Tag Archives: welfare

  Certain conditions may apply

Good News, Kansas Poors, You’re Allowed To Eat Food Again

Typical Kansas ATM line.
Typical Kansas ATM line. Good news! Kansas has decided been compelled to reverse course on its cute little idea for how poors should be able to get TANF benefits, but shouldn’t be able to actually access those benefits, due to how they’re not allowed to pull more than $25 per day in welfare moneys out of the ATM, which pretty much precludes people from being able to do long-term meal planning and the like. Also makes it hard to pay any other bills that cost more than $25! And of course, those $25 withdrawals each came with a $1 fee to the state, and often more fees on top of that, paid directly to banks, because fuck you poors, if you don’t like it, shouldn’t you just not be poor? Read more on Good News, Kansas Poors, You’re Allowed To Eat Food Again…
  Gross dude

Scott Walker Literally Begging For Pee Now

If you are the Republican governor of Wisconsin, you have two fetishes. The first one is hot ham and rolls, which Scott Walker is in love with in a biblical way. The second one is pee, specifically the pee of poor people on food stamps, because you know all those gross poors are addicted to drugs, and if they’re not, well, why don’t they prove it by giving the governor some pee? Read more on Scott Walker Literally Begging For Pee Now…
  Don't read while you are eating you will be laughing too hard

Oklahoma Republicans Make Hilarious Joke About How Poors Are Gross Animals

Right in the earhole.
It’s tough to be a Republican these days if you don’t have an overwhelming disdain for people who struggle to get by (often because they’re held back by Republican policies, funny how that works). Because THOSE PEOPLE, right? Anyway, all Republicans know that if people are poor, it’s their fault — unless the poors are Republicans, in which case they are “going through a thing” which is “not at all like those welfare queens” — so it was perfectly natural for the Oklahoma GOP to post this to its FacePlace page: Read more on Oklahoma Republicans Make Hilarious Joke About How Poors Are Gross Animals…
  Nope not that either

Kansas Plan To F*ck The Poors Somehow Costing Millions, Is That Bad?

Oops
Kansas Republicans had a terrific plan to turn their state into the best state EVER, with tax cuts for the rich and — well, that was mostly the plan. Surprise! It hasn’t worked, and not just because the evil liberal media said mean things about Gov. Sam Brownback. Read more on Kansas Plan To F*ck The Poors Somehow Costing Millions, Is That Bad?…
  That'll teach you to be poor

It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again

Jesus was a fiscal conservative
Arizona is all out of money, whoops, so the Republicans who control the state have decided, in their fiscally conservative wisdom, to close the $1 billion budget gap by cutting welfare that the federal government pays for. Good plan, guaranteed to work, no? Read more on It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
It’s been a quiet week in the old deleted comments queue; we somehow managed not to trigger any long manifestos from wingnuts about sovereignty or the UN Agenda 21 plot to pollute and impurify our precious bodily fluids. We’ll try harder. We did get one notable tsk-tsk about our terrible conduct from “TheLongVersion,” who was not at all pleased with all the cruelty directed toward poor innocent George Zimmerman, who once again found himself in trouble last week: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth…
  fair's fair

Iowa Republican Happy To Give You His Own Pee So He Can Drug Test Poors

Not as fun as new car :(
Everybody who isn’t A Dumb knows that drug testing welfare recipients doesn’t actually work, because SURPRISINGLY, poor people don’t actually live by the parameters of a typical Rush Limbaugh rant about welfare queens getting high off government paychecks and smoking drugs. Shocking, we know. Of course, Republicans still love the idea because A) they DO get their worldview from those Limbaugh rants, and B) they get to shame poor people! Yay! And now Republican Jason Schultz, state senator out of Iowa, has come up with a truly loving, Christian idea, just so nobody can say they’re singling out all those poors for unfair treatment: Read more on Iowa Republican Happy To Give You His Own Pee So He Can Drug Test Poors…
  Teach us oh white people!

How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?

