America needs blue balls, not red balls, according to this new video the White House put up today featuring new Obama economic bro Austan Goolsbee. According to their blog, this whiteboard video approach is something they’re going to do from now on, because Americans are dumb and visual aids are the only thing they can [...]
Bob Woodward’s new book, This Obama Guy Did 9/11, will be that thing everybody in Washington buys on Monday even though they read all the sad dirt today in the newspapers. Obama’s own supporters just bitched at him for 10 hours on Monday during a tragic town hall. The economy is probably going to be [...]
When French first lady Carla Bruni spoke with our first lady Michelle Obama in March, demonic secrets were exchanged.
Since the eighth year A.N.E. (After 9/11), Elizabeth Warren has been maybe going to be appointed director of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. But is she going to be appointed it now? Or… now? Probably… now. No, she’s definitely going to be appointed it riiiiight… now. NO. RIGHT NOW. The latest case came this [...]
L’shanah tovah, bitches! Happy Jew Year and all that jazz. Even though it is Rosh Hashish-nah and not Yom Kippur, my estranged lover, Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary, has enacted a Day of Atonement. Today, he’s made a giant gesture to get back into my good graces. He put up my beloved pornographic serial [...]
In mere moments, the hated failure known as Barack Obama will limp out to his lectern and face a hungry, brain-dead press corps(e). How will he prove he loves 9/11 enough to fix the economy when he’s still, quite obviously, a brown person — especially when angry white unemployed underwater midterm voters know in their [...]
Going on vacation is the best time to have one of the rooms in your house redecorated! Putting those words in that order is your key to enraging Americans everywhere, because Americans can not afford “redecoration” or “homes” or “rooms.” But elitist Barack Obama decided that his little trip to Gaysachusetts Island was the perfect [...]
Here is the actual caption to this official White House photograph by Pete Souza: “President Barack Obama is interviewed by Chuck Todd, of NBC News, at Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Mich., July 15, 2010.” Mmhmm, but we only see one person in this picture and it sure isn’t MSNBC poli-nerd Chuck [...]
You know what else can happen in two seconds? FALLING HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR NEW CRUSH RAY LAHOOD. *kawaii* (｡◕‿‿◕｡) Yes, Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood hates teens sexting when they’re driving cars, so he is doing things like sponsoring this viral video CHALLENGE and going to popular teen hangout the Illinois State Fair [...]
Sometimes, even superfans get angry at their favorite auteurs. For example, every time I think about those Star Wars abortionfilms with Hayden Christensen, I get PPSD (post prequel stress disorder) and have rage fits involving visions of Jar Jar eating George Lucas. Last Friday, I was rather incensed at my own favorite director, Official White [...]
The Obama administration is sick of libruls such as Rachel Maddow who dare CRITICIZE them, the librul political party’s presidential administration, when they fail to do important librul things. “I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested,” Robert Gibbs said. (But he is like George Bush, because [...]
You know, I originally pitched this weekly column to Tiger Beat, and they obviously jumped at it. But then I realized that the best place in the world for my devotion to Our Pantymelter in Chief was this reactionary liberal blog for overeducated elitist assholes, which is why Wonkette and I are happy to bring [...]
Remember when the Beatles played for Barack Obama during the Cuban Missile Crisis last month? The White House has finally released the sordid video from this night of Monarchist anti-Americanism, in which “Sir” Paul McCartney said something rude about George Bush Junior, which is just another example of this so-called White House’s rampant racism.
Heroic invisible Internet website Wikileaks.org just released piles of secret U.S. and NATO documents about the decade-long War in Afghanistan, and it’s not a pretty picture. Every grim assumption is confirmed: Our “ally” Pakistan and our “enemy” the Taliban are one and the same, civilians are being massacred by our robot death planes at an [...]
