the 62-year-old gun nut told the cops he “wanted to be ready for anything.” Jesus fucking christ, we all need to go buy a million guns this weekend, because these dingbats are going to go berserk on Election Night. [
The esteemed, venerable and important New York Times Sunday Magazine this week spends TEN WHOLE INTERNET PAGES speaking from the side of its jaw about this black feller, Obaramasama, and how none of the “real” whites like him really at all. See on the cover there, he’s talking to any white guy in a secret black cave with minimal lighting, and that white guy probably hates his filthy rotten guts. Or something? Oh bollocks, just make a glass of gin with scotch and read this million-word article by the reliable Matt Bai about a subject every magazine has written about fourteen thousand times already. Obama talks about Bittergate and some other stuff. [
People who go to Tanning Salons are poor white trash, according to 
When God decided that fundamentalist Christians would have to be poor and obese, he gave them a consolation prize: Their churches could have tacky letterboard signs out front, just like those equipment rental warehouses out on the frontage road or county highway. These signs are used to share comical slogans with the heathens who race by in their fancy foreign cars with “airbags” and “valid registrations.” One such church in South Carolina recently put up this great message: 
With about a thousand votes counted, Barack Obama is the DESTROYER OF WORLDS with 71% of the vote, followed by Hillary/Bill with 21% and Sad John Edwards with like fourteen votes. What will we learn from all of this? How multi-cultural and bi-racial will the coalition become and what should we make of the dominant African-American electorate and the more diversity compared to … Whoops, sorry, we suddenly just started transcribing whatever horseshit they’re jabbering on Wonkette. Congratulations, South Carolinians! You people are so disenfranchised that only 1% of your vote counts!
Hey, Andy Rooney’s not dead! Who knew? Also, he’s not happy with the all these 