The cats are cuter than anything you'll read in this post.
Ever since the alleged police murder of Freddie Gray and the rioting that followed, white wingnuts have been trying SO HARD to do something — anything! — to help the poor black communities of Baltimore recover and move on from this tragedy. Because they care so much, honest! Should we cut off their food stamps? Give everybody more guns, so they can Stand Their Ground? Send them all some more Jesus, and good dads like Rand Paul? Well, worry not, because there are still more turd ideas to throw at the wall, so here is this week’s roundup of White Wingnut Wisdom for Baltimorean Blacks! Read more on How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?…
  another reason he'll never be president

Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It

Paul Ryan, high as fuck
Republican Rep. Paul Ryan is the wonky boy genius of the House of Representatives, according to his colleagues and the voice in his head, because he wrote a “budget” one time to privatize Medicare, slash welfare benefits, and tell the poors to feed themselves with their own damned bootstraps, like Jesus said. Read more on Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It…
  it's called "fair taxation"

You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)

If he has to pay more taxes, it won't be so good to be the king anymore :(
Kansas is on a roll this month, if by “on a roll,” you mean “wow, it seems like they come up with a new way to screw poor people every single day!” What are they doing now? Oh, just trying to get poor people to pay for all the tax cuts rich people have been enjoying for several years now. Those tax cuts were, of course, supposed to make Kansas grow and thrive, but because that doesn’t actually work anywhere besides Ronald Reagan’s dead butthole, Kansas doesn’t have any money. So, let’s let poor people pay for it! This is called “fiscal responsibility,” and Kansas lawmakers are ON IT: Read more on You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)…
  except no he is not

Senate Cafeteria Cook Is On Food Stamps, Must Be One Of Those Moochers GOP Always Talks About

Not an exact rendering of the Senate cafeteria.
There is a piece in The Guardian written by Bertrand Olotara, one of the many service workers who ensures that Congress even HAS a place in which to grandstand, or alternately, sit around and do nothing. Olotara is a cook in the Senate cafeteria, and he and his fellow workers, employees of a government contractor, are pissed off, and they are striking. You see, Olotara, who cooks every day for senators and their staffers (when they’re not eating free Taco Bell or Chick-Fil-A), is on food stamps, because he is a single father, and he can’t afford to put food on his family on the $12 an hour he is paid to shovel gruel into Ted Cruz’s wordhole: Read more on Senate Cafeteria Cook Is On Food Stamps, Must Be One Of Those Moochers GOP Always Talks About…
  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

Right in the earhole.
The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Hey at least the poors are still allowed to buy guns

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is too shy to ask for. Yes, Kansas, you shan’t have to worry ever again about those on public assistance spending all of their $429 a month on glamorous Caribbean vacations, on your dime, or on getting their palms read at Psychic Isabella’s in Kansas City. (Which exists.) You won’t have to worry about them outdoing you in the sexxxy lingerie department either! You can rest assured that they will, by law, only be wearing the same granny panties you are currently wearing. Read more on Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!…
  Madame Endora sees more poverty in your future

Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises

It is very tough coming up with new and creative ways to fuck the poor. A Missouri rep decided in March that he would try to do it by advancing a bill to make sure none of those gross people on SNAP benefits would be able to buy luxury items like seafood, because heaven forfend poor people (who are not actually spending money on lobster) have something healthy to eat. Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises…
  Who would have guessed?

States Find Cash Cow: It Is Impoverished Kids in Foster Care, Hooray!

hands off my benefits
If you are a child in foster care, things are probably not going your way. You’re not living with your parents, and a state agency is in charge of you. You’re probably very poor, and maybe you are disabled. You sure don’t look like a funding bonanza for your state, but guess what, you might be! An op-ed by University of Baltimore law professor Daniel Hatcher in the Baltimore Sun this week points out that some states, including Maryland, are using private contractors to take foster kids’ Social Security (SSI) benefits as a way to make some extra bucks. Well that is just about the worst thing we’ve ever heard. Let’s theft-splore. Read more on States Find Cash Cow: It Is Impoverished Kids in Foster Care, Hooray!…