white house

BUT NO GOLF FOR YOU!  7:16 pm March 14, 2013

White House Tours Now More Important Than Eating, Praying, Pretty Much Everything In Universe

by Gary Legum

Does anyone know what the greatest threat to our Republic is today? Could it be the ever-expanding power of the unitary executive? Income inequality? Exploding health care costs? High unemployment? Marshmallows? No, silly Wonket. Everyone knows it is spending. Specifically spending on the White House by King Obama XVI and his wife Michelle Antoinnette, who [...]

ONE NATION UNDER DOG  10:50 am December 10, 2012

Fox News Host Reveals Dastardly Obama Plan To Replace Christian God With Bo The Dog

by Jesse Taylor

The Obama White Black Muslim House is sending out a “holiday” card (not a CHRISTMAS card, despite the fact that CHRIST IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON except for Hanukkah but that doesn’t count because unlike Christmas it’s just a random religious holiday that marketers got their hands on) that prominently features their hypoallergenic dog [...]

CONSERVATIVES FORCED TO BACK OF BUS AGAIN  2:40 pm December 4, 2012

Daily Caller Complains White House Twitter Feed Keeps Reminding Them Who Is In The White House

by Doktor Zoom

Lest anyone get the idea that the Daily Caller is just a teensy bit racist, they would like you to know that they actually care more about Factual History than certain Presidents of the United States do. For instance, did you know that the Daily Caller’s Neil Munro is very protective of the legacy and [...]

CROW AND WHATNOT  12:51 pm November 28, 2012

What Will President Obama Serve Mitt Romney At Their Near-Beer Summit?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Oh that is nice, President B. Barry Bamz is making empty gestures of politeness and civility at what’s his name, Loser Guy, and having him over to the White House for lunch. This is very big news, today, when the only other news is John McCain is still trying to make “Benghazi” a thing. But [...]

AND TWINS!  1:57 pm November 16, 2012

Barack Obama Was Probably Banging Jill Kelley Obviously, Except For How He Is Gay

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Well this is much better! Tampa nonsense queen Jill Kelley and her evil twin visited the White House three times this year, an administration official told AP. Obviously, this means President Barack Obama has been boning both of them, in the SitRoom, while eating popcorn and laughing while watching Christopher Stevens die. He did this [...]

DEMOCRACY IS FOR SUCKERS  8:51 am November 15, 2012

Petition To Punch Grover Norquist In Dick Removed From White House Petition Site

by Kris E. Benson

Well, Wonketteers, we bring you some very depressing news: the petition for “all everyone to punch Grover Norquist in the dick” has been removed from We The People, the White House’s platform for direct democracy. This saddens us greatly for reasons that should be pretty obvious, do we really need to go into it because [...]

GUBMINT BEER  2:50 pm August 15, 2012

Barack Obama Is One Of Those Annoying People Who Can’t Stop Talking About His Home Brew

by Jim Newell

You know the type. Maybe you are this type? Let’s keep it quiet, if so. The type we’re describing: The person who’s always trying to get you to sample the craft beer he (it is usually a “he”) brewed in his home. “You have got to try this beer I made.” “Ehh, just let me [...]

GREATEST DAY OF TUCKER'S LIFE  3:30 pm June 15, 2012

Brave Daily Caller Muckraker Exercises His Freedom To Troll

by Jim Newell

Well, Ol’ Barry Obama went out to the Rose Garden to speechify his new plan to kill all white children and let Mexican children have their homes, and then this guy, Neil Munro of Tucker Carlson’s treasured Daily Caller, interrupts him to start babbling something. Obama hates this person but responds anyway. Now people are [...]

FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP  4:38 pm May 31, 2012

Contest! What Is This Official George W. Bush White House Portrait Missing?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Did we all have a good time watching Dubya make some funneez at the White House today? It was pretty good! He was all like, haha, you know and I know and everybody knows that I was pretty much the worst at being the preznit, for reals, hilares, just Mr. Jokey Jokey about what a [...]

PHOTO TOURS  3:30 pm May 31, 2012

George W. Bush Is President of Paintings

by Jim Newell

And this is a painting of George W. Bush, as unveiled at a White House ceremony that just wrapped up. Look at ‘im. He’s like, “Boy howdy don’t I look good, hummina hummina.” And no, it wasn’t “awkward,” this ceremony. Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been [...]

FLOTUS FILES  1:07 pm May 30, 2012

Michelle Obama Releases Fancy Book About Gardening

by Blair Burke

As promised, our First Lady Michelle Obama has published her first book. It is a book about gardening, and if “The Help” is any indication, it is sure to be a bestseller, because isn’t it probably the same thing, except with Mexicans? Apparently, no! “Michelle’s Secret Garden,” as we like to call it, or “American [...]

POOR COPY EDITOR  6:15 pm May 17, 2012

Liberal New York Times Simply Does Not Care For Obama’s Facial Expression (Update: Nevermind!)

by Jim Newell

What is funnier than a typographical error on the front page of the N Y Times Dot Com, the Tumblr of Record? It’s great, because they’re like, “Hey, we’re the New York Times, we’re the best, feed me caviar,” and then they screw up and everyone chuckles for two seconds. Today they posted a TimesCast [...]

THE WASP ELITE  2:06 pm April 13, 2012

The Obamas Made 800+ Trillion Dollars Last Year (Per Day)

by Jim Newell

Presidential tax returns for the Obamas and Bidens have been posted online, oh boy. Let’s see, did they make above the median income… yes they did, so: BOO! Jerks. Let’s steal their nice clothes and give them to kitties.

FLOTUS FILES  11:15 am April 11, 2012

Michelle Obama Appears on ‘Biggest Loser,’ Is Now a Kardashian

by Blair Burke

Have you seen that show on the E! television network featuring a bunch of whiny girls whose names all start with the letter “K” and their [step]father, played by a melted-down Ken doll? It is the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” show, and somehow, it is one of the most highly rated reality television programs [...]

GET MAD ABOUT THIS!  4:12 pm April 9, 2012

THE VETTING: White House Giving Obama Balls To Children?

by Jim Newell

Look what he’s done now.

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