Mary Lou Retton also hails from the fair state of West Virginia. And if Hillary Clinton were an athlete, she would be Mary Lou Retton in a fetching flag-themed leotard. What does Mary Lou Clinton have to say to the voters of West Virginia? Click the clicky and find out! MORE »

Look, we speak Bitterese: Hilry done gone inna West Virginnie done won it ‘gainst the colored man. Colored man naw gon win no West Virginnie, haw haw, yeeeeesh siree. Done hear Hillary lost big ‘lection already, but we ain’t ne’er votin’ no Mooslim terror-starter inna our WHITE House. Don’t make none sense like, but I guess not much do these a’days. MORE »

Who’s that to our left? Why, it’s famous West Virginian Don Knotts, pictured here outside a typical hometown polling place. Don Knotts would be rolling in his grave, and drinking shots with Terry McAuliffe’s dad in Heaven, if he knew about all the Divisions and Distractions in the Democratic Party these days. Drink a shot with Wonkette in CNN Hell as we watch Wolf Blitzer and company talking about very little until the polls close! MORE »