Hey, America: This is what you’ll lose, once the last bloated newspapers close forever: People like this, whining about the Most Important Thing Ever, a soggy newsprint version of yesterday’s wire copy and weeks-old syndicate features about “winter vegetables,” wrapped around a Big Lots! circular and six or seven pages of foreclosure notices in the back, along with a few “I HEREBY REFUSE TO PAY MY DEBT” classifieds, where the jobs/real estate ads used to be. Oh god. MORE »

Last night Obama went to introduce himself to the White House press corps briefly, politely. A Politico reporter started harassing him about one of his appointments. Obama told him to STFU, he could ask it at the next briefing. Politico writes the following lede this morning: “President Obama made a surprise visit to the White House press corps Thursday night, but got agitated when he was faced with a substantive question.” MORE »

The same mincing gaggle of Presidential Historians who impotently declared George W. Bush the Worst President Ever — which did exactly nothing to prevent him from serving a full eight years in the White House — have now decided uppity president-elect Barack Obama is a wildy presumptuous fantasist because he has referenced the godlike mustache-free Illinois president who caused the Civil War, Abe “Lincoln Logs” Lincoln. MORE »

No sooner had frontierswoman Sarah Palin finished her nasty little attack on elite community organizers last Wednesday than panic began to sweep the hallowed Chardonnay cellars of America’s liberals. Above plaintive wails of “What is happening to Our Barry?” and “We’ve got to FIGHT!” we heard the rending of garments, gnashing of teeth, and furious swilling of Two-Buck Chuck. Everyone was freaking out. Well here are some remarks from various writers who would like Democrats to unknot their panties for a moment and relax. MORE »

Poor David Palmer! No, not the dead president on Fox’s torture-porn hit 24, who overcame discrimination to reach the highest office in the land. We’re talking about Bush’s nominee for EEOC head, whose nomination has been held up for almost a year because of his constant crusading for the rights of the white man! So now he’s withdrawing his nomination and going home like a whiny little bitch. MORE »