Tag Archives: welfare queens

  Republican math

Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?

Giggling about what an asshole he is.
You know that thing about how Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is the worst governor in the entire galaxy, and how he bankrupted Kansas with his fucked up tax cuts for the wealthy, but then Kansas voters reelected him because they’re idiots? And lately, he’s been doing everything he can to fuck the poors of his state right good (even though it costs the state millions), by making sure they don’t have equal access to education, and that they can only take $25 in EBT moneys from the ATM per day, paying an ATM fee each and every time? Well he’s been in quite a pickle because Kansas Ain’t Got No Money, and you can only suck off the teats of welfare queens so long, ’cause they ain’t got no money either, so he had to raise taxes, but not on the wealthy, oh no! The very thought of that makes him emotional. Read more on Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?…
  Back in my day!

Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public

Baby did a bad bad thing.
Try to contain all your surprise, but Jeb Bush has been A Idiot for a LONG TIME. We know about his recent string of fuckups — “Knowing what we know of knowing about Iraq and stuff and things, it was not a mistake to invade Iraq, except totally was, QED!” — but today we present to you a Jeb Bush fuckup from 20 years ago, in his 1995 book Profiles In Character. How do we get unwed pregnant ladies and welfare queens and other miscreants to stop being all pregnant and moochy? By bringing back public shaming, of course! Here is your pull quote from the book: Read more on Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public…
  He probably spent all the Wonkette donations on drugs

Anti-Obamacare Sheriff Still Hates Obamacare, Says Thank You Libtards For All The Moneys!

We were so excited to hear that the virulently anti-Obamacare Sheriff Richard Mack, whose ass Wonkette readers helped bail out since he has a ton of medical bills and refuses to buy insurance, was on the HuffPostLive. “Oh great,” we thought, “he is going to cry and thank Wonkette and ask us to be his lord and savior, or at least name his next kitten after us, this will be beautiful.” Read more on Anti-Obamacare Sheriff Still Hates Obamacare, Says Thank You Libtards For All The Moneys!…
  the deserving poor CEOs

Liberal Institute For Policy Study Lies About Rich People With Clever Use Of ‘Math’

Hey 47%ers! Feeling frustrated with your shitty, under-paying, going nowhere faster than a tax bill in Congress career? (Haha, what’s a “career”?) Just in case you were having a less than raged out rampagey day, The Institute for Policy Study has the perfect report to ease us all into giving in to giving up. More than one-third of the nation’s highest-paid CEOs from the past two decades led companies that were subsidized by American taxpayers, according to a report released Wednesday by the Institute for Policy Studies, a liberal think tank. Financial bailouts offer just one example of how a significant number of America’s CEO pay leaders owe much of their good fortune to America’s taxpayers, reads the report. Government contracts offer another. If we weren’t so sure it was the useless poor kids gobbling up all that tax money for stupid food through the SNAP program who were the real burdens, we might think maybe some incredibly wealthy CEOs were gaming the system and wasting some real money to buy illegal condos in Florida. (Stupid bankster, didn’t he know he was supposed to offshore his plunder in the Caymans? You can’t abscond with US real estate!) Read more on Liberal Institute For Policy Study Lies About Rich People With Clever Use Of ‘Math’…
  did tax dollars pay for that bronzer

Mitt Romney Totally Loves Welfare Now, You Guys

A weak, vacillating politician — one not fit to be a leader — would express a politically unpalatable position in a private setting, but then retract it when it becomes public. A strong leader would explain that, while his words may have sounded harsh in context, the ideas he was trying to express were important, and in fact are ultimately for everyone’s benefit. And that’s exactly what Mitt did with his 47% talk in his brownfaced appearance on Univision, except for the part where he said that he cares about all Americans and especially poor people and welfare is awesome and did you know that Mitt’s dad was on welfare? Yay, welfare! Read more on Mitt Romney Totally Loves Welfare Now, You Guys…
  bunch of bachmanns

Georgia Lege Goes For Gold In Wingnut Olympics

Crossover Day! Crossover Day! A day when every possible batshit mean curbjob-the-welfare-Cadillac-Queens bill simply MUST get passed in order to avoid NOobAma’s death panels. What delights does Newtonia have in store for us, as it gets all slick and sweaty trying to catch up to your Floridas and Mississippis and good ol’ AZ’s? Let’s round them up and hoe them down! Piss-testing those on gubmint relief? Check. Banning union pickets in labor disputes (except for teachers and cops) — d/b/a your First Amendment right to assembly? But naturally. Letting the little Hitlers* of your neighborhood homeowners association ban yer dirty hippie solar panels? FUCK YEAH, COMMIE, GET OUT. Turning into hysterical ninnies about that other part of the First Amendment, religious liberty, as defined by the Founders’ Stated Intent of putting all the single ladiez under Sharia? What do you think? Read more on Georgia Lege Goes For Gold In Wingnut Olympics…
  alaskan drudge siren!

Wonkette Exclusive: Joe Miller Runs Screeching From Simple Question

Alaskan Senate hopeful and semi-bearded teabagger Joe Miller literally ran away from a question about his disabled-veteran status during last night’s “Meet and Greet” session in Anchorage. In a roomful of 50 people — most supporters and well wishers — Miller was asked to identify his service-connected disability and his official “percentage disabled.” Panic swept over Miller’s sweaty face. Read more on Wonkette Exclusive: Joe Miller Runs Screeching From Simple Question…
  R.I.P. best government program ever

PRESIDENT OBAMA WON’T BE BUYING CARS FOR YOU WELFARE QUEENS ANYMORE: The “Cash for Clunkers” program is going to expire any day now, so you will just have to pay for your new Honda Fit all by yourself, like a man. This disastrously popular program just goes to show you why the government should not interfere in private industry — because Americans are just too addicted to free shit to bother paying for anything themselves anymore. [CBS News] Read more on …
  liberal propaganda

Bermuda Uighurs Are Lazy Welfare Queens

Hot damn it’s a good thing the United States refused to allow “these Uighur characters” to resettle in Northern Virginia because, aside from all the terrorism they were planning to plan in your backyard, against you, they are shiftless beach bums who refuse to ever take jobs. You know those slobs who go on Spring Break during college but refuse to ever go back and just slum around the bars of South Padre Island for the rest of their lives, eating raw crawdaddies and roofie-ing wacky old lesbians for bloodsport? Well they are all Uighurs. Read more on Bermuda Uighurs Are Lazy Welfare Queens…
  america's unemployed

Jobless Bush Administration Losers Reduced To Retail, Excited About Welfare Benefits

Like so many young Washington residents in this brutal economy, Wonkette operative “Nicorette St. Monstre” (if that is her real name) has some unemployed bums for roommates. One such jobless loser worked in the Bush Administration until whatever happened last week, and now our Operative finds her dwelling filled with these wretched, hopeless welfare cases who fear the very idea of real work. Read more on Jobless Bush Administration Losers Reduced To Retail, Excited About Welfare Benefits…