Wonkette

After this morning’s speech where George W. Bush called Barack Obama a terrorist/Hitler, Barack Obama responded that this was false, and a Smear. How did “Icy Hot” White House Press Secretary Dana Perino respond then? By telling Barry that they weren’t talking about him, although it makes sense that his narcissistic ass would interpret it that way. MORE »

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF DANA PERINO, SUPERHERO SPOKESLADY From the press gaggle at the White House yesterday afternoon: “Q. I also wanted to ask you about Afghanistan quickly. What is the President’s reaction to the attempt on President Karzai, and doesn’t it raise questions about the stability of the government security forces there? MS. PERINO: Well, I would point back to one thing that the President has said, which is that when you are dealing with terrorists you have to be right 100 percent of the time and they only have to be right once.” Oh sure! Unlike with, say, rapists and car mechanics. [White House]

First they came for our jobs. Then they came for our jobs again. They came for our jobs several times after this. But now the Mexicans are coming for our White House BlackBerries. At a meeting of Canadian, Mexican and U.S. officials this week, a Mexican aide “pocketed” several BlackBerries belonging to the U.S. delegation. Two questions: (1) How did this aide illegally get into the country in the first place? (2) Why didn’t we elect Mitt Romney to stop this illegal behavior? MORE »

The White House is throwing a big fancy special Pope dinner on Wednesday, complete with German Pope food and German birthday cake for “Benedict XVI,” who turns 81 years old that night. But vindictive old pope Joseph Ratzinger refuses to show up, even though he’ll be a few blocks away in Washington that very evening! MORE »

At yesterday’s White House Easter frolic, one very important event went virtually unremarked. Two of the Bush gals read incantations from the ancient Book of Sen-Dak to lull an unsupecting group of smooth-fleshed little ‘uns into a coma. The children were quickly clubbed over the head and hauled back to Cheney’s lair for an “egg hunt.” Terrible photos after the jump. MORE »

Happy Day After Easter, everybody! This is the time of year when Our Christian Nation celebrates the execution of the Middle Eastern insurgent Jesus al-Christ with an ancient pagan fertility festival named for the goddess Eostre. It’s also when the White House once again honors the 50 states by displaying crappy decorated eggs that are somehow representative of the states in question. Hey look it’s a terrible bloated morbidly obese Panda! Guess which “state” goes with this loathsome egg. MORE »

Five million years ago yesterday, the Lord Jesus died for our sins and then came back to say howdy and then went away again. For this very special reason America’s First Lady is hosting an event at the White House, in which the children of the nation roll eggs down a hill and learn about ocean conservation. MORE »

You may have forgotten that George Bush is still the president — and judging from his latest round of African dance parties, it looks like he would also prefer to forget! But this whole “still the president for EIGHT TEN MORE MONTHS” issue leaves White House reporters in a pickle. On the one hand, they’re professionally obliged to cover George W. Bush every time he chokes on a pretzel, bails out a bank, or endorses some loathsome old codger to replace him. On the other hand, the White House beat is so boring these days. MORE »

That “buy a cheeseburger for Cheney” campaign didn’t really work, and the mean old lunatic seems closer than ever to his Viagra-fever dream of nuking Iran before he’s tried and hanged in Paraguay, so what else can people hope might happen to our greatest ever vice president? The liberal New York Times reports that scientists have figured out a way to electrocute Cheney to death from a distance! MORE »

Ha ha, when George W. Bush endorsed John McCain, some guy in the crowd kept shouting at them to hold a conference every week, forever. Bush called him “unruly.” John McCain realized that he should never be in the presence of George W. Bush again.

Oh, hi Mr. President George W. Bush with the 19% approval rating. What the hell are you doing? Maybe the AP photo caption can help us understand your current problem. Here we go: This three-picture combination of photographs shows President Bush dancing on the North Portico of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, March 5, 2008, as he awaits the arrival of Republican presidential nominee-in-waiting, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak). He just can’t stop dancing! Let’s enjoy all the photos of this historic thing that just happened — you know, when Bush Jr. endorsed a tiny little elderly dwarf — after the jump. MORE »

The White House, perhaps impressed with Barack Obama’s success, has plagiarized his greatest asset: plagiarism. Timothy S. Goeglein — a special assistant to President Bush — referenced Eugene Rosenstock-Hussey, an elitist Northeastern ex-professor at Dartmouth College, in a column he penned for the News-Sentinel newspaper. After referencing this guy, Goeglin decided to plagiarize an entire 10-year-old essay someone else had written about Rosenstock-Hussey. Why has Barack Obama not apologized for this? MORE »

It’s been a while since we last checked in on White House press secretary Dana Perino, America’s greatest asset. Do you think she’s learned what the Cuban Missile Crisis was since then? Probably not, since she is not smart. Yesterday’s press briefing took on the FISA surveillance extension — the one that those House Democrats refuse to make exactly into what George W. Bush wants, the traitors. Someone asked Dana if the Republicans were maybe going overboard by saying the Democrats’ stubbornness puts America at grave risk, since intelligence agencies can still “spy” and then get retroactive warrants. Dana responds that she knows nothing about the law. MORE »

Very old consumer advocate Ralph Nader launched a third-party bid for the presidency again today, bringing a swift end to corporate welfare queens across America. Wear yr seatbelts! MORE »