Chicago crime boss Michelle Obama wasted no time turning the once-pristine White House grounds into a foul “organic garden” filled with marijuana and other arugula. Children from a local elementary school were shipped over in FEMA trailers and forced to sample the “good for you” delicacies. In other words, the first harvest from the Nobama Nationalized Yard Garden was a great success! [Flickr/NYT The Caucus]

President Obama, the consummate host and entertainer, loves to have guests at his fancy DC mansion. But who are these guests, and why do they visit? Are they there for, like, orgies, or to lobby him on “clean coal” technology? A LADY NEVER TELLS. MORE »

Remember when poor street hustler Barack Obama had big old holes in the soles of his Florsheim salesman shoes? Here’s a new arty sex photo by White House pornographer Pete Souza, and the shoe soles maybe have holes, still? Or are the shoes just blurry to fuck with your minds? Or, is America finally officially bankrupt, a terrible The Road hellscape where even the rich young president staggers through life with hobo shoes? (Also, note how he is on the phone with Benjamin Netanyahu, and making the “Bibi’s got a little bitty dick” hand signal.”) [White House Flickr]

Here’s Barack Obama captured in a touching moment of wishing the hell he was somewhere else, maybe piloting a spaceship or eating hamburgers with oceans of dijon or just getting so high on the beach. [White House/Pete Souza]

NBC News is airing some thing tonight and tomorrow night called “INSIDE THE OBAMA WHITE HOUSE: Brian Williams Reports.” It will be just like Jackie Kennedy showing American television viewers her French drapes and knowledge of French literature, but different! NBC wanted two things for this special: several minutes of Ted Kennedy’s Portuguese dog doing cute dog stuff in the hallways, and a few seconds of Rahm Emanuel being mean but not mean-mean. Here’s the latter! The camera crew just stands awkwardly in Rahm’s office, in silence, until finally he tells them GTFO. [MSNBC]

A bunch of kids from Virginia went on a field trip to get a tour of the White House, but they got there late, and the President had a play date with the Pittsburgh Steelers so the White House was closed and all the children cried, which was exactly what he wanted. [NBC Washington]

• BOMB WASHINGTON NOW: “With an impressively straight face, Rep. Steven LaTourette (R-Ohio) walked up to Rahm and said something that began with ‘you mother’ followed by a number of bleeped out expletives, according to eyewitnesses. Emanuel responded by giving LaTourette a friendly punch in the stomach, followed by a handshake.” [Washington Post]

While we do not condone presidential participation in the idiot follies of the White House Correspondents Association Dinner, which should end each year with the detonation of a dozen limo bombs, we have not run any photos this year of the president having diplomatic talks with a comical pirate, so here it is. [Pete Souza/White House]

We were sort of saddened the other day to find Barack Obama’s White House Flickr account pretty much filled with serious-looking sad people having “listening tours” in abandoned offices and warehouses in places like Sacramento. COME ON we see that in real life, every day, not fun. Today, official White House photographer Pete Souza gives us the glamor and style again, with this adorable photograph of Barack’s comical dwarf twin, “Mini Poupon,” giving him a noogie. [Flickr/The Awl]

You know what the White House press corps loves more than anything? Naked abuse of power and ritual humiliation. Here, Robert Gibbs has HAD IT with these motherfucking phones in this motherfucking briefing room, so he forcibly takes the mobile from this poor old guy, who was probably just twittering or getting an emergency call from a loved one, on their death bed. MORE »

TONIGHT, D.C. SPARKLES! “Barack Obama loves our nation’s reporters in D.C. He made jokes about them, but at the end, he proved he cared about America’s Newspapers. This president may be a hero, after all.” [AOL Politics Daily]