The Politico has been goin’ around the Internet telling people that America’s beloved Enemies List, where you could sign up your friends for free torture sessions in Bagram — the greatest birthday gift of all — is dead. Your Wonkette has verified this. There is now some website called “Reality Check,” which is just Andrew Sullivan’s blog. First the pubic option, now the Enemies List… by tomorrow morning, he’ll have repealed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. [Politico]

Barack’s got the ‘puter all to himself! What will he do? Order pizza? Play some sort of online fighting game? Leave more hilarious comments on RonPaulForums.com? Check out his fancy Chicago ‘hood on Zillow to see how much his neighbors’ houses have dropped in value? Hack Twitter again just because Twitter is so lame? That’s right, it’s the late-night weekend Wonkette Caption Contest! [White House Flickr]

Okay, famous White House photographer Pete Souza, we realize it’s August and nobody wants to work at all and there’s nothing very news-y happening and everybody’s on vacation WE GET IT, fine, but we’re still sort of working and you are still supposed to be working, yet there is one (1) White House photo added to the Official Presidential Flickr for the entire week, and it is lame. MORE »

Here’s a rapid response Astroturfing e-mail your editors received this afternoon from a PR assistant named “Kevin McVicker.” Kevin writes, “Citizens for the Republic, a national grassroots organization, is responding to the Whitehouse’s heavy handed tactic of trying to compile information on those that are critical of the President’s healthcare plan. This is a vital free speech issue. Please contact me to arrange an interview with one of our spokesmen.” As we alluded to in the earlier post about that slobbery fart-bag Fred Thompson’s Twitter, this notion of the “enemies list” has become the hot new well-funded wingnut con-job from Republican operatives over the last 24 hours. Use it or lose it! MORE »

OKAY THAT’S A LITTLE FANCIER THAN OUR FOURTH: “President Barack Obama took his own advice Saturday, relaxing on the Fourth of July with some golf, a cookout and a private Foo Fighters concert in the backyard, capped by the annual fireworks show on the National Mall.” [Baltimore Sun/Flickr]

The last time a cell phone rang during a White House press conference, Robert Gibbs just took that damned device and gave it to the CIA, for torture. But Barack Obama is too cool for that. He just looks disappointed, with America, and then jokes about how pathetic the White House correspondents are, to be downloading duck ringtones. Oh and this is some kind of talk to the gays? [Gawker/YouTube]

While Republican dads dump their unwanted wives and unloved children at a vacation home somewhere and then fly to Argentina on the taxpayer’s dime to tearfully commit adultery for years, Democratic wonder-dad Barack Obama continues to outrage the family-hating wingnut blogosphere by keeping various “promises” made to his “happy” children, such as “I’ll get you a hypoallergenic dog carefully bred by Portuguese robot-monks” and “I’ll build you the fanciest backyard swing set ever, and it won’t look anything like those tacky day-glo molded plastic travesties most kids are stuck with, if they’re lucky enough to have a playset at all.” [White House Flickr]

Ted Kennedy’s gift horse Texan Water Monster, “Bo Hussein Obama,” now has his own crappy print-and-save “baseball card” from the White House, hooray for civil rights! Just, uh, print it out at work — don’t let Liz Becton catch you! — and, oh we don’t know just probably throw it away. Bo loves tomatoes and brylcreem and long walks on the lawn with what’s his name. [Flickr]

Chicago crime boss Michelle Obama wasted no time turning the once-pristine White House grounds into a foul “organic garden” filled with marijuana and other arugula. Children from a local elementary school were shipped over in FEMA trailers and forced to sample the “good for you” delicacies. In other words, the first harvest from the Nobama Nationalized Yard Garden was a great success! [Flickr/NYT The Caucus]

President Obama, the consummate host and entertainer, loves to have guests at his fancy DC mansion. But who are these guests, and why do they visit? Are they there for, like, orgies, or to lobby him on “clean coal” technology? A LADY NEVER TELLS. MORE »

Remember when poor street hustler Barack Obama had big old holes in the soles of his Florsheim salesman shoes? Here’s a new arty sex photo by White House pornographer Pete Souza, and the shoe soles maybe have holes, still? Or are the shoes just blurry to fuck with your minds? Or, is America finally officially bankrupt, a terrible The Road hellscape where even the rich young president staggers through life with hobo shoes? (Also, note how he is on the phone with Benjamin Netanyahu, and making the “Bibi’s got a little bitty dick” hand signal.”) [White House Flickr]