white people

Hey, so after Arctic griftbull Sarah Palin was balls-out racist yesterday, saying Blackrack Obama was committing a “shuck and jive” against white people, she took to Facebook to pen a response to her awful critics. Well, not “pen,” someone else wrote it for her. Someone white. For the record, there was nothing remotely racist in my [...]

Public Policy Polling has separated itself from the other polling outfits through one simple trick: Its polls include weird questions. It’s how we found out, for example, that God had a 52-percent approval rating last year, and that only 19 percent of GOP voters polled believed Obama was going to heaven. They are not questions [...]

Mitt Romney is a really, really, really terrible candidate for president. Rick Santorum tried to warn the Republican party, but with options like “Rick Santorum,” they probably did pick the best of their odd fruits that were on offer. So Barack Obama is talking all kinds of smack and releasing hilarious ads about how awful [...]

How many times will this tragedy repeat itself? A young person with great potential and maybe a few minor misdeeds in his past tries to go somewhere that he as an American has every right to go. But immediately the small-time powers in that land view him with mistrust, all because he chooses to wear [...]

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where [...]

It is time to enjoy this fantastic “Rick Perry Rap” performance made by a couple of humans (?) in Austin. And, for once, we really have nothing more to say on the subject.

Who likes white people? Uhh, everybody except for black people and brown people and yellow people, we guess? Also, many actual white people don’t much like white people, having read a history book or two. But Michele Bachmann is here to praise Jesus and His Own Special People, even though he was an Arab. UPDATE: [...]

Republicans are having a very hard time rallying around a potential or real candidate for 2012. They finally realized the following facts this year: Sarah Palin is a widely hated sleazeball crybaby, Donald Trump is an idiot racist crybaby, Mike Huckabee is a pleasantly dumb weekend cable host, that one Mexican governor somewhere is a [...]

White America is very concerned about what is happening to the White House these days — key word here being, of course, “white.” Michelle Obama has recently been seen in public doing urban dances, and even invited some sort of gang member to the White House for a poetry reading/cop-killing brainstorming party. Many Americans are [...]

GOING POSTAL  4:41 pm April 18, 2011

Mailman Poops On America

by Ken Layne

Haha, the guy thought the mailman “had a bunch of packages for us.” Well, the mailman did have a bunch of packages — packages of poop! (Unwrapped.)

(Yes.)

America’s strangest joke of a newspaper is the Washington Post, an Onion-style bland suburban daily that seems to shrink deeper into itself each morning. With a news section full of utterly random paragraph-sized chunks from yesterday’s washingtonpost.com and a bizarre op-ed section featuring press releases submitted by the offices of politicians and the confused yammerings [...]

The 168 members of the Republican National Committee will cast their secret ballots today to decide who gets to be the next RNC Chair, and exit polls already suggest that Michael Steele lost by a million secret racial slurs. Will the white lady from Missouri win? Or maybe the white guy with the funny name? [...]

A majority of voters in “key battleground states” (continental United States, Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico and Afghanistan) say Barack Obama hasn’t changed a single thing in Washington, and if Obama did change something he probably changed it into horrible Socialism. Good gravy, basically everything Obama touches turns into poo/taxes. Is this what America really believes? [...]


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