Look, we speak Bitterese: Hilry done gone inna West Virginnie done won it ‘gainst the colored man. Colored man naw gon win no West Virginnie, haw haw, yeeeeesh siree. Done hear Hillary lost big ‘lection already, but we ain’t ne’er votin’ no Mooslim terror-starter inna our WHITE House. Don’t make none sense like, but I guess not much do these a’days. MORE »

Who’s that to our left? Why, it’s famous West Virginian Don Knotts, pictured here outside a typical hometown polling place. Don Knotts would be rolling in his grave, and drinking shots with Terry McAuliffe’s dad in Heaven, if he knew about all the Divisions and Distractions in the Democratic Party these days. Drink a shot with Wonkette in CNN Hell as we watch Wolf Blitzer and company talking about very little until the polls close! MORE »

Nope, the primary season still isn’t over — and tonight the Democrats’ Death March to the White House leads straight through West Virginia, whose oppressed citizens only get to vote once a day. Grab a liter of grain alcohol, a six-pack of Grape Nehi, some squirrel jerky, and your favorite semiautomatic firearm on your way home from work and we’ll see you back here tonight.

Here is Barack Obama playing pool last night, before a Bitter Shadow crosses his face and turns him into some serial killer monster thing from Muslim Hell. He is a terribly evil man, and he is coming for you. [Getty Photo]

Hillary Clinton’s team of hard-working white Americans wrote a memo today. It is all about the importance of her winning the primary in the “key swing state” of West Virginia, which John McCain will win in a landslide in November. Read the memo in full after the jump. MORE »

Here is a map someone at Daily Kos made, and it’s not even terrifying. OK, it is obviously terrifying in several ways. It is color-coded by votes in each county — blue for Barry, red for Hillary, green for that white guy who was running like 90 years ago. Florida, appropriately, looks like a barfy member. [Daily Kos]

“Undecided voter Wanda Gibson is less than excited about both Clinton and Obama, but she actually fears Obama, because he’s black.” [YouTube]

Senator Hope might suck at bowling, but he can shoot a decent game of pool. This is because hard-working Americans long ago ceded the sport to fey intellectuals, San Francisco bike messengers, and migrant workers. Oh you want pictures of your Hopey doing the old behind-the-back shot left-handed? We got ‘em after the jump! MORE »

Hillary Clinton, that elitist former president and Ivy League feminazi, has “found her voice” with these old gals in West Virginia. Preach it, Hilz! Only black people are angry/poor, and you know what they’re doing, with the hip-hop/Ivy League vote! [AP Photo]

Obama is campaigning in West Virginia, where he will lose by 80 points because he is black, and he is wearing a flag pin. Still a terrorist! [McClatchy, Getty Photo]

Here is Our Hillary in a Denny’s or something in West Virginia, talking with some old gal about why gender should always be chosen over race. Lookin’ at you, Ms. Fake Woman, in the back. [Getty Photo]