Oh boy we better not make a funny about this or fuckface porn addict David Denby may be compelled to shit out another $15.95 pamphlet about how the Internet has ruined his dinner with Michael Kinsley. So, here is “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” star Ted Kennedy just cold bein’ alive and outside and throwing a baseball, which is an American Tradition. UPDATE: Oh Red Lasso can go to HELL. Much better/insane YouTube version now in place.

Finally, the October Surprise! (Ashley Todd’s cut-nut negroid fantasies were in no way worthy of the title.) We have a war, of sorts, in Syria! Who knows why or anything. It’s the Kissinger Doctrine all over again: Just bomb shit, everywhere, whenever you feel like it. Who’s gonna stop you, HEHNGHH? MORE »

Oh sure, here’s some of that “CGI” used to make Batman movies, but today used to make this creepy video of Obama and McCain having a dance contest. Thanks, we think, to Wonkette commenter supreme AngryBlakGuy.

D’you ever notice how our journalistic reporters such as Mark Halperin spend a full week, every week, telling us about how “nasty” the campaigns are going to get in the next week, and then the next week comes and no one cares because the “nasty” attacks are basically the same shit as usual, and then the cycle starts again with an EVEN BIGGER FOREBODING DRUDGE SIREN? Mmhmm. MORE »

TROPICAL STORMS TO FINISH OFF WALL ST., CONGRESS, WHITE HOUSE, ETC. “Tropical Storm Kyle formed in the Atlantic, while a system farther north took aim at Washington, New York and other cities along the U.S. East Coast, forecasters said.” [Bloomberg]

During the weird hurricane prayer service/unveiling of Sarah Palin trade show in St. Paul a few weeks back — which feels like exactly One Thousand Years ago — there were also some street protests. And the “Minnesota Nice” armored clone-army SWAT monster cops arrested some 800 ne’er-do-wells and guttersnipes for marching around and, in one kind of pathetic incident, throwing some Clorox on the slacks of an elderly delegate. Anyway, there were some News Reporters (liberals) out there just cold reportin’ on the action, and the mean cops arrested a bunch of them! MORE »

Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially if this is true. MORE »

Hey, it’s still Friday, so here’s some of that “fun” you people don’t like so much. Walnuts! has a running mate, and she’s also a has-been burnout. [Barely Political]

Here’s yet another profile from another New York magazine that we read due to boredom, although this magazine is literally called New York. This story is about your favorite recluse, Hillary Clinton, and the last days of her campaign. The writer gets many interviews with her, too! The gist of the story is that because of her utter failure as a politician, strategist and manager for the first year of her campaign, followed by her complete switch to manipulation, demagoguery, lies and pandering after her loss was almost mathematically sealed, Hillary Clinton at this very moment is a “Superstar,” the greatest fucking mammal this world has seen or will ever know. MORE »