Wonkette

According to a new book from the Racist New Yorker’s Jane Mayer, Dick Cheney became the leading hawk in the White House after 9/11 because he thought the terrorists had successfully poisoned him with anthrax: “On Oct. 18, 2001, a White House alarm went off indicating that sensors had detected dangerous levels of radioactive, chemical or biological agents. According to Mayer, anyone who had entered the White House situation room, including Cheney, had been exposed. ‘They thought Cheney was already lethally infected,’ said a former administration officer who had kept the White House secret until now, according to the book.” Seven years after the scare, and hypochondriac Dick Cheney still cannot defeat each individual Muslim germ that he pretends is killing him. [ABC News]

People who follow European politics know that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is a crooked wingnut who only stays in power by sending packets of money to every member of parliament. He has been charged and tried for a variety of comical Italian crimes such as bribery of cops and judges, “mafia collusion,” and every known variety of corruption. But he has never been convicted, and this is why the White House shouldn’t have handed out that Berlusconi biography calling him a scumbag “”known for governmental corruption and vice.” [BBC News]

President George W. Bush today played White House host to Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, the most powerful woman in American history. He used the occasion to congratulate Filipinos everywhere for their remarkable contributions to the world. He did this, of course, by singling out his Filipino cook. ‘Cause that dame churns out one helluva steak ‘n’ baked. MORE »

The biggest investigative report during the endless Pennsylvania primary run-up involved Barack Obama bowling with some Bitters and Sen. Bob Casey, where he rolled a pathetic 37. He was so distraught over his big city fairy’s performance that he stopped campaigning altogether and played basketball — at which he excels — instead. But the man has demons, demons that require a focused purging, and that is why he now plans on destroying the White House bowling alley and replacing it with a court for his game, which, again, is basketball. MORE »

“NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2008 as Black Music Month. I encourage all Americans to learn more about the history of black music and to enjoy the great contributions of African-American singers, musicians, and composers. MORE »

• WILL HE WEAR HIS ‘GOOD PANTS’?: “McClellan will testify publicly and under oath before the House Judiciary Committee on June 20 about the White House’s role in the leak and its response, his attorneys, Michael and Jane Tigar, said on Monday.” White House lawsuit in 3… 2… 1… [AP]

Ha ha, here is some great newspaper from Nazi Germany that comically names the White House “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” because a slave may soon call it home. This is very offensive, according to the Internet, and of course we all know why: what a nasty way to detract from Obama’s writing skill, by comparing it to Harriet Beecher Stowe’s! Have you actually *read* Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Yikes! [Spiegel]

Here is that guy from the famous “Hillary In The House” videos, as spotted by Rumproast’s “Kevin K.” outside Hillary’s fake New York City rally Tuesday. We know his name now, and it’s “Paul Edward Blaise McClure,” a fine Christian Name, verily. “McClure” was giving out fliers at the event, too, and guess what? He’s puttin’ on a show! Check out the invite after the jump. All of Wonkette’s New York City operatives are required to attend. MORE »

Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD. MORE »

SEE WHAT EVERYONE’S SAYING ABOUT SCOTT MCCLELLAN’S NEW #1 BOOK, GEORGE BUSH JR. MADE VAGUE ERRORS!

“I would think if he harbored such deep feelings about things he wouldn’t have and shouldn’t have accepted the press secretary job in the first place.” — ARI FLEISCHER, bald press secretary before Scott McClellan.
“Total crap.” — DAN BARTLETT, former White House communications director.
“Left-wing logger.” — KARL ROVE, White House turd blossom.
“I totally agree.” — NANCY PELOSI, known Liberal.
“Why don’t you learn something about the monument.” — HILLARY CLINTON, civil rights leader.

WHAT A BOOK! (Now let us never speak of it again.)